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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to bed with ds?

20 replies

Aquamarinediamond · 23/05/2021 08:37

This isn’t a massive deal but I am wondering about this.

Ds is 4 months, and when I’ve got him to sleep of an evening (usually between 8 and 9) I go to bed with him. Sometimes I’ll read but mostly will go to sleep!

DH has made some comments lately that he misses us watching telly and so on. I do get that, but a) I’m tired and b) don’t feel ds should be left on his own yet.

Am I the only one who does this?

OP posts:
KFleming · 23/05/2021 08:43

At that age, DD would doze on us downstairs/cluster feed all evening, then we’d all go up to bed together.
But if I’d been able to put her down to sleep upstairs then I’d have gone to bed as well probably.

pilates · 23/05/2021 08:45

I would do the same, grab as much sleep as you can. It’s not forever.

FortunesFave · 23/05/2021 08:47

Well he's old enough to be left alone really...with a baby monitor and regular checks. Don't you want to spend a bit of time with your DH?

Original poster
Aquamarinediamond · 23/05/2021 08:50

It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with him, it’s more that I am tired and also don’t feel particularly comfortable leaving ds to sleep alone.

OP posts:
AFS1 · 23/05/2021 08:54

Your baby will be entirely fine left sleeping on his own at 4 months old. But if you’re tired and want to go to bed at that time, that’s entirely your choice and understandable with a newborn.

Friendofdennis · 23/05/2021 08:55

That’s perfectly fine. There can be such a strong pull to stay close to them and also you need your rest so it’s a normal way of doing things when they are little. That’s my experience anyway

AuntLucy · 23/05/2021 08:58

My DD is 5 months and most nights she and I go to bed together at 8.30. She's still waking several times a night for comfort and feeds so if I can get one cycle of REM sleep in before midnight it really helps.

SquigglePigs · 23/05/2021 08:59

We did similar OP. The advice is babies shouldn't sleep alone for the first six months so we didn't want to put her down and leave her. She'd often be cluster feeding in which case I'd stay downstairs but if not the one or both of us went to bed too - we needed the sleep anyway!

orangejuicer · 23/05/2021 08:59

@AFS1

Your baby will be entirely fine left sleeping on his own at 4 months old. But if you’re tired and want to go to bed at that time, that’s entirely your choice and understandable with a newborn.
Guidance is still 6 months.

OP as pp have said things do improve over time, you will get to a point where you can have adult time again and it's amazing. Just keep going.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 23/05/2021 09:03

We had ds in a carry cot in the livingroom with us at 4 months. We'd stay downstairs watching TV until half 10ish, then dh would carry the cot upstairs for us all to go to bed.

But if its easier to settle in your room and you just want to go to bed, there is no reason dh can't come with you and you both snuggle in bed and chat/read/watch TV there?

Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 09:05

I would say this is fine op but communicate with your husband so resentment doesn't build up. There'll be posters on after me picking at that comment but it's easy with small children for resentment to build up. I had 3 under 2 so I completely understand that you're tired.
Congrats on your baby.

Original poster
Aquamarinediamond · 23/05/2021 09:07

I don’t feel resentful, I’m not sure that he does. I just think he doesn’t realise I don’t get a full nights sleep as ds does wakes up so maybe he doesn’t understand I do get tired.

OP posts:
MustBeTheWine · 23/05/2021 09:08

I did this too OP. Would just go to bed at the same time so I could grab some much needed sleep.

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/05/2021 09:08

Op I think it is completely fine. You’re tired, and you just need to tell your DH this. It’s up to him how he manages his disappointment/acceptance of this fact

ThinWomansBrain · 23/05/2021 09:13

On the nights when DH puts DS to bed, does he stay with him, or does DS sleep without that?
Regardless, sleep when you need to and are able to.

Florin · 23/05/2021 09:14

Could you all go to bed and watch tv in bed? Our son is nearly 9 and we often go to bed at the same time as him (son in his own room) and my husband and I snuggle up and watch tv in bed.

PastaLaVistaBBY · 23/05/2021 09:15

No, we were the same. Babies should have someone in the room with them for all sleeps until they’re six months anyway! You’ll get your evenings back soon, so just remind him it’s not long to wait.

Original poster
Aquamarinediamond · 23/05/2021 09:16

I always put him to bed. I suppose we could watch tv in bed but I am worried it would wake ds.

OP posts:
cookiecreampie · 23/05/2021 09:37

This is only short term, once they're a few months older and having fewer day time naps, you'll probably find that the bedtime can be brought forward to around 7pm, which will give you a bit of time with your DH. When my youngest was settled for the night we would watch TV downstairs, but we lived in a small maisonette so he wasn't far away. Now if he was that age I'd probably just watch TV in bed or check on him more frequently.

tentosix · 23/05/2021 09:55

It's very early days with a first newborn. Just explain how tired you are and how broken your nights are. It's not a good idea to keep him downstairs while you both watch TV, as it's good to get him used to being in a bedroom environment early on and keeping to that routine You'll find out soon enough how important it is to have a routine

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