To have not told DS (5) that DS (10) has a different dad?

[RapidRapids]

Another thread has made me consider this.
DS 10 is aware of DH not being his biological dad. He hasn't seen his biological dad since he was a baby.

10 year old asked to call DH dad when he was 6, so DS (5) has grown up hearing that.
DS 10 changed his surname from my previous surname to DH and my current surname aged 7 so that isn't a way to bring the conversation up.
Should we tell DS (5) that DS (10) has a different biological dad, and if so how do we bring this up with DS (10) without it making him feel that it's significant that DH isn't biologically his dad but is DS (5)s?

Alternatively should we just wait until DS10 brings it up or chooses to tell DS (5)?

YABU - we should tell DS5
YANBU - we should wait for it to naturally be discussed

Is should just be an always known fact. Big brother is his brother but someone else gave his seed to make him and dad is dad but didn't make him.

Why so many of these threads recently 🤔 anyway yes your child should know, my older sister has a different dad to me but she calls my dad dad, even now as adults, but I’ve always known she had a different dad. Can’t believe how many people keep these things secret.

By the time the youngest gets to sex ed they should know IMO.

I think he'd just shrug and carry on with whatever he's doing if you tell him at 5. If you tell him when he's older be might be upset that it's been a secret for years

But then I say that as someone who's nephew doesn't know his "dad" isn't really his dad and that his siblings are half siblings, he's 22. It's awful knowing the family have this secret and he's completely oblivious to it

I think it will be accepted far more easily at 5 than if you wait for a big moment

Yes, tell your DS2.
At 5 he will take it as a fact, not a big deal.
Then he will grow up knowing but not being bothered.

You could throw it in with facts of life.
Do you know how babies are made? It needs a man to make a sperm and a woman an egg. Dad made the sperm for you, but X made it for DS1, but even though Dad didn't help make DS1 as I didn't know him then, it doesn't make any difference to us. (And then if asked, no we don't see X because whatever).

Of course he should know.

Try reading a picture book which demonstrates different types of families, there are a few different ones available. When you get to a family similar to yours (half siblings) you can go, "oh, well this is interesting. This is like us because...." and gently explain that older brother had a different biological dad who left a a very long time ago and when you met youngest's dad, you all chose to be a family and added youngest to complete your family etc. Then move one by being all, "let's look at the other types of families".

Obviously you'll word it better than that!

DC should always know these things. Otherwise it becomes a big "secret" that you don't know how and when to reveal. Even though I didn't meet them as a child, I always knew I had half siblings. It was never something that was hidden so I don't remember how and when I was told. But younger children take things naturally in their stride. The older they get the trickier it becomes.

Yes, as others have said this way he will grow up accepting it without a second thought.

If you leave it and it gets revealed at a later date it will far likely cause a lot more upset. Children worry far more when they don’t understand why a secret was kept from them.

YABU of course he should know

Yes, tell him. But don't make it a "telling him" thing - just something you say.

As you are bringing this up from reading the other thread, you will already see the difficulties that occur when you keep this stuff a secret. Your dc won't be interested or phased at all if it is something they have always known, but will be hurt if they find out for some reason that you 'lied by omission' to them all their life.

I think I mentioned it casually quite a few times over the years from 5/6 years old to my two younger ones. But I can remember mentioning it again when Ex got in touch with DD1 after absolutely years and both little ones had forgotten that she had a different biological father and were surprised! I was obviously not trying to make a big deal over the years but in actual fact should've made more of a big deal!

Why so many of these threads recently

This is the fourth thread I've read in 2 days. Here are two you could have a read through OP.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4253909-Biological-dad-a-secret

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4253583-family-member-telling-my-children-their-sister-is-a-half-sister?pg=1