Sorry this is long...
Back story is that we made friends in college (now early 30s) and have mainly stayed in touch over the years but while I grew up she didn't. She's always been a bit of a taker, because of the situation (I've been driving and living independently since early 20s, while she hasn't and her parents are quite well off) so for example she would always come round to mine, eat my food, leave a mess and expect a lift home, never reciprocating and not understanding that things cost money, e.g. using almost a whole (last) roll of toilet paper while I was at uni to put on the seat because she doesn't sit down directly on other people's toilets(the toilet was clean) Wearing the leather strapped watch I lent her into the ocean because she decided last minute that she didn't want to take her designer watch on holiday (to be fair she did pay for the watch after me pointing out she has ruined it)
Friend used to have a serious drinking problem and gave up a few years ago which was great because she was terrible while drunk.
We didn't speak for about a year and a half because I had depression and decided I wasn't going to make an effort to contact people who weren't contacting me (so not seeing each other showed I was the one making the effort. This was after they stopped drinking)
I got back in touch last year, we had some heart to hearts and she started making more effort to contact me. Then she moved 2 hours away without telling me (so now living out of her parents house for 1st time) she thinks I should go and see her but it's a lot of time/money to get there when I work full time in a low paid job and have a husband to spend time with.
I am dealing with a lot at the moment. My father died suddenly 2 months ago. I have various health issues going on. Feeling pretty down and depressed but trying hard not to fall as far as I did before.
About a month ago, friend told me she has started drinking again. She can't wait to have a drink with us. I don't drink and my husband has cut right down since my dad died. I don't want to be around this friend if they are drinking. They told me that they had been out the night before so felt rubbish all day at their brand new job...
I can't really be bothered with a lot of people at the moment, let alone someone who is quite hard work.
They then told me out of the blue that they are now trans male... this is quite hard to wrap my head around as its completely out of the blue as they were more feminine than me and a lot of the things we do together are girly. Anyway, now it feels like if I want to cool the friendship due to their drinking and just to focus on myself, it will seem like I'm anti trans.