To sell wedding and engagement rings?

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

I left ExH ten months ago after a very unhappy marriage - with lots of help and support from lovely people on Mumsnet and a few in RL. this question is about money. I had to borrow 4000 to move , have paid back 1600. I have no means of credit ( DH had a gambling , drugs and alcohol issue ) and , although I work and have been managing fine , myself and the two DC are living month to month. We manage , and I have been trying to squirrel away a bit each month for Christmas(currently standing at £130) I have had a huge essential car bill for 400 which has basically wiped out my grocery bill for the month . I cannot earn any more due to childcare , I have no means to borrow. The only asset I have is my wedding and engagement rings. I have had three valuations , highest is a commission , lowest is £500 for both.
My question is , even though my marriage was not the best and I have no daughters to pass then down to , AIBU to sell them ? No doubt we need the money , but I feel a tug in my stomach . I always imagined one day I would sell them and put the money towards something fun for us like a small holiday , not essential car maintenance. AIBU to use them now ?
(For context , ExDH still has his but lives with new partner and it hasn't been an issue for him )

I just know he will give me grief for doing it

This makes me so angry on your behalf. If he was so sentimental about your wedding rings, maybe he shouldn’t have fucked you over so badly meaning it was necessary?!

As for selling them - I would, wouldn’t even consider keeping them. They’re a memory of an unhappy marriage. Don’t tell him. If he asks, you’re perfectly within your rights to tell him it’s literally none of his business.

Sell them. There is no reason you should tell him. How would he ever know? Unless he has access to your house, they could be sitting in a drawer somewhere. Or they could have got 'lost' either. Any conversation with him should be kept solely about your dc from now on, not about your jewellery. While you're at it, have a look around your house to see if there are other things you can sell. You'd be surprised what people will buy.

And on that lovely positive note and idea SilenceOfThePrams I think I will just do it . We need the money right now ; it's not always going to be like this . I am going to sell them but try try to keep as much back as I possibly can to save to try and get ahead of anything else big pops up ! Thank you all of you for your advice. It is always such a help to have fresh perspectives from people so thank you all so much xx

@SilenceOfThePrams

Sell them. Use the money to pay your bills. But remember how much you got for them. Finances won’t always be this tight. When you are in a better place, with decent savings, remember that you owe yourself that amount of money, and put it towards something meaningful to you without guilt.

This was my first thought - and it's what I would do.

Oh, and I wouldn't tell him either - it's absolutely none of his business.

I hope things improve for you sooner rather than later.

@Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme

I'm sorry if it's already been mentioned, but are you claiming everything in benefits you should? Have a look at www.entitledto.co.uk. Also see if you could save money using a water meter - check online with your water provider. If you have one supplier providing you with both gas and electricity (I don't know if you have both) you can save under a dual fuel contract - especially if you then pay by direct debit.

And, of course, you are claiming the 25% single-person discount on your council tax bills. Check for promotional codes online too to apply against something you might buy online. You can usually save a decent percentage off the cost of something you are buying online. Even claiming postage-free delivery is worth it nothing else is available. Good luck to you OP. 🌹

Do what’s best for you!
I have my parents (divorced when I was in my 20’s) they sit in a draw. I’ve asked my sisters if they’d be happy if I sold them and split the money or I said melt them and split each diamond into a little token for each of us ....they’ve both said no. So now they just sit in a draw being useless!

@DownWhichOfLate

£500 for secondhand rings is a lot! Usually you’d only get the weight of whatever metal they are made from. Do it.

I was wondering about this. Say you have a ring that would cost £5000 to replace, how much would you realistically get for it on the secondhand market?

I think I hit the wrong button - sell them

Sell them. They’re your rings and as the adult daughter of divorced parents I have no interest in my mums wedding and engagement rings (she pawned them years ago anyway).

@SilenceOfThePrams

Sell them. Use the money to pay your bills. But remember how much you got for them. Finances won’t always be this tight. When you are in a better place, with decent savings, remember that you owe yourself that amount of money, and put it towards something meaningful to you without guilt.

This is what I was going to suggest, too.

