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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dog Damage

27 replies

RedRoxane · 26/05/2021 00:50

I visited friends after lockdown at their home. They have a Labrador, which is a little over a year old. Before I even entered, the dog was so excited by a visitor. She leapt up continuously, dashed about the room, leapt up at me again. She nipped me several times in the process.

First of all, I am used to dogs, particularly large dogs. This was, however, the most manic, hyper and intensely over-the-top greeting I have ever seen from any dog. She almost knocked me to the floor three times. It went on for ten minutes.

Secondly, my friends did very little to calm her down except tell me to move to the garden to prevent her peeing on the floor. They had just mowed the lawns. (Brilliant!) When the dog did finally calm down and my friends were able to greet me, it lay down panting. My friend patted her and sat: "What a well-behaved young dog she is." I was flabbergasted!

I've come away with a bruise on my arm from being nipped and my clothes grass stained and in tatters. The suede on one of my heels is torn with teeth marks. My trousers are ripped on the hem. My top and jumper are covered in grass stains. The elbow of my jumper is completely shredded.

I've recently started a new job, which I came straight from to visit them. It was after a period of uncertainty and living very frugally. So, a month in, I bought the nicest clothes I could afford for in-person meetings that are coming up in the next months. This was a significant treat - this was the first time I have ever spent considerable money on new clothes. It was, of course, the first time I had worn this outfit that this happened.

I decided it would be churlish to mention anything to my friends and they did not seem to notice the damage. They would also be surprised (perhaps even horrified..!) at how much money I had spent on the outfit. I hoped it would be easily solved by sending everything to the dry cleaners and a good tailor. However, they came back with some of the damage and stains still visible and the jumper and shoes irreparable.

I realise they are only clothes. I realise the dog is young, probably hasn't seen any guests to her house for her entire life. I also realised that I didn't say anything at the time it happened. But I feel both upset and resentful that it happened. I don't want to visit them again. Damage aside, the dog continually nips. Even as a dog lover, being around her makes me tense and nervous.

Am I being unreasonable? It feels like not only has this incident cost me an expensive outfit, but also changed the way I see the friendship.

OP posts:
KangarooSally · 26/05/2021 01:16

I think you deserve at least an apology from them, but you could have mitigated the damage by turning around and walking right out the door. And asked them to control their dog before you went back in. They could have put it outside, put it in a bedroom, or clipped a leash on it so it couldn't jump on you. They didn't know your clothes were expensive so they didn't know they needed to do anything especially if you said nothing. You say the dog managed to knock you over three times and the manic behaviour went on for ten minutes. There was plenty of time for you to say something - it isn't like the dog hurtled towards you and knocked you into the mud within the first 10 seconds so you had no time to do anything.

This is said as someone who hates dogs too by the way, so if anyone was going to be on the side of the aggrieved party it would be me.

Floralnomad · 26/05/2021 01:52

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FelicityBeedle · 26/05/2021 02:06

It sounds like you sat on the grass or similar to get those sort of stains! I’m sorry your clothes were ruined but if you weren’t happy you should have left I guess. Dog sounds a nightmare though

MustBeTheWine · 26/05/2021 02:32

As PP have mentioned, I don't understand how you let it go on for 10 minutes without saying and made it clear you were uncomfortable by the situation. Yes, your friends should have handled it better by keeping better control of their dog but you could have also handled it better by telling them your clothes were new and you didn't want the dog jumping on them.

Sally872 · 26/05/2021 02:39

The dog ripped your clothes, rolled you in the grass and chewed your shoes while you politely said nothing?? You should have spoken up for yourself or left. Not sure there is anything you can do now.

Dog sounds like a nightmare, I wouldn't go back. I would meet friend at a cafe or tell her dog is too much for you, expect you won't be the only one.

Mileu · 26/05/2021 05:18

I do unfortunately agree that you should have said something at the time the dog was damaging the clothes!

(As an aside I have found suede shoes are easily damaged and destroyed- I buy leather work shoes so they last and last and can be better repaired. Best to also leave them in your car and have spare flats for popping in shops, petrol stations, gardens etc.)

Aprilx · 26/05/2021 05:41

I think you are hugely exaggerating this story. Nobody stands by whilst a puppy pulls their clothes and shoes to bits and rolls them around the lawn to the extent they are covered in grass stains.

NoMoreAngelDelight · 26/05/2021 05:44

Photos of the damaged items please!

