To expect SW to read the past files.....

[Icanflyhigh]

My delightful exH has once again made a referral to SS - this time stating I neglect the kids because I don't feed them, one of them has no school shoes or winter coat and because they have to investigate these things, a FSW came out, spoke to the kids and said she had serious concerns.

DS9 said there was an incident where he was pulled down the stairs and bitten and FSW assumed he meant by me - when it was his sister DD11. FSW wouldn't listen and we've ended up with a S47 referral now and I'm distraught.

In the midst of all this, DD16 (almost 17) has now decided she hates me and once again wants to live with the man who emotionally abused her and drove her to take an overdose 4 years ago, but because he will let her have her boyfriend stay over and shag to their hearts content, the grass is obviously greener.

Anyway, this is the 7th SS referral in as many years. I've begged both the FSW and now SW to read the files of the past involvement where it is recorded that eldest DD has lied and been coerced by her father, but they won't read them until they have collected their assessment.

What do I do?

I know I have to engage, but I have literally begged them to read the files and the past history and they will see a long history of lies and coercion and emotional abuse recorded - but they won't. SW mentioned today I need to take out a section 7 public law case against exH to stop his contact with them - largely as we don't have any issues with their behaviour when he has no contact.

For extra info, I am due to marry DP in 7 weeks and we both knew exH was building up to trying to throw a spanner in the works.

Genuinely feel like I'm stuck and don't know what to do - there is a massive backstory and a lot relates to DD16 being so entitled and manipulative, I love her but she is sucked in by her father time and time again, even though she knows he has lied to her over and over. Any advice appreciated.

Anyone??

I have no insight or advice but didn't want to read and run. That sounds impossibly hard Have you had any therapy or counselling with your DD?

So sorry I don't have any advice but happy to do my best to handhold.

Try to need feed the drama for DD1. Let her go off and live with her "Dad" know she will be back and she will mature and grow out of it eventually.

You know SS will eventually see through the malicious report again.

Do what you can to look forward to your wedding. If DD doesn't want to come (to keep Dad happy) don't let it spoil your day. It's about you and DP for one day only.

Remember how desperate and pathetic and miserable your ex is to still be wanting to cling on to controlling you.

Incorrect on the part of the SW; case history and a chronology of concerns should be central to their assessment. How could they make conclusions without it? Can you email SW and their manager and lay out your concerns and confirm that they intend to conclude an assessment without relevant case history? Because it’s fairly obvious and really I would imagine it would be corrected at that stage. If not, complain via the local authority procedure.

I would expect the school would have noticed if the children were inappropriately dressed and make a referral. Clearly, they haven't.

Thing is, the SS have to investigate; they are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Would school stand as witness on your behalf?

Thank you for your replies.

The primary school for DS will certainly stand for me and report no concerns, I've had a lengthy meeting with the headteacher regarding this already- she wasn't even informed about the meeting of professionals until I told her 30 mins before meeting started.

There has been lots of therapy in place for DD1 but unfortunately at almost 17 she knows it all and if me and DP aren't telling her what she wants to hear, then we're shit parents who don't support her.

I'm really at a loss and I do intend to email SW and her manager but I need to do it when I'm calm, which I'm not right now. I've had so many years of this pathetic emotional abuse and I'm done - I just feel like giving up right now and yet DP is the most supportive mam ever, and he won't give up - which is fab, he really is the best.

I just want someone to listen to my side and see it all from our point of view and not be blindsided by his really good public image. I'm gobsmacked that anyone can write an assessment without knowing full facts.

They do read past referrals

@philadelphiafreedom

Incorrect on the part of the SW; case history and a chronology of concerns should be central to their assessment. How could they make conclusions without it? Can you email SW and their manager and lay out your concerns and confirm that they intend to conclude an assessment without relevant case history? Because it’s fairly obvious and really I would imagine it would be corrected at that stage. If not, complain via the local authority procedure.

This. Part of their assessment should be collecting family history - and this includes the previous involvement or allegations your ex has made.

Actually is their an independent advocacy service in your area? They might be worth contacting - they can speak for you, and it might save you from worrying you will not be able to get your message across properly because of the stress this is causing you.

@Happycat1212

They do read past referrals

They haven't so far, both the FSW and the SW who have been out have said they haven't had time, and they do intend to, but not before they do their assessment.

I have it documented that all referrals so far are malicious, and all have been marked as no further action and no input required. But thus is the first S47 and is all based upon the FSW not listening and making assumptions when my boy said he was pulled down the stairs and bitten - she assumed it was me, and it wasn't- it was his sister. That has been clarified today. If this assumption hadn't been made, this referral would also have been marked as No further action now.

I’d ring the help desk tomorrow and ask to speak to SW’s manager. Ask why they’re saying they can’t read past files when your ex has a history of vexatious complaints. I’m in adult SS but it’s hard to see why children’s would be so antagonistic towards you. One of the principles of safeguarding is to not make a situation worse for the vulnerable person. If they go in all guns blazing and belligerent, if you were abusive that would just increase the stress in the family, and increase the risk! I expect they’d still have to look into it but could at least temper their attitude...

I have told them this- I know this. One of my previous jobs was training social workers so I know the system inside out, but they will not listen to me, and because I have a tendency to cry, I'm just being labelled. She had the cheek to ask if my mental health had been observed recently and if I was deemed stable. I have no history of mental health issues apart from taking ADs which exH instructed me to take else he'd divorce me. I haven't taken a single tablet since the day he left (7 years ago) and I've never felt better.

@audweb

Actually is their an independent advocacy service in your area? They might be worth contacting - they can speak for you, and it might save you from worrying you will not be able to get your message across properly because of the stress this is causing you.

I'm not sure, I've done a quick Google search tonight but even the LA isn't accepting new complaints re service due to Covid.

@dangermouseisace

I’d ring the help desk tomorrow and ask to speak to SW’s manager. Ask why they’re saying they can’t read past files when your ex has a history of vexatious complaints. I’m in adult SS but it’s hard to see why children’s would be so antagonistic towards you. One of the principles of safeguarding is to not make a situation worse for the vulnerable person. If they go in all guns blazing and belligerent, if you were abusive that would just increase the stress in the family, and increase the risk! I expect they’d still have to look into it but could at least temper their attitude...

Thank you - they're all working from home still and trying to get a call back is nigh on impossible.

I am beyond belief that they haven't read the past files. I have them all filed neatly at home and offered them to her to read today- but she doesn't have time to do that apparently.

She has said that there is no concern for the younger DC, it is now just the eldest who is almost 17 - but is still a child. I'm seriously at a loss. She is a child, my child, but she leaves school on Friday this week and the minute I try to enforce any boundary she blows up at me. Her only concern is for her boyfriend, and she cares for nothing else.