And don't tell him. Why would he need to know? It's none of his business what jewellery you wear or own any more. It never really was, but it's definitely nothing to do with him now. Don't give him and his possible reaction to this another thought. If you do, remind yourself that if he didn't want you to have to sell your jewellery, he shouldn't have screwed you over financially and not be paying you proper child maintenance and hopefully that will make it easier to ignore his views on any of this.

Sell them. They are your rings and it is none of his business what you do with them. I chucked an engagement ring into the sea as a grand gesture once and I still regret it, I should have sold it and had a party with the money.

I sold my engagement ring recently, like you it was a long and unhappy relationship. He was horrifically emotionally abusive and generally made my life hell. I didn’t want to save them for our daughter because to me as silly as it sounds they’ve got bad vibes attached to them now, I wanted to spend the money on something nice for us all but bills needed paying so that’s what it went on.

I’d sell them.

I totally understand why you would want to sell them. The only thing I'd like to make you aware of is when (if) you divorce, you might have to complete a list of marital assets that you have, and jewellery would be included on this.

I sold mine prior to the divorce and so didn't put them on the list of assets. Ex-h kicked up an almighty stink about it and it was upsetting and stressful trying to justify their sale.

Also you might find you get more for them selling them privately than through a jeweller. I rushed into selling as I was desperate and realise now I could have got more for them.

I really hope things go well for you - my ex-h was also a gambling addict and it's caused so much heartache.

Incidentally, if you've been left with any debt due to his addictions then I'd encourage you to get in touch with one of the debt management companies (Stepchange or CAP) as they can massively help you deal with it. I only mention this because due to the gambling both ex and I had huge amounts on credit cards, just to pay for daily living, and obviously when it all hit the fan I had to try and pay these from a reduced income. If you're in a similar situation these charities can get everything sorted for you and it reduces a massive amount of stress.

Credit union. You can save with them then borrow

I was told a few years back that I would always get the best price for gold jewellery from a decent jeweller that buys secondhand. Get a couple of quotes. There should be several in a major city. I don’t know what the stones would be worth and the gold price varies. Jeweller said the next best place would be the pawn shop and the worst was the companies that used to advertise on tv and you put the stuff in an envelope and sent it. If 18 carat you will get a fair bit more than 9 carat.

Silenceoftheprams suggestion is brilliant

But honestly, sell them, don’t tell the ex and don’t feel guilty.

My parents divorced when I was a teenager, I have absolutely no idea what happened to their wedding rings, it’s not my marriage so it’s none of my business.

I was a single mum to our young daughter when I left my ex (long time ago now), he too racked up debts due to gambling and paying for prostitutes (he was a real catch huh!), I could manage the day to day bills but nothing “nice” so I sold my engagement ring, wedding ring and a watch he had bought me, I go just for a fab week at centre parcs, I’ve never told him, my daughter knows and says she would have done the same. Do what you need to for the here and now :)

I sold mine when my ex husband left me with a mortgage/bills to pay and no money for our children. Felt no guilt or remorse. Needs must.

@Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme

Apologies - I meant he is currently out of work and pays what he can . I have had my hours dropped since lockdown lifting so it's been a bit difficult. It's a good point mabelface- could just not mention it at all to him at all. Did you ever regret it ?

Not for one second. 😁

Turn2us could be helpful for you.

Your business, sell them. But drive a hard bargain - second hand jewellery often goes for buttons.

I would also say that Christmas needs to go way down the list. Shift it to January when there are bargains to be had.

But drive a hard bargain - second hand jewellery often goes for buttons

That’s because very few people want it, especially marriage jewellery. Who wants the symbol of someone else’s failed relationship?

Just wanted to come on to say thank you again for the amazing responses - I have thought a lot about the suggestions. Because if the voices of experience in here , it made me feel like what I am feeling is valid , but they will pass , not to feel guilty , do what needs to be done and look ahead. I will also take the practical tips and look into some of the places suggested for help . Thank you everyone , it is so much appreciated xx

Sell them. I sold my engagement ring to pay some of DSs school fees. I often wondered why I kept it for so long. When things are better you can get another ring.

I would sell them and be grateful of the breathing space it gave me.
I wouldn't tell anyone that I had done it.
I cant see any reason anyone needs to know.
Have you looked into credit union.
You can save with them and I do believe they do loans.