Saltyslug · 26/05/2021 05:47

Take it as an experience to learn from. Next time ask for the dog to be in the garden or bedroom and wear old clothes. When asked why kindly explain the damage to your body and clothes.

IamMaz · 26/05/2021 05:53

I think the OP means that the newly mown lawn meant the dog got grass stains on its feet and then onto OP's clothes etc. when it continually jumped up her.

AlmostSummer21 · 26/05/2021 05:57

1am several days later... hmmm

Yep, this happened.

RoseAndRose · 26/05/2021 06:01

You say the dog 'almost' knocked you down three times.

Which means it didn't knock you down.

So how did you get grass stains on your top half? Did you choose to roll around outside?

Medievalist · 26/05/2021 06:26

So how did you get grass stains on your top half? Did you choose to roll around outside?

Presumably from the dog's grass stained paws when it jumped up at her?

It's a shame you didn't speak up more when you were there op. You'll have given your friend the impression that her dog's behaviour was okay. I know how exuberant labradors can be (I've had 4 and currently have an 18 month old). They're very strong and excitable - especially a young dog that won't have much experience of people coming to the house due to lockdown. But they absolutely should have made more effort to control it. And it really shouldn't still be nipping. They're not doing the dog any favours by letting it behave like that, and you should have said more at the time.

dancinfeet · 26/05/2021 07:14

Why did you stand there and let that happen? No way would I let a dog nip me more than once! You should have told your friends to control / remove their dog, or left.

CoffeeCakey · 26/05/2021 07:26

Why didn't you move away and say ill go get changed and come back? But yeah they need to learn to control their dog.

RedRoxane · 26/05/2021 09:01

Thank you everyone - this is clearly a big lesson in standing up for myself and walking out! And keeping a spare set of scruffy clothes in my car...

I suppose I didn't because friends kept telling me to kneel down to greet her (which I could not do) and move to the garden as soon as possible. Though I am wondering whether I am stewing on this because it's revealed how I've ended up in quite a passive role in a friendship that has become overbearing.

And no, I didn't roll in the grass (lol - would've been a much more satisfying stain-acquisition). It had just been mown so it was all over the dog and her paws.

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 26/05/2021 09:04

I genuinely cannot believe that someone could be this much of a doormat that they let the dog jump all over them, bite them, chew their clothes and shoes until they’re ripped and stained and then just say “ok bye then!” to the owners. Why on earth wouldn’t you say something there and then Confused

vivainsomnia · 26/05/2021 09:08

You friend should certainly have acted, but yo we’re not defenceless. You could have ask your friend to take it away right away or go back at the door. You let it go on for 10 minutes, it’s a long time.

I would mention it to your friend and she should apologise, but you need to accept that you need to be more assertive and decisive so situations like this don’t happen.

MintMatchmaker · 26/05/2021 09:12

I wouldn’t eat decent clothes to a house with a puppy! I understand why you’re upset but why on earth did you not at least take your shoes off when the dog was chewing them?!

I do think people should have their animals under control, so your friend is in the wrong but you were way too passive.

MintMatchmaker · 26/05/2021 09:13

Wear not eat!

chatw0o0 · 26/05/2021 09:28

I feel for you, but it's too late now - you didn't say anything at the time and you left your friend's house without saying anything.

Ideally she would have noticed, but if self-awareness is not her thing, you needed to point it out. Stewing on it for days afterwards is only going to upset you, nobody else knows because you didn't tell them!

Cryalot2 · 26/05/2021 09:45

Sorry your clothes that you saved and treated yourself for were ruined.
Did you know your friends had the dog and that he was like that?
They should have stepped in and stopped him. It horrifying that they think that is well behaved, it's not, nor is it acceptable.
You should have said something, but given how it went doubt if it would have made much difference.
I would let them know in a nice way about your clothes, like over coffee .
Sadly dogs and children can change friendships.

RedRoxane · 26/05/2021 10:39

Just to give some context to the 'doormat' comments, I'm 25 and my friends are 'parental figures' in their mid-60s.

OP posts:
Funnyface1 · 26/05/2021 10:57

You say something at the time. "Can you stop her jumping up? She's ripped my jumper and she's biting my shoes. They're suede and I only just bought them."

ShirleyPhallus · 26/05/2021 11:33

@RedRoxane

Just to give some context to the 'doormat' comments, I'm 25 and my friends are 'parental figures' in their mid-60s.
I have no idea how this makes any difference!