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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who was over reacting?

14 replies

Summerzz123 · 23/05/2021 22:43

I just had a chat with DH before we were going to watch something. I mentioned that I had had a conversation at work re people watching YouTube all the time instead of tv. My husband would watch YouTube over tv.
We agreed he preferred it because he likes to skip through things.

I said I like to invest in something.

He cut me off and said “this doesn’t make you better than me”.
I said I never said that, and that I’d said lots of people watch YouTube. He claimed I was trying to be superior. I then replied “don’t make me out to be a bad person over this”.

This may have been an over reaction, but we had genuinely been talking about the way we take in entertainment etc.

So anyway, he then left the bedroom in a huff back to the living room. We often watch YouTube together- he doesn’t watch anything I like as he can’t get into it. So we try and find something we both would watch on YouTube- I would never watch any of this alone though, I do it to do something with him.

Who is over reacting here?

OP posts:

AlmostSummer21 · 23/05/2021 22:45

Does he always accuse you of criticising him when you are just casually talking about stuff?

He'd drive me nuts.

Thedogscollar · 23/05/2021 22:46

He is and it sounds like be has difficulty concentrating as you say he likes to skip through things.

Original poster

Summerzz123 · 23/05/2021 22:55

Yes he does. He just gets defensive about everything and it’s over small things- he thinks I have some agenda. It’s starting to drive me mad.
He has adhd, hence the skipping through things..

OP posts:

Thedogscollar · 23/05/2021 23:00

Can he not watch a film or a TV series without skipping through it?
My DH and DS both have ADHD but are capable of concentrating on TV for 1-2 hours.
He would drive me nuts OP. Maybe best to have your own TV room.

KaleSlayer · 23/05/2021 23:02

He got defensive when you were not attacking him, so I’d say he is the unreasonable one. Not worth falling out over as a one off but as you say he does it often, he should try to stop as it will cause bigger problems.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/05/2021 23:06

He probably is but maybe its because of your choice of words I.e invest in it. Whilst I know what you mean does he think that makes it sound like you have some deeper understanding of things whereas he is incapable of taking it all in so just watches the less boring (easier to understand) bits?

Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2021 23:07

What you each like to watch isn't the problem. The way you communicate and the way he reacts is the problem. You have to decide if you can live with it.

Librariesmakeshhhhappen · 23/05/2021 23:10

What do people watch on youtube? I think I've totally missed this. I thought youtube was just funny clips, songs, style blogs, that sort of thing. Is there like, actual coherent content that would constitute "watching sometbing"?

Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2021 23:13

There's movies, documentaries, full shows from all over the world, etc, etc. There is an endless list of things to watch.

ThinWomansBrain · 23/05/2021 23:19

sounds as if you're both overreacting TBH - so you both enjoy watching different things - hardly a big deal.
that said, I'd have issues living with someone that read the sun or the daily mail, or didn't like radios 4

Hont1986 · 23/05/2021 23:29

"I like to invest in something" does sound a bit like you were implying that TV is higher value and 'better'. It's hard to say without knowing your tone of voice.

Rosewood017 · 24/05/2021 00:01

I have enough trouble choosing something on Netflix. YouTube is an absolute maze!

Sounds like he was being over sensitive to me.

My DH drives me nuts as I'm partial to towie or Love Island, but that's it really for reality tv. Even if he catches me watching a documentary on climate change he'll say 'what trash you watching now?'. If I explain he just sniggers or eye rolls. I don't think he realises how it comes across, he is probably just mindlessly checking in.

Original poster

Summerzz123 · 24/05/2021 07:13

Thanks for the replies.

I don’t really care that we prefer watching different things. We still usually manage to find things to watch together and usually do our own thing for first hour after children are in bed.

It’s more the constant explanation that me not agreeing or liking the same thing, isn’t a comment on him! Just turns into him accusing me of something and getting defensive, then I get defensive too.

The communication really is the issue- he has quite a black/white view on things and I could probably sit on the fence for most things- I’m very laid back. Yet he sees the not agreeing as a slight against him..

Also, I watch reality tv too- so definitely not
Implying there’s a superiority to tv! 😂

OP posts:

honeylulu · 24/05/2021 07:23

A lot of people with ADHD are hyper-sensitive to criticism. I am not sure if that is a symptom of the disorder or if it is a by-product (as sufferers are aware of their "difference"). I am being assessed for it myself at the moment!

I certainly don't think what you said was unreasonable; you were expressing your own entertainment preference. He probably saw it though as you saying "I can concentrate and you can't, ner ner!"

But it sounds like you pander to him a bit. My kids would love me to sit and watch their preferences on you tube with them but a couple of minutes is enough. I'd rather go and watch my own stuff and I am polite but clear about that.

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