Strange exchange with nursery about injury sustained there

[Cravingphillyoncrackers]

DS goes to nursery 9am til 4.30. He has autism and so do alot of the other children there.

At about 2.30 this afternoon I had a voice message from the nursery manager saying:

"We noticed a red scratch on DS neck shortly after he came in today, can you kindly confirm this happened at home"

I responded to say that it hadn't and he had no marks this morning before being dropped off at 9am.

DH went to pick up and spoke to the deputy who then explained that there was a minor incident that she witnessed between DS and another little girl over a toy. DS pushed the girl and the girl grabbed DS on the area where the scratch is, so that's what happened.

The incident itself isn't a huge ordeal if the way it was explained was correct, these things happen and DS is fine, but AIBU to find it strange and a bit suspicious that the nursery manager tried to imply it happened at home.. despite the incident being witnessed there by staff.

I'm guessing that they saw the incident and noticed the scratch but weren't sure whether that had been caused in the scuffle or was already there. Perhaps they worded it weirdly but they might have just been checking whether it was a new injury or not.

Could there have been a communication breakdown, ie manager saw the scratch but somehow wires were crossed about how it happened and the two staff members didn't get to talk about it properly until after she had made the phone call?

Grabbing at straws there though, it does sound suspicious that she basically put words in your mouth about how it happened. She wasn't asking, if that's word for word what she said.

Perhaps the deputy and the manager hadn't spoken prior to the manager phoning you and the deputy hadn't had a change to fill out an incident report yet. If there are no other issues then I wouldn't worry about this.

Maybe when you said it didn't happen at home they checked the cameras? This happened with my DD and they told me after they cameras and saw what happened.

I'm guessing that they saw the incident and noticed the scratch but weren't sure whether that had been caused in the scuffle or was already there.

Exactly this.
It’s just safeguarding.
They need to know it definitely happened at nursery. If you had said the cat scratched him so it was there before they’ll know the other child didn’t do it. They will probably have a word with that child’s parent to say they left a mark on another child.
It’s probably to protect themselves too as you could complain about it so they log it so they have proof.

@toocold54

I'm guessing that they saw the incident and noticed the scratch but weren't sure whether that had been caused in the scuffle or was already there.

Exactly this.
It’s just safeguarding.
They need to know it definitely happened at nursery. If you had said the cat scratched him so it was there before they’ll know the other child didn’t do it. They will probably have a word with that child’s parent to say they left a mark on another child.
It’s probably to protect themselves too as you could complain about it so they log it so they have proof.

Was going to say the same.

If you are unsure you need to find out how it happened and the best way to to ask if it happened at home.

The fact they've admitted how they believe it happened because they know something happened that could have caused the scratch shows they aren't trying to hide something.

Thank you for the perspective

I've a tendency to worry when anything sounds amiss because DS can't tell me himself what happened. I wouldn't bat an eye at children being children, such as the explanation given, so I'm not upset about it - was just confused (and admittedly a bit suspicious) about them seemingly wanting me to take ownership for it but then telling us what happened.

The message was certainly poorly worded, op.

Yes it would have worried me too at the time. They should have worded it better definitely.

Usually it would be.. we’ve seen x mark on child’s arm when they came to school have you noticed this? That opens the conversations

With respect, I think this is what happens when uneducated people attempt to be formal. They don’t quite get the wording right; they seem to repeat what they have come across elsewhere without understanding whether it makes sense in the context used.

She should have said “confirm whether this happened at home” - otherwise she’s essentially telling you to say yes regardless of the truth. “Kindly confirm” is also strange in this context, almost like they’re asking you to lie for them, when she meant it in a “sorry to inconvenience you” manner. Definitely poor wording.

It's an odd way of phrasing the question but I wouldn't view it as being a big deal. They need to know how injuries have occurred for safeguarding purposes. And if they happen at nursery, they need to record them.

I have an active and foolhardy 3yo and have found myself, red-faced and embarrassed, explaining his weekend injuries to nursery a few times on a Monday morning while his lovely key worker diligently makes notes. The first was finger marks around the wrist from grabbing him as he tried to run out onto the road in front of a truck. The second was extensive bruising from him launching himself off the sofa onto a wooden floor. The most recent was bruising around the leg and groin area during a collision with a fence when hurtling along on his balance bike. If an injury is consistent with potential abuse, they need to know how it happened.

Well, you can phrase things to mean the exact opposite of what you intend, and that defeats the very objective of communication.
I agree with what wingsnthat said.

Really badly worded. Whether this was a mistake/lack of understanding or on purpose I have no idea.

Common sense would indicate a mistake when wording it or rushing and missing out an "if", but the alternative is also possible. Not probable,but possible.

You could have a chat with them tomorrow morning if it really bothers you.