Can’t forget this bullying

[Slimfastbutabitfat]

Five years ago I was bullied in my workplace by my Head of primary, looking back I can now see it so clearly. I’m not sure why I wasn’t strong enough for the years I worked there to do anything about it. I now have a child and my former confidence has returned and I really see how wrong this behaviour was. I made a couple of my best friends at this previous workplace and they agree with me and were very supportive at the time.
This lady has now opened up her own school, which isn’t that successful, the irony being I now have a large group of mum friends who she’d love to attend her school.
Is there anything legal I can do about this now? Or do I just have to leave it to karma to see how things work out? She really was a terrible person and I didn’t deserve it.

Has anyone experienced anything similar and taken any action?

Guess not 😬

5 years ago? I'd forget about it and move on.

@shivawn I sort of had, but have been thinking about it recently for some reason. I don’t think you should be able to get away with treating people that way 🤷🏻‍♀️There were a fair few others who suffered at the hands of her too.

@shivawn

5 years ago? I'd forget about it and move on.

Yes, move on. It really isnt worth holding on to the toxicity for your own well being

But FWIW I left education after a dreadful HT who just ran through a school of 160 staff, sacking, dismissing, forcibly retiring, blackmailing, to the point of several breakdowns and one suicide. I live in hope that it all revisits her one day. But I simply cant afford her any more headspace.

I feel that dwelling on it now will do you no good. Unfortunately some people are just shitty but she's not your problem anymore.

@TwoAndAnOnion Similar ish story here, always seems to be in teaching, doesn’t it 🤷🏻‍♀️
I would like to see her have a taste of what she put others through, which sounds awful and I’m so not that person at all.

If I wanted to I could probably end her business by a few words with friends, news spreads fast where we are and people are loyal (ex oat community) but so far I’ve stayed out of it and really hope she isn’t successful.

@Slimfastbutabitfat

Five years ago I was bullied in my workplace by my Head of primary, looking back I can now see it so clearly. I’m not sure why I wasn’t strong enough for the years I worked there to do anything about it. I now have a child and my former confidence has returned and I really see how wrong this behaviour was. I made a couple of my best friends at this previous workplace and they agree with me and were very supportive at the time. This lady has now opened up her own school, which isn’t that successful, the irony being I now have a large group of mum friends who she’d love to attend her school. Is there anything legal I can do about this now? Or do I just have to leave it to karma to see how things work out? She really was a terrible person and I didn’t deserve it.

So sorry you had to go through that @Slimfastbutabitfat

The fact that it happened 5 years ago and you're still carrying it is concerning.

You're absolutely right that it shouldn't have happened but revenge won't make you feel better. It will make you look unhinged and bitter.

Have a look at some resilience building tactics and maybe have a think about what you want to focus on moving forwards. It's brain training to stop yourself thinking about this and it will take practice but you will get there. Have you tried writing everything down onto a piece of paper that you would want to say if you saw the bully again? Maybe that would help?

@TwoAndAnOnion So sorry you had to go through that, I’ve also not returned to teaching in schools, which is a shame as I adored it in many ways, professionally my confidence was wrecked.

@proudwomansexmatters I actually saw her at a zoo just because Christmas, I felt sick and held my toddler and left with my friends. I have all these things I’d want to say but don’t think it would probably affect her, from what I’ve heard, she likely doesn’t take much responsibility

[quote Slimfastbutabitfat]@TwoAndAnOnion Similar ish story here, always seems to be in teaching, doesn’t it 🤷🏻‍♀️
I would like to see her have a taste of what she put others through, which sounds awful and I’m so not that person at all.[/quote]
I will confess here, anonymously, of course, it consumed me for the first 4 to 5 years, none of us deserved what she did. But of course, academy chains seem to have carte blanche to treat people like dirt. I have one dead ex-colleague and one who will never work again. My line manager was weak and didn't defend me, he threw me under the bus and the Chair of Governors took my job on an inflated wage. The levels of corruption were unbelievable.

Empires eventually collapse. One can only sit back and hope they get caught out eventually

@proudwomansexmatters I don’t think about it for ages then it pops up again for some reason, I wish I’d been stronger

@TwoAndAnOnion That’s utterly shocking, so sorry about your ex colleagues. There is so much corruption (fee paying private school abroad here) all manner of things sent on and there was no one official you could complain to, it makes for a dangerous environment, where she had power and absolutely revelled in it, others needed to keep their job, so were weak. So very unjust and shouldn’t be allowed. I wait for the day her new project closes, she’d hate to fail at anything.

*Went on

[quote Slimfastbutabitfat]@proudwomansexmatters I don’t think about it for ages then it pops up again for some reason, I wish I’d been stronger[/quote]
You are strong. Strength is resilience not retaliation.

