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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting to move my family to my country and get divorce there

21 replies

Leadelariv · 22/05/2021 21:05

Seeking advice here.

Husband and I met in the UK, moved to Scandinavia 6 years ago, had one child. I have never really liked here and complained a fair bit about it. My husband now takes his revenge and treats me like shit for it. No patience, insults every second day -and tonight he threw a pillow at me with anger for the first time. I’m not a saint but I do get punished very badly whenever I dare to say something he doesn’t like. I walk on eggs. Not to mention that it is an affectionless and sexless relationship since our child was born. (4 years)
I want to go back to my homeland (France) and either get divorced there, either have enough space so I don’t see husband too much. I’m scared that the separation would happen here in Scandinavia and I’d be stuck forever in his cold ass country.

Aibu?

If anyone can advice anything please do. Thanks.

OP posts:
NCtilidie · 22/05/2021 21:12

That sounds so hard. Have you spoken to any lawyers where you are to confirm your position with this?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 22/05/2021 21:13

You need a proper lawyer and do not listen to advice of random people on internet because this can turn very serious.
You cannot just move with a child without sorting it out.
Speak to a lawyer, keep safe and on a good side of the law.

Original poster
Leadelariv · 22/05/2021 21:17

I am sure that children born in Scandinavia are «children of Scandinavia». If this was going to court I swear husband would make sure we’d stay in his country. He knows how to turn everything in his favour. And the country supports its citizens.

OP posts:
dancealittleclosertome · 22/05/2021 21:18

Could you persuade your husband to move to France with you? You might find your marriage improves if you are happier.

lockdownalli · 22/05/2021 21:18

I believe all Scandinavian countries are signed up to the Hague convention, so you may be unable to take your child with you if you wish to leave the country you are living in with them and their father refuses permission.

Agree you should seek legal advice but prepare yourself for the fact you may well be stuck there. Flowers

Original poster
Leadelariv · 22/05/2021 21:19

When I say move to France : I include husband too.

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Original poster
Leadelariv · 22/05/2021 21:21

@dancealittleclosertome yes this is the plan. Not sure how the relationship would get better at this stage but I’d feel safer at home.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 22/05/2021 21:21

So you want to move all of you, then break up with him and hope for the best and that he will stay?
We had story like that here few days ago. Didn't work out.

Speak to the lawyer

PicsInRed · 22/05/2021 21:22

This sounds so familiar, have you posted about this before?

Original poster
Leadelariv · 22/05/2021 21:23

@lockdownalli yes, they all have The Hague…i can’t stay in his country, i don’t like it. How stupid to have a child abroad…and mumsnetter had warned me before I had my child!

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Original poster
Leadelariv · 22/05/2021 21:25

@SchrodingersImmigrant he would never let go his child. Best option is séparation in France or continue to live like flatmates but at least I’ll be in my home country feeling safe.

Explain please what happened?

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Original poster
Leadelariv · 22/05/2021 21:26

I mean the amount of insults I have received in the past few years… I don’t even see how I could even forgive him

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 22/05/2021 21:27

The majority of posters on here are based in the UK and won't have the knowledge of what the law says in either Scandinavia or France.

You'll need to speak to a lawyer who specialises in these type of cases, but broadly, I would say that the law considers the children to be citizens of the country they are born in/usually resident in. Which in your case appears to be Scandinavia.

It also sounds most unlikely that your unpleasant husband will agree to move to France with you (even without knowing you are intending to divorce him). Have you even suggested this to him?

It's no use asking people on the internet what to do, if you suggest to him you all move to France and he refuses point blank.

Original poster
Leadelariv · 22/05/2021 21:28

@SchrodingersImmigrant Sorry, I missed the point. Yes I’d hope that he sticks around for my child because he deserves access to his father…
Honestly he could even stay in the same house as me as long as I can have my life back. I don’t want to have a new relationship anyway, I’m down with this. I’d rather be alone and maybe have flings in the future.

OP posts:
lockdownalli · 22/05/2021 21:29

Oh I misunderstood.

So you think DH will agree to move to France? Then he will be the one who is stuck when you split?

From your OP it doesn't sound like he would fall for that shit but..........

Original poster
Leadelariv · 22/05/2021 21:30

@MadMadMadamMim on a good day he doesn’t disagree to a move to France if I can provide us with a flat in a good city.
I talk to mumsnetters because I don’t know who to talk to.

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 22/05/2021 21:30

Would he let you take your child home to France for a holiday ?

Original poster
Leadelariv · 22/05/2021 21:32

@lockdownalli I know…

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Original poster
Leadelariv · 22/05/2021 21:32

@DinosaurDiana good question! He never agreed so far

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DinosaurDiana · 22/05/2021 21:35

Do you have family in France ? Have they ever met your child ?

Original poster
Leadelariv · 23/05/2021 08:01

Yes I have family in France and they know my child pretty well considered the distance.
I might post this in «living overseas»

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