WIBU to get signed off work?

[WhoisRebecca]

I’ve been signed off for a week due to stress. I’m feeling v guilty because me being off increases everyone else’s workload. This week dd, 14, ended up in hospital after taking a small overdose. She has terrible school related anxiety and did it to avoid school. She did something similar back in Dec. She struggles with emotion regulation and can be very difficult to care for. CAMHS suspect she is autistic and we are going through the assessment process.
I actually got so stressed when I found out what dd had done that I smashed my car tail light reversing into a bollard. Things are calmer now and I’ve been able to take dd to school and pick her up early if she is struggling, which I couldn’t do if I was off work. I’m also able to liaise with school/CAMHS where I struggle to make time at work as it’s so full on. So I explained all this to the GP and she signed me off with no issues, but I feel so guilty.

*which I couldn’t do if I wasn’t off work

Take as much time off sick as your entitled too and support your dd x

If you're not well enough to be in work die to stress then that's it, you need to look after you and yours first.

Is there anyway work could be flexible with your hours so you can still go and get her if she needs it going forward? Can she be alone then or do you need to stay with her?

Your dd needs you, that is your priority quite. Work will manage, try not to feel bad

I’m a teacher so it’s the most inflexible job. She can be left alone and DH works from home, but he’s stepdad and she responds much better to me. I just felt like I could cope with dd and I could cope with work, but the two together is too much. On Monday I would have been in from 7am to 7.30pm because of a parents Eve and I just can’t do it.

Then you're doing the right thing.

I'd think it should be parents or carers leave not sick leave.

But YANBU to care for your daughter when she needs it.

I wouldn’t get paid as I’ve used up my parents leave this year. And I do feel stressed by the situation.

I’ve been bursting into tears at work with the worry of it.

@WhoisRebecca

I wouldn’t get paid as I’ve used up my parents leave this year. And I do feel stressed by the situation.

Why can't you just continue being 'off sick' so you're paid? They don't need to know everything that has happened.

I'm a teacher too and I've been off work for a month with stress in the past. I went back before I was ready and it made me so much worse. Please take as much time off as you feel you need x

They do know the situation but I’ve said the personal stress has caused me immense anxiety and I’m not fit to go in this week. Then it’s half term so we will get two weeks to recover.

My daughter has been going through something similar- my work are fully aware and supportive. Things like getting her to school & dealing with head of year etc.
Like you I could feel myself getting overwhelmed with it all and I did taken sick days for myself.
Work have said I can use careers leave if needed.
I’ve been very lucky in how supportive work have been.

Don't feel guilty! Your DD needs you, and you can't work if you're sick with stress so of course it's fine to be signed off!

Can you afford to get dd seen by the ASD consultant privately just to speed things up?

Or can you afford a private counsellor for her?

Take the time you need.

Teacher here- you aren’t fit to work and the doctor agrees. You aren’t indispensable, it will be fine and even though it feels impossible to you right now the rest of the staff will cope.

We have private healthcare so she’s seeing a psychiatrist this week. She is an ASD specialist, but our insurance won’t cover a diagnosis. It will cover associated mental health issues though. I couldn’t have afforded it without the insurance - it’s 300 a session

I feel ok when I’m at home, but I think trying to go into work would tip me over the edge.

You are stressed.
Therefore, sickness absence due to stress is totally right for you.
Most decent people feel guilty when they take time of work and worry about the impacts on others - but those of us left in the office do understand when someone is genuinely unwell. Your colleagues will cope. You need the time off

A wise line manager once said to me - think about who will be at your funeral - it won't be your employers.

Teacher guilt is real.

The truth is it’s still just a job and your daughter (and you) need to come first.

It is a perfectly legitimate reason to be signed off with stress, the situation is causing you to be stressed and anxious. It doesn’t need to be parental leave at all in my view.

Yes it will leave work short, but it is not your job to sort that. Take the time you need to look after your daughter.

You are doing the right thing. You take good care of yourself as well as your daughter xxx

Thank you, I do think it’s the right decision for us both. I am usually really conscientious and we’ve got a huge workload at the moment, but I don’t think I have a choice.

Stop feeling guilty right now. I had time off for a similar reason after 2 years of supporting DH though illness. I walked into my Gp and fell to bits. She signed me off on the spot and pointed out if you have been under incredible stress you sometimes need to stop and regroup. Use the time to start sorting things out but do something that makes you happy every day. Even just a coffee and 20 mins in the sun with a book. Look after u so u can support her.

Thank you. I feel guilty taking it easy but I think it needs to be done. My stress also impacts dd.

@WhoisRebecca

I’ve been bursting into tears at work with the worry of it.

Have you thought about giving up full time work and maybe doing private tutoring that you can pick the times you work. This would be you could be available for your daughter but still work at the same time