Having a meltdown

[Fyoupeppa]

Don’t know who to talk to, really struggling with almost 3 year old dd. She’s bright with advanced speech, can be sweet etc, but just such hard work.
She just never stops, is so hard to get to sleep, it’s Groundhog Day, day after day.
Today I’m just lay here crying after finally getting her down for a much needed nap.
The house is full of mess all over the place as usual. She doesn’t listen to us and just never seems to stop.
I have friends with kids of a similar age and they just seem so much easier.
Really struggling today, is this normal behaviour of a sign of Adhd for example?

It could it something it could be nothing. ‘She never stops’ and the house being a mess really isn’t indicative of anything. Lots of three year olds don’t nap.

What is it that is worrying you?

Involve her in the tidy up and where things belong. You need her to nap but does she?
You sound worn down - can you talk to someone and get some support. Is she in nursery?

@JackieTheFart Just finding it all so full on the last few months, it’s like it has gone up a notch. I’m wondering if her behaviour is normal, she seems angrier and shouts a fair bit, when I compare with her friends, they’re a lot more chilled

@KnowlWay Nursery in September and it’s definitely time, for both of us. I’m normally ok, exhausted but ok, just recently it’s been too much.
I always have tried to involve her but she doesn’t want to tidy, I’ve tried every angle.
I’m an Early years teacher so am used to differing behaviours and using different techniques, but she just doesn’t listen to a word we say, I feel like I’m failing and now she’s asleep I feel so guilty for not being my normal self with her this morning.
I just felt I wanted (needed) to be alone. That’s awful isn’t it.

@KnowlWay She needs to nap as is often overtired but can’t get to sleep

[quote Fyoupeppa]@JackieTheFart Just finding it all so full on the last few months, it’s like it has gone up a notch. I’m wondering if her behaviour is normal, she seems angrier and shouts a fair bit, when I compare with her friends, they’re a lot more chilled[/quote]
I want to give you a big squeeze!

Age 3 was the worst for me. They’re still so needy aren’t they, but simultaneously wanting to be independent. My twins were also very severely speechless delayed so that was difficult - but it was DS3 who was very articulate who was the worst. He was a whirlwind.

I don’t think there’s anything a rest for you won’t fix to be honest. I apologise my first post reads a little snippy, I really didn’t mean it to.

Be kind to yourself. Get some big plastic bins from B&Q for her stuff and you and she can spend five minutes lobbing all the crap in there at lunch time and bed time. Get her lots of books and frame nap time as ‘quiet time’ where she must stay in her own bedroom. Encourage her to play on her own. Definitely let her burn off as much energy as possible in the mornings - my son was always much more relaxed if we took a long walk to the park.

I’m sure you’ve tried lots of this but hope some of it helps. Most of all - just give yourself a break. You’re not doing anything wrong.

Please please please don’t compare her to other three year olds. They are all different. I appreciate you are going through a tough time. Let the house be a mess and when she naps, you nap too. Be kind to yourself 💐

@FabulouslyFab It’s just an observation I’ve made, I’d never say it to her or think their children were better

Three year olds are hard work. Yours sounds like a typical example. Don’t get hung up on the other 3 year olds you know, they will be just like yours behind closed doors. Mine used to be a little angel in public and then rage at home. The best advice my friend gave me was ‘it’s a phase and it will pass’ and it did. You sound exhausted. Hugs from me

You could have just described my 2 and a half year old. I find that I'm often saying no for no real reason just because he doesn't listen to anything I say. We've found that explaining every minute detail and reasoning behind a decision helps and also I'm trying to say no a lot less. It can sometimes feel like negotiating with a little terrorist but on days that I do it like that they are a lot calmer than on days that I don't.

My eldest was a bit full on at that age. She’s a delight now - has been since age 6 and is now 12. Does it help if I say she’s VERY bright?

I was surprised how hard the 3's were. Everyone talks about 'terrible 2's' which I think lulled me into a false sense of security. 3's were far worse! Pick your battles and try not to take it personally. They just need routine and if you need 5 mins put her somewhere safe and take it. Turn the telly on for her and get a cup of tea. It's hard op and sounds like you're exhausted. Be kind to yourself.

When my eldest was 3 (and didn't want to nap) we used to snuggle on the sofa and watch TV. (If we watched the same show twice he would sometimes be asleep the second time. - He might have been a little younger.....but worth trying. I would nurse the younger child and then we might all nap together!! Either that or we would have an activity out in the morning - a sandwich lunch and then a big buggy push home - so that I would have 2 sleeping kids in the buggy. Do whatever works for you.

Now - you have a nap too. When she has woken and is happy she can play alone while you tidy up. Explain to her mummy can't play till tidying is done. If she helps you then it will be quicker.....(it might not actually be quicker but will start to get her used to the idea that she should tidy too.)

Everyone's child seems easier to other people!!