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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child maintenance wwyd?

22 replies

Dogscanteatonions · 23/05/2021 21:07

I've recently found out my child's father has a much better paid job than I've been led to believe. I can't find out the exact salary (I've tried) but I think he's paying maintenance based on approx at least half of what he actually earns.

However on raising this to him he's (very carefully) threatened to tell relevant authorities that I'm claiming benefits fraudulently. I'm working but claim universal credit as it's a low income (covid has made work difficult)

I absolutely am not claiming fraudulently and declare everything however I have heard of what a nightmare it can be if you're investigated and how all your benefits stop while an investigation happens and I'm so scared of a) the embarrassment and b) I'd be really stuck if they put my benefits on hold.

I know an investigation would show nothing untoward and I know it's essentially blackmail but I don't know what to do!! He shouldn't get away with this but I also know how difficult he can make my life - he'd probably find other ways too.

Wwyd??

OP posts:
bonfireheart · 23/05/2021 21:11

If he's working for a legitimate organisation then CMS can contact HMRC for his salary details.

Original poster
Dogscanteatonions · 23/05/2021 21:12

@bonfireheart

If he's working for a legitimate organisation then CMS can contact HMRC for his salary details.
Yes but he's threatening if I go to the CMS he will cause havoc for me
OP posts:
Original poster
Dogscanteatonions · 23/05/2021 21:13

He's saying if I go through CMS he'll make things really hard for me so I take what he offers or 'see what happens' if I go through CMS

OP posts:
wildseas · 23/05/2021 21:15

I would firstly check that all was ok with my benefits. Then if so I would quickly contact CMS making sure I had something in writing.

If he then contacted the benefits I would tell them it was a malicious report and show them the CMS claim.

You've said that you're struggling with money because of covid etc but thats not completely true - its also because your kids dad is stealing from you

Happycat1212 · 23/05/2021 21:15

It’s up to you to decide whether it’s worth it or not

wildseas · 23/05/2021 21:16

Has he written that down anywhere? Texts or emails or anything? Show it to CMS when you claim!

PicaK · 23/05/2021 21:19

That's awful of him. For mumsnetters unaware the UC people will stop payments the minute they start investigating. They might backdate it later but for those without a rainy day fund or credit cards or overdrafts it's horrendous.
Did he put it in writing?
What a horrid man.
I'd contact UC and see if they have any advice.

Cabinfever10 · 23/05/2021 21:19

Having been maliciously reported for benefits fraud twice I can honestly tell you that they didn't suspend my benefits either time infact I didn't even find out until after the 1st had been investigated and 2nd time they asked if anyone had a grudge against me.
If you're ex made his threat by text or email you can report him to the police if you think its worth the hassle but definitely talk to the cms

Original poster
Dogscanteatonions · 23/05/2021 21:19

@wildseas

Has he written that down anywhere? Texts or emails or anything? Show it to CMS when you claim!
He's very very careful not to put anything in writing. He's devious and is very good at getting people to believe him - expert gaslighter.

Half the time I think I should just bloody leave it for the sake of my own sanity and half the time I think he should not get away with this

OP posts:
bonfireheart · 23/05/2021 21:19

He's full of sh*t. Believe me there's nothing that he can can do that they won't have seen before. My ex tried every trick in the book.

Who is he going to report you to? A government agency? Everything is online, they can run checks on your salary and benefits. He has no other evidence. Yeah he might be able to string it out a few months but
A) he can't report his fake claims to CMS cos your benefits are nothing to do with them so get them to check his salary via HMRC, so whilst he is wasting time they're doing their work in finding out his real salary and he will have to pay
B) when he's wasted everyone's time, and they find you are not doing anything wrong, he will still have to pay maintenance

MadeForThis · 23/05/2021 21:22

Report him to cms.

Grumblesigh · 23/05/2021 21:23

That would be blackmail, and it is illegal. Please tell us that he's made that threat in writing! If not, try prompting him to do so.

Yes, shop him to the CMS. Even if he did carry out his threat, and your benefits were stopped while an investigation was carried out (and you will hopefully have evidence of his threats), then resumed... you would still be very much better off financially with him paying on 2x his salary over the long run. No?

