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Original poster

Why is second-hand embarrassment so much worse??

34 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 25/05/2021 22:30

Maybe it's just something wrong with me. But earlier last week in a cafe the cashier/server was French and the man in front of me decided to speak French to order but he just really couldn't and she ended up speaking to him in English and said "look what do you want" he looked like a whole idiot. My French is reasonably okay so when he initially tried, she spoke back expecting him to understand. It was just so embarrassing.

OP posts:
Polkapup · 25/05/2021 22:35

You mean you tried too or were embarrassed for him? It is cringeworthy I agree

NoIdontwanttoseeyourknob · 25/05/2021 22:44

Are you in France?

Or are you in the UK but the chap in front of you saw an opportunity to practice a language he has been learning but didn’t manage very well?

Fair play to him for having a go.

You’re the one who should be embarrassed.

Nandakanda · 25/05/2021 22:49

My friend went up to the ticket window in a French railway station and tried to buy a ticket speaking English in a French accent - seriously.

Iworry2021 · 25/05/2021 22:52

Kudos to that guy for trying.

I really don't understand why you were embarrassed for him.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 25/05/2021 22:54

@Nandakanda

My friend went up to the ticket window in a French railway station and tried to buy a ticket speaking English in a French accent - seriously.
My brother in law did that! He asked for "un family 'tickette'".

My sister in law was just... 🤦‍♀️

shivawn · 25/05/2021 22:56

@Iworry2021

Kudos to that guy for trying.

I really don't understand why you were embarrassed for him.

I don't really get it either to be honest.
bitheby · 25/05/2021 23:22

I struggle with embarrassment. I'm autistic and I wonder whether that's why I struggle with it. It's painful to experience. I have to turn the TV over if done thing too cringey comes on.

My Dad once walked in to a petrol station in Germany and confidently said Auf Wiedersehen in greeting to the cashier. I cringed.

Serpenta · 25/05/2021 23:27

This is why I can never watch any of the Borat films, as I would turn to dust due to all the secondhand embarrassment.

Pasteque · 25/05/2021 23:28

I once asked for directions in French at an information desk in a station in Paris. They answered in typical fast french with a very strong Parisian accent, I smiled, thanked them politely and walked away. Not a fucking clue what they said 😂 wasn't really embarrassed tho, just decided my french was so amazing they assumed I was actually french (they almost certainly didn't 😄)

ExhaustedFlamingo · 25/05/2021 23:45

@bitheby - that's really interesting.

My two DC are both officially diagnosed as autistic and it's becoming increasingly apparent that I share many of their neurodiverse traits. It's been suggested to me multiple times about getting an official diagnosis for myself, but I've never pursued it.

I HUGELY struggle with cringeworthy stuff on TV. It's literally unbearable. I love comedy and humour but pretty much all comedies now seem to be based on an idea of "this thing happened which was really embarrassing and we all laughed". US comedies seem to be the worst for this but there's other British comedies like Alan Partridge or Man Down which I can't be in the same room as. I'm not normally a drama queen but anything cringeworthy, I literally cover my ears until it's over - like a right twat Blush Grin

littlepattilou · 25/05/2021 23:51

@NoIdontwanttoseeyourknob

Are you in France?

Or are you in the UK but the chap in front of you saw an opportunity to practice a language he has been learning but didn’t manage very well?

Fair play to him for having a go.

You’re the one who should be embarrassed.

This. ^ Maybe the man was just trying to speak to the woman in her native language? To make her feel more comfortable, or to practice his French?

To feel embarrassed for him is condescending and rude. At least he was trying to give it a go.

As this poster says @VladmirsPoutine YOU are the one who should be embarrassed.

bitheby · 26/05/2021 00:58

[quote ExhaustedFlamingo]@bitheby - that's really interesting.

My two DC are both officially diagnosed as autistic and it's becoming increasingly apparent that I share many of their neurodiverse traits. It's been suggested to me multiple times about getting an official diagnosis for myself, but I've never pursued it.

