To not do extra curricular activities for a 5 year old?

[Mollylikestodance]

We have two dcs - one age 5 in Reception, and a little one still in nursery. For our 5 year old we don't do any extra curricular activities. AIBU?

It seems that most of her class do tennis/football/drama/a faith school/music/something once or twice a week.... and we just... don't!

We both work - my DH full time and me 4 days. So she's in after school club at her school 4 days which makes week nights impossible.
On the day she's not, I wouldn't want to tie ourselves down to a planned activity as we go to the park with friends/have play dates etc.

At the weekends, we are very very active - we love family days out to farms, zoos, museums, attractions etc. and will do that at least one of the days. The other weekend day we will see friends, family, go to the park, go out to eat. In the holidays we go away a lot. I feel like at the moment the kids are so young they benefit more from this than being tied to a schedule of classes?

What's normal? We are starting to feel bad that she's one of the minority of children not doing all of these extra classes and courses - but surely there's so much time for that in a couple of years..?

AIBU?

DS has just turned 5. He does swimming and football, both on a Sunday which at least leaves us Saturdays free for other stuff.

I've put his name on the waiting list for Beavers but he wouldn't start that for another year.

Mine have always done after school activites TBH DS (DC1) wasn't a long sleeper (8-8:30 bedtime in reception) so winter evenings were looooong. In reception it was swimming and gymnastics (I think) later joined by: football, riding, judo, drama and chess club. Because Dd is DC2 she did a lot of tagging along but also did ballet, and maypole dancing . To be fair most of these happened in the 4-6 slot, I wouldn't have been keen dragging them out later in infants. Although I agree with others you have to keep up with the swimming, much easier to learn at 5 than 8.I would have taken whatever slot was offered for that even if it was 8am or 6:30pm.

I think extracurricular activities can be really beneficial and think starting them from a young age gets children more use to the structure of routines, school and improves self confidence and social skills with their peers.

I think having something enjoyable independent from family and school makes it more theirs. They can learn to work together as a team, gain confidence and improve by practising. They learn that hard work pays off when doing something they love. Sometimes it can inspire their creativity working in small groups, that share a common interest, under an experienced tutor. Children gain confidence in speaking up in small groups. This then extends into school, in larger social groups.

At my daughter's dance school I witnessed a mother dragging her screaming daughter to several sessions. The child clearly had no interest or was too young. The teacher had to suggest they left it a while before trying again. At the same time there were other children that wouldn't change out of their kit when they got home. Not all children want to do extracurricular activities and that should be understood too.

we have suggested she joins this friend/that friend at such and such club, but she really shows no desire at all

It's fine. But I wouldn't ask her if she wants to join at that age. She probably doesn't know enough about any activity to know whether she would enjoy it or what to expect, and may well feel scared by the idea of trying something new with lots of strangers, even if a friend does it.

When you think she's ready to try some activities, I would just be enthusiastic about it, maybe ask her friends what it's like and why they like it, then take her along for a session. Let her try it and then decide if she wants to continue.

My 5 year old does gymnastics and swimming.

My 7 and 9 year olds do gymnastics, swimming and one other thing each.

We have a lot more unstructured time at the weekends though (a zoo or farm trip would be very much the exception not the rule) and we are home from the school run before 4pm every night so plenty of time to chill.

I am not able to teach them to swim as there are 4 of them and swimming as a family is basically crowd control.

I am well able to occupy my own kids (as per PP) but have a lot more hours to fill than some parents do. Pretty sure the "dance classes" for 1 year olds will involve shaking along to the beat and singing 5 Little Ducks... WITH the parent!

OP, you may also find that your toddler starts after school clubs earlier than your eldest as they often want to emulate a big sibling! Don't enter this particular rat race until you need to I say!

At that age dd did Stagecoach, Gymbobs & ballet.

Ds did nothing.

They were very different children, who coped with a full day at school differently and enjoyed different things.

They will already be doing more than many children by having afterschool club every day - that will probably be tiring enough and I can imagine they would want down time at home after and you'd want time with them.

I think its fine to say leave the clubs until they are older. Are there clubs they can do at school when they are older (like football club once a week) so in effect replacing the afterschool club timewise? One of mine did a lot of school sport this way.

Your weekends sound really busy! They aren't missing out - as long as they have time for unstructured play too.

My dc have always done swimming. football, beavers/Cubs/scouts.

Just do whatever suits your family. Would your dc like to do any clubs?

Not sure why the comment about parents not knowing how to occupy their own dc. Extra curricular activities have all sorts of benefits. Making friends, building confidence, opportunities to find different hobbies.

Neither of mine did anything except a weekend morning swim at that age. We started with clubs when they were about 7 and were less shattered after school.

What does the after school club involve? In my DCs school there's a variety of different sports they can do, art, French etc.

Mine (5 & 6) go to gymnastics, swimming and 1 of the schools after school activities.

Neither of my primary school kids do extra activities.

We both work full time so they are in after school care until 6pm. Then they are exhausted after a long day. At the weekends, we all want a break and to relax and unwind.

You see loads of people on here moaning about spending their entire weekend ferrying the kids around to various activities.

Mine do a fair bit - but that's because they really do cope better with that scheduled element to their lives. At that age I think they did dancing, gymnastics, Rainbows and swimming - it's changed over the years but now they do Cubs, kickboxing and swimming lessons. The one thing I'd says is that if scouting/guiding interests - the waiting list situation around here is very much a case of getting them in early or a long long wait to get in further up the age ranges.

