I have been with my (now ex) on and off for 10 years and we have a child together.
The relationship has been very unstable me being jealous/paranoid and very anxious towards him(I have self esteem issues and trust issues anyway but he has always lied to me through out the relationship about being with ex gfs/seeing a girl he lived with behind my back and just in general fancying a lot of his female friends)
He has gaslighted me on several occasions calling me crazy etc which I’m starting to believe iam.
The arguments have been really awful at times and I’ve said a lot of really horrible stuff to him and he has back.
When our son was born we broke up because he was going on webcam chat sites and I had a huge problem with it as I saw it as a more personal thing than normal porn. He said he liked the webcam sites because it reminded him of cybering with his ex’s and the people were real etc.
A year later he after attempting to try find someone else on dating sites/sex sites, trying to pay prostitutes and massage parlours but getting scammed also trying to get with work colleagues/ex’s and old friends he comes back to me and I take him back.
He promises not to go on the sites and everything is fine untill I find out he’s lying again and is still going on them.
He blocks the sites but still ends up going on them bypassing the blocks and the arguments become really bad. If I tried to leave him he would self harm and threaten suicide. I eventually had had enough as we were arguing for a few days and whilst arguing he was on these sites looking for people as he was talking to me.
My mental health has always been quite bad with depression and anxiety and I couldn’t cope with it anymore.
When I said I didn’t want to be with him he messages me saying he has overdosed so I call him a ambulance etc and he is fine I try to be supportive and I get back together with him but I can’t cope with the anxiety from everything that has happened. Whenever he’s lied to me or whenever I’ve caught him out and in the past he has called me delusional and crazy etc.
I broke up with him and the next day he starts joining sex sites and a week later he messages me saying he loves/misses me etc and I tell him i don’t want to be with him and to leave me alone.
I’ve also just found out I’m pregnant (pill didn’t work) and decide not to go ahead with the pregnancy because of the unstable relationship and Financial issues/mental health.
He isn’t bothered and doesn’t even ask if I’m ok I was very upset after the pregnancy ended.
I felt very emotional and depressed afterwards and tried to get back with my ex (god knows why) but he told me he didn’t want to be with me and I’d made him beg to get back with him and rejected him (I didn’t make him beg) the next day he messages and says he wants to make it work.
I ask him in the time we have been broken up has he done anything with anyone etc he says no but admits to trying to socialise with women for friendships.
I find out on the day he messaged me saying he loved/missed me a week after we broke up for the last time he had also joined several dating apps/groups on Facebook etc and had tried to get with work colleagues/ex’s/old friends and random people on his suggested friends lists.
I know we were broken up and I ended it but he had messaged saying he loved me etc and also when he thought we were going to make up he told me I was the love of his life etc and he had only spoken to two women as friends and had tried to hide the other messages etc but I found the contacts he had recently spoken to etc on his messenger.
I went completely nuts and freaked out and messaged a few of the girls asking for details of what he had said etc and was pretty horrible about him. Was I unreasonable for doing that ? Am I just a crazy ex
My ex said my behaviour isn’t normal for messaging the girls and basically embarrassing him