Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To completely give up

24 replies

justdone14 · 22/05/2021 09:24

NC for this as feeling very ashamed.

Last night I met a friend at the pub for what was meant to be a couple of drinks and some food. We haven't seen each other all through lockdown and got a bit carried away. Long story short is I got really really drunk. I came home and was horrible to dh and upset the two dc. Apparently I was swearing and made ds cry, I can't remember any of it.

I feel utterly terrible this morning. Obviously I have apologised and everyone is ok with me now. But I grew up watching my mother get drunk and the memories have stuck with me so I'm scared my kids will remember this. I am not a big drinker but when I do drink I tend to get carried away like last night. I never want to lose control like that again and am considering giving up altogether.

Don't know why I'm posting really as I'm sure I'll get flamed and rightly so. Has anyone else successfully quit booze after taking it too far?

OP posts:

Bumzoo · 22/05/2021 09:25

Yes. I don't drink anymore.

thecatwithnoeyes · 22/05/2021 09:27

@Bumzoo

Yes. I don't drink anymore.

This ^

I stopped a few years ago and have never looked back.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 22/05/2021 09:27

If you have no stop button then I recommend not to start.

My dh has no stop button so doesn't drink anymore now because it gets out of hand.

It's really not pleasant for the sober people having to deal with a drunk especially a nasty one op

Original poster

justdone14 · 22/05/2021 09:28

No i realise that and never want my kids to see me like that again. I feel mortified. I don't drink regularly but I can't risk anything like that happening again so you're right, best not to start at all.

OP posts:

DownWhichOfLate · 22/05/2021 09:29

How old are your children? Yes, you need to go cold turkey.

ThatIsMyPotato · 22/05/2021 09:29

It's tough but once you get the hang of not drinking at special occasions etc it gets easier.

Original poster

justdone14 · 22/05/2021 09:33

They are 9 and 11

OP posts:

DownWhichOfLate · 22/05/2021 09:34

So probably old enough to explain about alcohol and how it can affect people. And apologise to them for your behaviour and explain it won’t happen again.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 22/05/2021 09:57

You struggle to control it and you are a nasty drunk. It's a very toxic combination, so yes just quitting altogether is the best outcome.

You need to accept that fully and make the change.

Hawkins001 · 22/05/2021 09:59

What about having cctv setup so you can record.your behaviour when your drink to understand better how you act ?

Muminabun · 22/05/2021 10:01

I was an awful drunk op. Not nasty but far to friendly with strangers and made myself vulnerable at worst and cringeworthy at best. I read allen carrs book and didn’t drink since then. It’s fine and I don’t miss it honestly. Apologise to dh and kids and tell them you are giving up drinking for good.

Marlena1 · 22/05/2021 10:02

Well done for realising. Maybe this was the kick you needed. I have really cut down as it got out of hand with lockdown and feel much better. If you can't cut down though, giving up is necessary.

Rainbowqueeen · 22/05/2021 10:03

AA can give you support. I’d go to a few meetings. Your family deserve to see you demonstrate commitment not just say words.
I’d also make it clear to friends and family that you have stopped drinking and that you would like their support.
Finally well done for seeing the problem and realising you need to change your ways. Best wishes

JillsFlapjacks · 22/05/2021 10:06

I'm not going to berate you. You feel bad enough yourself, and I've certainly had times I've went too far. Cutting it out completely seems sensible for you, and it's good that you recognise this. If I still drank how I did in my late teens - early twenties, I would have stopped too.

thoselinesjustgetfainter · 22/05/2021 14:06

Hi OP. It is possible to give up completely. Easier than moderation. Check out Annie Grace on YouTube.

Just want to put this out there: you have no recollection of being at home last night (which does indicate problem drinking, of course). This means you have to rely on your husband's account. Is everything ok in your relationship? It's very unusual for a mother to be abusive to her DC completely out of the blue when drunk as a one off. Swearing in front of DC is not the same as swearing at them.