Rainbowqueeen · 23/05/2021 21:23

Women’s aid might be able to help you
I’d also check with the benefits people. Put everything In writing. So even if you initially speak on the phone send in a letter or email saying that you were concerned about overpayment, that you spoke to X on X date who ran through your payments and told you X. Keep a copy
Then go to cms and ask for his payment to be reviewed.
What a nasty man, threatening you and refusing to pay the bare minimum for his child.
Can you also get him to admit it in writing? Even a text from you to him saying so just to clarify you are saying that if I pursue the correct minimum payment for our child, you will raise a query about whether I am entitled to the benefits I currently receive and ask that these be investigated, is that right? Keep all correspondence.

bonfireheart · 23/05/2021 21:27

Tbh I wouldn't converse with him at all. Do everything via official channels and the relevant organisations

Starlightstarbright1 · 23/05/2021 21:31

I would go straight to the cms and stop engaging with him.

I would not ne held to random by him.when he is the one in thr wrong

pipsqueakbollock · 23/05/2021 21:43

I would be mindful that CMS are all at home being lazy FUCKERS right now and none of them have done any work for a year (they hardly do any when there isn't a pandemic)

So 100% go to CMS Because if he is employed, you eventually will get the proper amount of money. My BUT is that you won't get it straight away and if Ex is as nasty as you describe, he will play every game available to delay his payment (you will get arrears back to the day you call it in but CMS don't bother collecting arrears Angry

So try to have either a small nest egg to see you through or rely on friends / parents and warn them there may be a tight financial period ahead.

As for you ex, don't engage with him. At all. Just make the call to CMS. You owe him nothing whereas he owes you lots

Lachimolala · 23/05/2021 22:01

It doesn’t matter how good he is at gaslighting and manipulating you (which I don’t doubt he does) there’s no way he can do that to the benefits service. They’ll need irrefutable evidence not hearsay from the idiot ex.

For what it’s worth I’ve been investigated 3 times by UC and 5 when I was on TC. None of these times have resulted in my entitlement being stopped and I didn’t even know about majority of them until afterwards.

The best thing to do is to spend tomorrow going through everything and making sure your claim is all correct and up to date, then call the CMS options like and ask to open a direct pay case. It costs £20 or is free if you’ve suffered any kind of abuse emotional, physical etc.

Lachimolala · 23/05/2021 22:05

As for CMS being quite slow, for me I’ve recently raised a mandatory reconsideration that went in my favour which took 6 weeks. And opened a case of my youngests father (who was making similar threats as your ex) and that took 3 weeks to set up and another 3 for payments to be made.

wickedwitchofthedance · 23/05/2021 22:07

If you on uc ask your advisor to ring you and speak to them first and ask any questions you have. I would then report your ex to CMS.

ActuallyIveGotDental · 23/05/2021 22:17

Do you have his threats in writing?

FraudInvestigator · 24/05/2021 06:55

Complete bollocks .!

Name changed for obvious reasons but been here years.

I have been a Fraud Investigator for 32 years. The post above is completely incorrect.

Any allegation of Fraud is put in the pile (it's one hell of a pile).... then the initial sift team will (eventually) carry out some basic checks to see if any part of the allegation looks possible. From there it is assigned to an investigator. Who will do a number of background checks. Credit refs/bank/land registry etc.. depending on the nature of the suspected fraud.
Whilst all of this is going on-absolutely nothing will be done to your benefit.
Only when irrefutable evidence is uncovered will benefit be stopped.

It is very strictly governed. Stopping money has to be done lawfully. There is a balance that must be struck. If we were to find a fraud that would be dealt with via court then we could (and are) criticised by the judge for allowing the over payment to increase when we realised the claim was fraudulent.
We do not stop universal credit on an (usually) anonymous allegation as the vast majority are of these types of informants are malicious.

Call his bluff OP. You have nothing to fear. However I would definitely drop a message into your journal to give your work coach the heads up.

IamMaz · 24/05/2021 07:10

I used to work for DWP. Benefits are NOT suspended pending an investigation.

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