Do what works for your family. My two were in an extra club on the weekends and one on a Friday at around age 3 each. They are now 7 and 4.

What do the after school club in school offer. DD1 didn’t start any structured l clubs till she was 5.5 due to our work commitments but she did gymnastics and choir in school.
Now she does rhythmic gymnastics twice a week (6-7pm), swimming and an instrument during school time. None of the clubs infringe on our family time in the weekend.
Dd2 is 2 and she does nothing because all toddler classes are during the day when we’re at work and I refuse to commit to any club in the weekend

My daughter will have swimming lessons when she turns 5, and I have her name down for Brownies. That's all we will be doing for now. At that age, just being at school is a lot of learning and can be so tiring. They need down time to just be, to spend time with family and play, watch TV and relax.

6 nearly 7yo DD does Swimming and Rainbows that's it. I'm not all that bothered by Rainbows but she loves it so she still goes.

She used to do more when she was at Nursery but it was too much with school as well, and she did Gymnastics 1 night until she was old enough for rainbows but it was the same night and she chose rainbows. She won't do anymore activities yet as swimming is on weekends and she already splits her weekends with me and ExH (EOW with her dad) so I feel like I hardly see her in term time.

A faith school isn’t an extracurricular activity

My 2 y/o DS does swimming and a toddler music class on my day off with him from nursery on a Friday. I like having a class to take him too as he likes music and is very active, and I think swimming is an essential life skill that is easier the earlier you start.

You’re not being unreasonable not to do anything like that at this age with her as you do a lot with her on the weekends (as do we), but I would start swimming lessons with her soon if you can afford it.

Maybe ask her if she’d like to do Brownies or ballet, etc?

We have a 3 and 5 Yr old. The 3 year old doesn't do anything, he gets more then enough simulation at nursery and is tired at the end of the day. The 5yr old has swimming lesson once a week, that's it. When he goes into year 1 in September he will be able to go to a club run by the school. I really don't see the need for them to have loads of activities at this age. They get plenty of exercise playing outside. The eldest also has expressed no interest in doing anything yet. If he asks to start football/rugby etc when he's older we'll take him then.

Oldest DS started football age 5 and was noticeably behind his teammates for a while especially in terms of confidence... Along the way he has done cricket training but always stuck to football.
He swam from age 3 and we allowed him to stop lessons age 8/9 when he was quite a strong swimmer.
Never failed to amaze me how many of his classmates could mot swim at all by school lessons age 7.

Youngest is only just 2. He doesn't do anything yet but we do a lot with him such as swimming, forest school etc. Once he turns 3 he might start footy tots but generally whatever he fancies doing.

We tried swimming lessons and it was so expensive and such a huge commitment having 2 DC (mostly trying to keep the other one entertained for an hour or so in a small changing room every week) that we stopped, I'm thinking of putting them in intensive courses at the summer. Instead they have repeatedly done tennis (subsidised), cricket (also subsidised!), and now football. Didn't start any of that until summer term of Year R though. Youngest isn't as keen on any of it other than football, oldest has always been fairly hyperactive so the more activity the better.

DS only did swimming at that age, he is nearly 8 now and does Cubs and horse riding at his request. I didn't put him in any clubs at age 5 as he wasn't interested, I let him choose what he wanted to do when he got older. Swimming always non negotiable though.

katy she’s only 5 ... not sure ‘playing out’ is safe!

I don’t know OP. I do take your point about after school clubs but I think it’s nice when they’ve got something for them.

Don't shackle yourselves until they suggest it or show an interest. This time is precious.
Once they start an activity it only grows and life gets more and more hectic. She will let you know when she is ready.

You sound like you provide a wonderful variety of things and social opportunities. Your daughter is not deprived.

Stick with your gut.

Also as they get older and post covid school do activities after school too and the after school club pick them up from there which helps a lot.

I sometimes feel guilt tripped as one ONLY does gym and football and the other ONLY football. They are older though. But then i see kids doing five diff things and five nights a week and think when do they recharge and chill and hangout ready to thrive at school and perform.

When my DD started school the HT gave a talk for new parents and advised against doing clubs and hobbies for the first term of reception because just being at school was a big change and the children would be v tired. My DC have tried various activities but we have only ever done up to 2 or 3 a week out of expense more than anything, but its also nice for them to have afternoons to have a friend to play as well. (In normal times) Now they are teen/tween they each really only have 1 sport that they are really into. However my DD does 2 types of dance and as they progress further the exams and lessons get more expensive.

Some friends I know have 2 or 3 extra curricular activities a day outside of school for their DC which I think is a bit much and the kids never have any play dates, or time to hang out with friends because their schedule is so full.

Depends on the child. If they're not bothered don't push however I do think it's important for kids to have opportunities to try things so that they find hobbies and groups of friends outside school.

5 year old here does swimming lessons and will start beavers in January 2022.

7 year old does swimming, beavers, has also asked about learning an instrument so is on a waiting list and has half heartedly talked about football after-school (on the school grounds) I've left that one as he doesn't actually seem that bothered!

Swimming was non negotiable, they've both been learning to swim since age 3-4 and will continue until they're a good confident standard (I'm not fussed about galas etc it's as a life skill and could possibly save their lives as we live on the coast).