I'm not denying that your children seeing you blind drunk will have been unsettling and should of course not be repeated. But something about your post made me wonder if your husband is using you being drunk (when your DC were in his, presumably sober and competent, care) as a stick to beat you with.

Notaroadrunner · 22/05/2021 14:15

@Hawkins001

What about having cctv setup so you can record.your behaviour when your drink to understand better how you act ?

Or how about not drinking again. That would be a better option. If you cannot even remember what you did then you should not be drinking. Look up Annie Grace as suggested by @thoselinesjustgetfainter. Also Clare Pooley. Make the decision not to drink, tell your Dh and don't organise a night out with friends for a while - stick to meeting up for a coffee until you feel able to go out for dinner with them. I go out for dinner with friends now and I'll drive - they're delighted! I'd pass on a boozy night out with friends though. I've done it sober and they seriously wrecked my head - gave me an insight as to how much of a pain in the arse I must also have been when drunk. Best of luck. You'll be the better for it!

therocinante · 22/05/2021 14:19

I used to drink maybe every couple of months - not regularly at all. But I was an awful drunk, no sense of when to stop, and I would always wake up with a sinking sense of shame.

I don't drink any more. It doesn't suit me.

LittlestBoho · 22/05/2021 14:22

Not drinking at all is much easier than moderation. I was also a dipsomaniac who couldn't stop once I'd started. I could go for months happily not drinking, but then a night out came along and I'd be blotto, doing shots, out until dawn. If I had one drink then I'd have 20 drinks, I couldn't moderate.

Read Allen Carr's book about quitting alcohol. It will really help you to see how pointless and stupid it is.

My life is so much better now without alcohol. My relationships are better, my anxiety is better, I enjoy my life more.

Good luck If your mum was a drinker then you are acting out the same pattern as your childhood. Now you've recognised this behaviour you can change it.

tattleandbagels · 22/05/2021 14:33

If you cannot drink without upsetting your kids, then it's easy. Do not drink. It's ridiculous to go into such a state.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 22/05/2021 14:44

A positive that can come of this is your children are old enough to understand if you explain to them that that's what alcohol can do to you and so it's best avoided/in moderation

Try not to be so hard on yourself - you've realised it's an issue and are prepared to fix it

Original poster

justdone14 · 22/05/2021 14:49

@thoselinesjustgetfainter my husband wouldn't lie and I have been a bad drunk and given him abuse before. Never in front of the kids though. Of course that doesn't make it ok but I'm extra ashamed that the kids have witnessed it now. Dh was pissed off at the time but I've apologised and told him it won't happen again.

I am going to stop completely. Its just not worth the risk of ending up in that state and upsetting the people I love. Dc are fine today, we've been out for a walk and for lunch. I dont want them ever to see anything like that again from me. My language and behaviour was just disgusting.

OP posts:

thoselinesjustgetfainter · 22/05/2021 14:57

[quote justdone14]@thoselinesjustgetfainter my husband wouldn't lie and I have been a bad drunk and given him abuse before. Never in front of the kids though. Of course that doesn't make it ok but I'm extra ashamed that the kids have witnessed it now. Dh was pissed off at the time but I've apologised and told him it won't happen again.

pepsicolagirl · 22/05/2021 15:02

Your job as a parent is to protect your child and not place them in situations which could be damaging. You now know that you cannot be around them when you are drunk because you are potentially abusive, so you should no longer get drunk.

It's really that simple and if this was my relationship and my OH did what you did I would leave him without hesitation if he drank to that extent again.

I hope you are able to do this OP. Sending you best wishes.

SadieCow · 22/05/2021 17:50

Well done OP, you've realised accepted and you are going to deal with it.

You'll have a long, happy, healthy marriage, motherhood and life.

I'm sure somewhere on MN I've seen a giving up alcohol help thread.

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread