AIBU to be so angry with my ex

[MangoBiscuit]

We're divorced. He's was emotionally abusive, and ramped it up in the last couple of years of our marriage. So I'm worried my emotions get clouded when dealing with him.

We have 2 DDs together, 50/50 shared care. Just before we split, I bought us all new bikes. In our split, we agreed that ownership of things we'd bought remained with who paid for them, so the bike are all legally mine, but I agreed to let him keep his, and the girls bikes would stay at his, their scooters at mine, and we'd keep swapping back and forth as needed.

I've just found out he's sold the girls bikes. Without asking me if that was ok, and without replacing them. He said that they were too small for them. They have had them 2 years, so that is entirely possible, but selling them without checking with me (and pocketing the money himself) has really pissed me off.

AIBU to think he shouldn't have done that?

He should at the very least, put the money towards new ones.

To me it depends whether he is putting the money toward new bikes. If he is, then no problem

As they were items owned by you he ought to have consulted you
Now he’s done it then he should be using the proceeds to buy them new bikes

I've asked. He's planning on getting them something of their choice, probably not bikes.

Tell him to give you the money.

I'm not sure. Maybe he sees them as your daughter's bikes rather than yours and he's sold them as they are too small and is getting something else for them with the money so might think he is doing the right thing for them. I think it depends what the something else is. He might have not kept track of who paid for them after 2 years and as divorced I'm not sure it needs a conversion after every outgrown item.

I can understand why you are annoyed but I'm not sure you would have been foremost in his thoughts when he did it, as long as your daughters were and he isn't just spending it on everyday items then I'd be inclined to let it go.

What a cheeky fucker he is

Even if they were too small if you agreed you had paid for them it wasn't his place to sel them

My exh sold anything the dc took there. Including decent clothes.. I kept everything I paid for at my house.. The dc understood and no issues..
They went nc with him years ago. Wonder why??

If they’re too big for the bikes I wouldn’t mind this provided he used the money for new bikes. If he’s just using the money for himself he’s a total twat.

@MangoBiscuit

I've asked. He's planning on getting them something of their choice, probably not bikes.

That sounds pretty reasonable. He’s not going off to the pub with the proceeds.

Who had paid for things had all been discussed, it had to be as part of the divorce. The bikes are the scooters were the unusual items, because they were the only things that didn't get allocated to one household. I would be surprised if he'd forgotten. He has form for keeping their new uniform I've bought them, and sending them back with clothes from his that they've outgrown. He then smirks when I ask for things back.

You don't sell something someone else has bought. If the bikes were too small for them, both parents have a conversation and agree that yes, perhaps the old bikes should be sold and the money put towards new ones. The parent who didn't paid for them had no right to a) sell them and b) keep the money.

@Aprilwasverywet

My exh sold anything the dc took there. Including decent clothes.. I kept everything I paid for at my house.. The dc understood and no issues.. They went nc with him years ago. Wonder why??

Sorry you had to deal with that. How did you cope with sending clothes back and forth? I think I'm going to have to start writing "Mum" on all their labels or something. He likes getting me to jump through hoops to get things back. So I have pictures of their clothes, and the receipts to match.

Err no, he gives you YOUR money back!

From your updates it sounds like he would have remembered they were yours. I would ask for the money or insist he buys replacement bikes

Can you send him a screenshot of the legal bit?

Tbh he sounds like an arsehole and I doubt that you're going to get the money or new bikes out of him.

Since the bikes were too small anyway, I'd chalk it up to experience but make sure that anything valuable you buy from now on stays at yours. It's a shame for the children if they can't take things back and forward but you can't guarantee they will come back again and that's not on.

Second hand kids’ bikes aren’t going to have fetched a lot. As long as he’s going to use the money towards replacement bikes or something else for them, I’d let it go. It seems exhausting to fight over, really.

I can see that this is annoying, but I think as another poster said, the price of second hand bikes is small and as you said, the bikes were two years old and they had probably outgrown them, so I would personally let it go and possibly buy them new bikes at Christmas or get second hand ones for them, but they stay at your house!

@Bibidy, he IS an arsehole this is just the latest in a long line of stunts. He likes getting a reaction from me, and doesn't care if what he's done upsets our girls. Just when I think I have reasonable boundaries, and he can't get to me, he pulls something else.

Thank you everyone. Seems like I'm not being irrational to be annoyed, but might be best to just drop it and move on. I will wait a few days, then think about whether I bother any further with it. I AM going to look into getting a stamp or something, to label their clothes with. Bit by bit, I will remove any route he has to cause difficulties for us, and console myself that I don't have to live with him anymore.