Open up that laptop or grab a piece of paper. Write down everything that happened. Bollocks to punctuation and any sense of structure. This is just a brain dump. Put down everything and anything you can remember. It will be very therapeutic. Reading it may well validate what has happened but you don't need validation really.

You can't let someone from 5 years ago ruin your life. The day you left was the first day of the rest of your life and that life needs to leave behind the old baggage.

Hugs to you though. I know how hard this can be. I had a horrendous experience with an ex employer a few years ago which made me very ill. I still think about it from time to time but it's fleeting now. At the time I couldn't even attend the same town that I worked in. I was very unwell with the stress. Now I am in a much better place and i realise that what I experienced at my old employer was not normal.

[quote Slimfastbutabitfat]@TwoAndAnOnion That’s utterly shocking, so sorry about your ex colleagues. There is so much corruption (fee paying private school abroad here) all manner of things sent on and there was no one official you could complain to, it makes for a dangerous environment, where she had power and absolutely revelled in it, others needed to keep their job, so were weak. So very unjust and shouldn’t be allowed. I wait for the day her new project closes, she’d hate to fail at anything.[/quote]
I was utterly set up, as the Senior Exams Officer

The Deputy Head was an English teacher, it was a live GCSE exam, she swarmed the exam hall with the English Department and they started reading over the candidate's shoulders, pointing, directing etc.

I said "Deputy Head, you know you can't be here, you'll all have to leave"
She smiled at me so smugly and said "Well, TwoAndAnOnion, it's your exam hall you deal with it".

I knew then that I would either face a disciplinary for undermining a senior member of staff, or I would be forever be blackmailed into allowing public exams to be corrupted. Either way, I had no way to retain any professional integrity. I walked out. Went sick for 6 months of course on full pay. Never went back. Couldn't get a reference. Had to totally change my profession.

@TwoAndAnOnion How on earth can these people get away with it, why are people such utter arseholes.

@proudwomansexmatters Thank you so much for your kind words, so sorry that you had similar. Unbelievable how it can affect you as an adult, such nasty people.

[quote Slimfastbutabitfat]@proudwomansexmatters Thank you so much for your kind words, so sorry that you had similar. Unbelievable how it can affect you as an adult, such nasty people.[/quote]
I really hope you are ok. Outwardly people think I am very strong. I am, but I keep a lot internalised. My experience nearly broke me. I've never felt anxiety or upset like it. I raised a grievance and wrote down everything that had happened as a statement for my appeal. I had to leave the room when they read it out and I was sick in the toilets. I've never ever had the urge to flee so badly that I physically got up and left. I could not listen to it. It was too traumatic. But looking back it was part of the process and it did help. It just didn't feel like it at the time.

I can't help with how you feel- those feelings are yours and are very valid. But I can say that you are the person who is in charge of your destiny. They do not get to choose how you live your life.

I took my ex employer to tribunal and when it was over I bought myself a watch. It reminds me when I look at it that time moves forward and I should never look back. I know that of course, but it helps to anchor me. And remind me that I need to think about something else that is in my future. I have had a complete career change since my experience and I sat down and made my decision that I would allow myself X period of time to wallow about it and after that I wouldn't allow myself any more time. Because I was taking control.

If you want to talk about it, I'd be happy to do a coaching call with you on some coping techniques x

I work for the Nhs and our departments manager is a sadistic cruel bully. She retires in 3 weeks after tormenting the department for over 10 years. We have a high turn over of staff because of her but HR & higher management love her.

So I know how you feel and I do sympathise. I don't think there is anything legally you can do. 5 years later is quite late to open yourself up to that kind of thing and could come across as vindictive to people who haven't got the same experience.

@KnottedFern What’s wrong with these people?! There also seems to be a lot of them in the caring professions 🤷🏻‍♀️

Definitely do what you can to damage her, within the law of course. Karma works sometimes but often needs a little helping hand. Revenge doesn't have to be a single big act, it can be a constant drip. In your case, word of mouth could do more damage to her than anything else.

I'd actually argue you are morally obliged to act. If you don't and she becomes a success it will mean she is able to bully more people in future.

@KnottedFern

I work for the Nhs and our departments manager is a sadistic cruel bully. She retires in 3 weeks after tormenting the department for over 10 years. We have a high turn over of staff because of her but HR & higher management love her.

So I know how you feel and I do sympathise. I don't think there is anything legally you can do. 5 years later is quite late to open yourself up to that kind of thing and could come across as vindictive to people who haven't got the same experience.

The NHS is another 'protected' environment. I've met some idiots, incompetents and utter bullies. No one ever tackles it. It's all swept under the carpet.

@skirk64 Why do I feel so strange about doing that 🤷🏻‍♀️The way it’s looking, hopefully things just won’t be lasting long anyway, without my input.