To ask for some help with autism

[ZAUK]

I posted something similar in the special needs chat under a different username but had very few responses. Was inspired to post this following the autism thread earlier today.
My 2YO child is currently going through an autism assessment. I'm trying really hard to accept who he is, quirks and all, and want him to always feel supported, to be himself and to achieve whatever he is able to.
What are the best qualities of you or your autistic child?
What has helped you/ them the most in the world so far?
If there must be an AIBU- am I BU to think I can view autism in this way?

I have two children on the spectrum, they have some challenges but then so do many of their friends who aren't autistic.

I appreciate your son might have greater difficulties than my two if he is being diagnosed quite young, and everyone with autism is different.

My eldest is very brainy, very creative, honest and loyal. He writes great stories and I love reading with him.

My youngest is very loving and cuddly and loves doing arts and crafts. He loves learning about nature, space etc.

They are harder to look after than typical kids of their age and they are less mature in some areas, so for example I can't always leave them at parties or sports clubs. There aren't many people I would trust to look after them.

I love spending time with them individually. Together they can be a bit if a nightmare but I'm sure many siblings are the same.

It's hard coming to terms with a diagnosis and its natural to have fears for the future, talking to other parents helps, also meeting autistic adults is very reassuring. I'm so grateful to the adults who gave shared with me their diagnoses, all of whom are lovely people with jobs, families etc. I appreciate not all autistic people can thrive independently in the NT world, but many can.

My Asperger child is completely incapable of lying. I love that about him because it means I trust him implicitly (my other child, aged 4, is basically a compulsive liar).

He has many other great qualities, he asks amazing questions, things like ‘if we found treasure in our garden who would it belong to?’ Or ‘did anyone ask the Egyptian mummies before they died whether they wanted to be in a museum?’.

He is incredibly loyal, and great at looking after other people (as long as he’s not having a meltdown), and he is very very loving (almost to the point of suffocating me).

He is very good at engaging adults in conversation. I am super proud of him because he is awesome.

Both of my children are autistic.

My 6 YO is the most hilarious person and is amazing at arty stuff.

My 4YO has an empathy level that is incredible.

Best thing to help them? Being that parent. Standing up for what they need from a system that is stacked against them. Being their voice and advocating for their needs.

Asking questions, communicating with those involved to make sure I and they know how best to support them.

It isn't sunshine and pickles. Life can ve really tough and that's OK. This week we went to few special schools for my oldest and it hit me like her diagnosis did all over again. Sometimes it feels a bit like grieving which sounds awful. There are things which will never really happen for us. Dd especially may never be independent. Life needs meticulous planning. We can't do simple things like a trip to a playback without 1-1.

But it is also amazing. They teach me how illogical the world is. They teach me that it is ok to do things differently. My 6Yo is one who says exactly what pops in her head and I love her brutal honesty.

For me as mum I try and avoid thinking too far ahead as it gets scary and overwhelming fast. I think about here, now and immediate future. I relish the small achievements.

I love being their mum even if it can be really difficult.

Best qualities of my DS -
Very loving and kind.
Has such a different outlook on life that I learn a lot from him.
Musically talented.
Taught himself to read at 3.
His mind isn't cluttered by social constraints.

What's helped him most so far (he's 9) -
Having family and teachers who truly understand him.
Ear defenders, my DS is very sensitive to sound.
Encouraging his interests but trying to find a balance where they don't become obsessions.

What's helped us -
We've had very little help tbh but we've learn and adapted as we've gone along.
S&L is so few and far between that it's not been a big help and the same for OT.
Being flexible and accepting that things are going to be different than we'd imagined.
Being patient.

I know how difficult it is to accept and every child with ASD is different, I'm sure your doing a fantastic job.

You know your child better than anyone, don't be scared to disagree with the professionals.

There will be bumps in the road but its going to be fine

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Thank you all who have posted so far. Your comments are so positive. Everything was developing quite normally for us until 20 months when my boy stopped talking completely. Stopped making eye contact and communicating. I feel like autism just took over his brain and body. I'm trying hard not to feel this way and know it has probably always been there and is a part of who he is. He also never waved or clapped or copied our actions. He is so much fun though- views the world in such a logical way, inquisitive, loves cuddles and kisses and I'm certain he will be some kind of athlete or climber when he is older as his physical and motor skills are off the chart.

Many eldest son has issues with eye contact, he says he gets a pain in the stomach if he looks someone in the eye. I wished I had known that when he was younger, as before I knew he was autistic I used to encourage him to look people in the eye. I found it helpful to realise that it wasn't that my son didn't want to communicate with me, he just found some ways of communicating too intense and overwhelming.

The early days ate the hardest. My son is an adult, in his twenties. He’s severely autistic with severe learning disabilities. He is non verbal. We adore him. He loves to cook, well prepare the food, he loves to shred paper in the shredder, he loves being outside, he loves the beach and can spend hours just watching the waves roll in. Those things make him so happy and I love to see a genuine smile on his face . He doesn’t like to be touched so no kisses or cuddles but I’m sure he loves us x

We knew very early something was going on with him, probably around 14 months. He got his diagnosis at 3 years old but even though I knew beyond doubt he had autism It still broke my heart. It still does some days.

UANBU.

There was a good webinar on tonight, I'm in Ireland but I can see if I can post the link to it as I think it's recorded and you can watch it again. And it included what you said, about seeing the positives e.g. passionate about interests, consistent etc

They are all so different. Mine was diagnosed at 4. Didn't speak until 3, didn't walk until 2.5. Didn't answer to his own name, didn't point. I shed alot of tears.

But he's come on really well. He goes to a mainstream school and achieves age related expectations. He has friends - I never would have thought he would have done as well as he has.

He's sweet and loving. He believes anything anyone tells him (which can be a bit of a worry), he's really hilarious and everyone that meets him loves him. I actually feel a bit guilty sometimes, as he is such a delight and I know other mums of autistic kids have such struggles, I almost feel like I shouldn't really enter into conversations like this? He's only 11, so I'm aware things may get trickier!