To think this is why my son can never leave home?

[RainRainGoAwayItsMayFFS]

It fills me with absolute terror that something like this could happen to him, and I have read many similar stories in the past.

www.ipswichstar.co.uk/news/crime/three-jailed-for-life-for-murdering-joe-pooley-7997638

He is almost 20 and has ASD and learning difficulties, is desperate for friends but very socially awkward and shy and would be very easy to take advantage of. He has already been and I dread to think what could have happened if he wasn’t with us.

We were hoping he’d move into some sort of supported accommodation in the next few years and would love to think he could live semi independently with good support and protection from scumbags like the ones in the article but from experience of the support he’s had up til now, I know realistically it’s unlikely to happen especially under the austerity of the Tories.

DH and I are likely to have him at home until we’re on our last legs and then god knows what’ll happen to him. He has siblings but they can’t be expected to care for him in their later years.

AIBU to think this or just realistic?

I understand your fears. My two DC are also autistic and I worry for their future. DC1 is 16 and when I say I don't think she will leave home, people say she'd probably manage in supported accommodation - but there isn't any supported accommodation!! In an ideal world, this is what she would get, but those of us who live this life know the realities of it.

What an awful thing to happen to that boy. The situation reminds me of the recent murder of Steven Donaldson, also carried out because of jealousy over a girl.

Does he have an EHC Plan? If so it is supposed to include planning for independent living and accessing the community and employment. He should also have a care plan under the Care Act 2014 that includes something similar. Talk to Social Services about a careful plan for independent living.

Honestly, you won't be doing your son any favours by keeping him at home precisely because you won't live for ever. You need to help him now to move to independence.

We want ds to move into supported living as soon as he finishes his education but he has very severe learning difficulties and so will always have carers with him. I think the worry can be more if a young person is capable of some independence and therefore vulnerable to be taken advantage of but I still think it is better to make the move when they are younger rather than older.

It all depends on how much you are able to afford really. Supported accommodation is available for those who can pay for it, have you investigated how much it will cost? How much will your estate be worth once it is divided up fairly between your children? Relying on social care is obviously no good, neither Labour nor the Tories are interested in improving this.

Our autistic Niece lives in a small one bedroom flat in a complex of 6 sheltered homes for adults with LDs. Social workers are there to support them every day, help with housework, shopping etc. A charity has volunteers who take residents out in non-Covid times.

Please don't despair, there is help out there but you have to fight for it.

I also have the same worries. DS is 15, and has autism. He is socially very vulnerable, he has been tricked and bullied by other children who he thought were friends. He has been mocked behind his back by children of mums who spend their time posting “be kind” on social media.
I felt absolutely sick reading this story. I know it is rare, but managing risks with disabled children is easier than when they are adults.

My aunt and uncle had a child with multiple disabilities. They kept her home for their entire lives. My uncle put all of his spare money into life insurance, so that when he and his wife died their daughter (now in her late 40's) could spend the rest of her life at an expensive sheltered accommodation run by the church. She lived there about 30 more years.

there are some lovely places out there, just no where near enough.

We have a family friend who is unable to live independently, needs lots of support, would be very vulnerable to manipulation and abuse.

He lives in a community, on a farm. There are houses of 5 or 6 people, with house parents. They all work in some way on the farm/gardens etc. As a community they are always doing things like putting on shows, having bingo night etc. He loves it, and has lived there for about 30 years.

and I should say that it is run by a charity, his family live in a council house and could not pay.