DH takes long naps but complains when I take the odd one....

[Livingthedreamnot]

AIBU to maybe give my husband the truth!
I don't want to cause a row though.
The last few years he's put on about 3/4 stone he's 6ft and won't weigh himself. Now 6 weeks ago he went on a diet and although he has cheat days he's determined to stick at it for 4 more months. He's lost about a stone so far. He was overweight before.
Now he gave up alcohol a few years ago after he used it to self medicate depression. He calls himself an alcoholic so there's no denial there. He smokes although he sometimes uses a vape.
Anyway before the diet he used to have to have naps of at least two hours on a Saturday and Sunday. I think he's poor diet and lack of exercise meant he would always wake up early and would struggle to stay awake past 11 am. Anyway I would moan about it as I felt it encroached into our family time. We have 2 DC 8 and 12.
Well I very rarely nap. Even when I was commuting to London at one point and breastfeeding in the evenings I never napped at the weekend.
Well today I got up at 5 o'clock to put in some study. I didn't sleep too well last night because I was worried about an end of term assignment and how to juggle it with my work as I also work full time.So just now I said to my husband I'm going to go up and have an hours nap. As I'll probably making the dinner later and having to do a small shop beforehand.
Well my husband just sat there on the sofa and said 'well now you know what it feels like needing a nap during the day and you won't have a go at me when I have mine' and then started going off on one about how I moan at him all the time. Thing is I don't moan at him for his naps I think if he was healthier and exercised and ate a bit better and I wouldn't begrudge them. But having a go at me for wanting a nap is ridiculous and I'm feeling really angry I really want to be honest with him and say for goodness sake if you weren't so unhealthy I wouldn't have a go at you but I'm trying to keep my mouth shut I don't want to cause around on Sunday and I don't wanna row in front of the children this is all precious family time family time. Also he is doing something about his weight I think I'm just venting here

YANBU, have a nap if you want to. It’s not ‘rowing’ to stand up for yourself.

And let him do what he wants with his health, you can’t change people and it will just stress you out.

Does he do his share of housework/childcare?

You can both have a nap whenever you want to, I don’t get this thing about “family” time, you live together so all the time is family time

You sound more unreasonable than him

You don't like him very much, do you?

It doesn't sound like he's moaning at you for napping. Sounds more like he's pointing out that it's OK for you to take one but not him. I don't see the big deal in either of you having a quick nap if you want, I can't sleep during the day but if I did and my DH complained I'd tell him he was being controlling.

Also not sure how the early starts and early nights are linked to healthy eating.

So pointed out that you're always on at him for napping?

He's right though.

This doesn’t sound like a healthy dynamic between you. If my DH needed naps, I would begrudge them as long as he pulled his weight whilst he is awake. He would say the same for me.

Not every weekend needs to be full on family time either. Your children are old enough to entertain themselves.

*I wouldn’t begrudge