Playdate etiquette for siblings

[Newtorunning]

I have searched through and cant find a thread on the etiquette for (not) inviting a sibling to a playdate.
I have two kids age 5 and 7. The 5 year old DD is friends with our neighbours daughter also 5. Said neighbours kid has a brother who is 8. He is really a handful and very 'in your face' and not what I would call pals with either of my kids. When he has been over he is a nightmare I'm afraid to say. Long story short I am totally happy for my 5 year old to have a play date with my neighbours 5 year old but I do not want to invite her older brother. But previously when I have mentioned a play date he openly exclaims things like CAN I COME? Which is really obviously awkward and I dont want to be mean - but I genuinely dont want him round. BUT I know (I just know) the mum will expect me to invite him over as well.

How do I invite just the younger sister without inviting her older brother, but also being to the point and not kind of pussy footing around it. The friendship is definitely there between my dd and her dd but not with our older children.

Or AIBU?

She’s loving having kid free t8me

Make clear it’s for youngest only

Its 100% fine. My dd is great friends with
a neighbors dd. And often gets invited round and vice versa. My 9 year old also likes the neighbours dd (and vice versa) but no expectation for her to get invited. I wouldn't expect it or make the neighbour feel any obligation. They're separate kids, with separate relationships. Not a package. Zero need to feel any obligation

I think you might upset the mum though because even if the boy doesn’t pick up that you don’t like him, his mum will. I wouldn’t have wanted my DD playing with a child whose mother didn’t like my DS. Sorry

It would be one thing if he didn’t want to come but he does and you are effectively leaving him out. You could say to his mum that you don’t want him over as you don’t like him and see if she is on board with keeping him out of the way for you ….

You're allowed to leave him out. Just like if you meet up with a friend you can leave out their partner. You don't need a reason. They are separate kids of different ages.

Say you were going to take them somewhere and there's no space in the car. Or you were going for a walk somewhere and you're not comfortable taking 4 of them.

Or say your 7yo don't be there so it's little girls day only.

@Newtorunning

Hah totally true which again I am afraid that she will think. But truly I really do feel I need to put these boundaries in.

I will message directly for sure as well.. Good plan. I havent asked in front of him before but for some reason the mum will verbally respond about it in front of him. Prompting him to then ask if he can come and then the mum looks at me almost expectantly.... it's quite odd really.

It's not odd. She wants him off her hands too

Engineer a car journey into it and say you havent enough seats to fit him.

Say eldest has piano/ballet/swimming/measles

I'm blunt, no one likes me for it but I would probably have a quiet word with mum and say "really sorry but eldest just doesn't gel with your DS and its not fair on her to have to entertain him so her sibling can have a friend over"

Be clear that the invitation is only for the younger ones.

I have it the other way round. DS2 genuinely likes DS1's best friend and vice versa, and they've done Beavers together after DS1 moved on so know each other of their own accord but DS1 needs some 1:1 time with his friend so I sometimes arrange for DS2 to be busy as 3 can be a crowd and we don't need the sibling jealousy fights over every visit!
I would not expect DS2 to be included unless very specifically asked.