I HUGELY struggle with cringeworthy stuff on TV. It's literally unbearable. I love comedy and humour but pretty much all comedies now seem to be based on an idea of "this thing happened which was really embarrassing and we all laughed". US comedies seem to be the worst for this but there's other British comedies like Alan Partridge or Man Down which I can't be in the same room as. I'm not normally a drama queen but anything cringeworthy, I literally cover my ears until it's over - like a right twat Blush Grin[/quote]

I have mirror pain synaesthesia too so when I see violence, I feel it in my body, even cartoon violence.

Some brains are just wired up differently. I think the OP is getting a hard time here. Just because others don't experience this second hand embarrassment doesn't mean that it doesn't exist or that the OP can consciously control it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/05/2021 01:12

I can't stand other people's embarrassment either. I can feel myself shrivel and die.

Maybe that's why I loathe 'bants' and pranks. I cannot stand them. DBro is neurodiverse and I have ADHD so maybe there's something in this!

namechangingforthis19586 · 26/05/2021 01:16

My husband speaks Italian by stringing together 'French' (actually English in a French accent with the odd 'ette' on the end) and adding 'o' to every single word.

These people do not deserve your embarrassment. They firmly believe that everyone loves a trier. If it worried them (if only) they wouldn't do it.

Downunderduchess · 26/05/2021 01:31

I absolutely get this, especially when I watch reality shows such as Love Island etc. I often yell at the television, watching someone try to make another person like them, so cringe. I have stopped watching Love Island, but I still watch MAFS... plenty of second hand embarrassment there.

Bjarnum · 26/05/2021 01:56

I can't watch "The Office". For me it's not funny just painfully embarrassing

Asherline · 26/05/2021 02:30

This is why it's pointless making the kids spend hours of their life learning French or German when realistically they will never use it. Waste of time. They could be learning life skills first aid or basic diy where it will have a point

MustBeTheWine · 26/05/2021 02:38

@Iworry2021

Kudos to that guy for trying.

I really don't understand why you were embarrassed for him.

I don't get the embarrassment either.
hauntedcomputer · 26/05/2021 02:46

Second-hand embarrassment can be bad, but first-hand is still worse for me. Especially since my brain has an annoying habit of replaying it for me over and over again at a later date. Hmm

PRsecrets · 26/05/2021 02:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JemimaJoy · 26/05/2021 05:05

Are some posters being deliberately dense? Obviously OP felt embarrassed for the poor man because the situation sounds so embarrassing! He was trying to order in French and the member of staff asked (in what sounds to be a fairly rude way), in blunt English, what he wants, clearly implying his French was crap and he couldn't understand a word he said? The poor man probably felt mortified and I'd have felt so embarrassed on his behalf!

RhusTox · 26/05/2021 07:04

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in being unable to watch cringey shows or films.
I find other people's embarrassment deadly, not funny in the slightest.

Hence although I also see why people love Borat I just cannot sit and watch him doing what he does.

pelosi · 26/05/2021 08:11

I think people are missing the point of the thread!

OP, I suspect you're an HSP - highly sensitive person. HSPs have much more empathy than other people and that's why you feel the same burn burning flush of embarrassment even though you're not the one being embarrassed.

So be happy with it, it's better to be an HSP than a sociopath!

pelosi · 26/05/2021 08:13

@NoIdontwanttoseeyourknob

Are you in France?

Or are you in the UK but the chap in front of you saw an opportunity to practice a language he has been learning but didn’t manage very well?

Fair play to him for having a go.

You’re the one who should be embarrassed.

So OP should feel embarrassed for feeling embarrassed?

That makes zero sense. Not clever at all.

pelosi · 26/05/2021 08:15

@littlepattilou

To feel embarrassed for him is condescending and rude. At least he was trying to give it a go.

As this poster says @VladmirsPoutine* YOU are the one who should be embarrassed.

You can't be condescending and rude when you haven't even SAID anything. You should be embarrassed for not getting it patti.