Interrupting conversation? Rude or ignorant? AIBU to be miffed by this?

[Sandra15]

I'm in a book group that is run through a local church (I'm not a member of it) and we've been having Zoom meetings for the last 14 months. Last Saturday there was a coffee morning in the church hall that I went to. I didn't check all the details, and I thought it was the book group only but it turned out it was a wider event and many church members went

There's only one other woman my age in the book group, the next youngest after us is 50. But they're an OK group and we have some good chats.

Anyway on Saturday I was sitting at a table with two other women socially distanced, and we were chatting, having coffee and eating cake. Then another lady - let's call her Judy - came in, pulled a chair up next to me and we all started chatting. Judy and I were talking, then another woman (not book group member) came over and the other two were chatting away. Obviously it's a novelty, nobody has met up in person for over a year.

Then a 50-something chap in a high-viz tabard came over and said to Judy something like "eyup flower not seen you in yonks" (we're in Barnsley) and just like that, mid conversation, she turned around and began talking to this guy. I felt like Billy No Mates as nobody included me or introduced me. It was weird.

Once I would have thought negatively about this sort of thing but now I just think this is an example of terrible social skills. I don't blame covid either.

When I've been out with mates and someone else has spotted me and come across, I've introduced everyone and so this really surprised me. I'm not upset by it, but it was my cue to leave!

What do you think?

But for all you know, he was someone she hardly knew, who just came up and accosted her in a casual church hall situation. It's perfectly possible it wasn't a particularly welcome introduction, and that if she turned around and introduced him to you, he'd have sat down and stayed.

You were sitting at a table with two other people, and could have just joined in their chat or moved off to find someone else you know from the book group. No, it wouldn't strike me as in any way rude in this specific situation.

Sorry, not 'introduction' but a 'not particularly welcome interruption'.

With kindness, I think you’re being a bit over sensitive. People are excited to see others at the moment and sometimes normal manners go out the window. You stopped talking to the two women you were with originally to talk to Judy; that sounds quite rude too, when you’re all sat together at the same table. Getting up and leaving also sounds quite rude.

@Sn0tnose

With kindness, I think you’re being a bit over sensitive. People are excited to see others at the moment and sometimes normal manners go out the window. You stopped talking to the two women you were with originally to talk to Judy; that sounds quite rude too, when you’re all sat together at the same table. Getting up and leaving also sounds quite rude.

You stopped talking to the two women you were with originally to talk to Judy; that sounds quite rude too, when you’re all sat together at the same table. Getting up and leaving also sounds quite rude.

No I didn't actually, they stopped talking to Judy and me when someone else appeared. (This sounds playground I know)

I got up and left because I had a zumba class coming up and I explained that I was leaving for that reason. I also said how nice it was to see everyone again.

I'm not upset by it, just to be clear, but asking for opinions as I thought it strange.

You were sitting at a table with two other people, and could have just joined in their chat or moved off to find someone else you know from the book group.

There was nobody else there that I knew. It was one of those drop-in things so people came and went at different times.

This wouldn't bother me in the least

This sounds to me to be so utterly normal in my experience of church hall/church group coffee morning settings that I wouldn’t bet an eyelid.

I mean yes, you’re right of course, interrupting someone’s conversation is a bit rude and yes, ideally the person being interrupted should introduce you and then the conversation goes on with all included but in real life, in church hall community settings, it generally doesn’t.

I really wouldn’t think anything of it.

@Sandra15 I do empathise, and YANBU to feel miffed. It's doubtful that this was done on purpose, and this man was probably just excited to see this woman, and she was excited to see him. They would most likely have not excluded you on purpose.

But deliberate or not, it IS rude. They should not have excluded you from the conversation, when you were in the middle of chatting to this particular woman.

I have had this happen to me a few times. I have been chatting to someone in a social setting like this, and someone else who knows them has come up (in the middle of me speaking to them,) and said 'hey Sarah, how are you? How's the kids? How's the hubby?' whilst completely ignoring me. Then the two of them veer off into conversation, turning their back on me, leaving me there, excluded.

I have to admit, I do find it very rude, because, they have basically just cut me off, and excluded me from their chat. It rarely happens, but when it does, I walk away without even saying goodbye. Yep, I can be rude too.

As I say, YANBU at all. The woman you were speaking to should have introduced you to this man. OR the man should have said 'hello' to you and said 'who's your friend?' to the woman.