To feel so ashamed of myself and as if I'm letting my daughter down?

[guiltymumnow]

My daughter is 7 and came home from school today really upset because a girl in her class said, 'your mum is fat'.

I have put on a lot of weight the past year, 2 stone to be precise. I am a size 16/18 and only 5 foot 4. I know I need to lose weight, I comfort eat and I have PCOS so that doesn't help.

I'm really upset and ashamed though, I feel like I've really let my daughter down and I'm an embarrassment to her. I knew I needed to lose weight but I didn't think I was that bad, I don't feel enormous that children would notice. But they obviously are and I feel like such a shit mum putting my daughter through that.

All I can do is lose weight I suppose but it feels like I've let my daughter down in the mean time 😢

AIBU?

You have PCOS, a condition linked to weight gain. You should not feel ashamed, but do what you need to do to feel better & healthier for yourself.

The kid was rude. Teach your daughter that rudeness is a horrible trait.

Sorry you're feeling this way op you have not let your daughter down at all; children can be so cruel

Don't tak on like that because of a little kid's remark

Take on...

How on earth is that letting your kid down, because another 7 year old is rude?

The parents of the other child should be the ones who are embarrassed. Even my 4yo son knows that fat isn't a kind word.

It's good to get healthy but you would be better off teaching your dd it's not nice to judge people on their weight, looks or other personal things that are not really any of your business. Instead we should be compassionate to others and think about it there is anything we could do to help them.

I really wouldn't take it personally. I got called a fat cow in the street a while back by a random child. I'm not even overweight. Some DC are just not nice.

You’re not letting your daughter down, it must be so much harder with pcos. It’s hard enough trying to stay slim! Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your post made me feel sad. Your size isn’t that big! Your daughter’s friend is v unkind!

Don’t let this in, OP. It’s a learning opportunity for your DD, and you. About kindness, compassion, and to never body shame anyone.

You aren’t letting your daughter down OP some kids are badly brought up and rude - that’s absolutely no reflection on you.

You haven’t let your daughter down. The other girl wanted to upset her - if you were thinner she would have said something else to get a reaction. It’s about her bad behaviour and not who you are or what you weigh. I’d be ashamed if the other girl was my daughter. Sorry you’re feeling down.

She passed on a factually correct comment. It wasn’t a judgement on your ability as a parent. It wasn’t letting her down.
Teach her to rise above such comments. Acknowledge you carry a few extra pounds, but accept that doesn’t make you a bad person or bad mother.
Be kind to yourself. Do nice things. Enjoy time with your daughter.

You havent let your daughter down. The little girl is in the wrong, although she's young enough to be ignorant of it.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Don't let your dd grow up with the belief that her body is ever anything to be ashamed or embarrassed about, regardless of size.

She passed on a factually correct comment.
Oh ffs! 🙄

You have not let your daughter down.

Thank you for all your lovely, kind comments. You are right, I should use this as an opportunity to teach my daughter about body shaming/being kind etc. And use this is a kick up the arse to get my diet sorted out.

@Branleuse

How on earth is that letting your kid down, because another 7 year old is rude?

Absolutely agree.

I'm much bigger than you. I'm no perfect mum but if a rude, horrible child makes fun of my chilld because of my weight then that is on them and their parents not me or my child.

Children can be cruel. My son came home from school at a similar age upset that a child called him poor because we live in a council house My point being that children will sometimes use anything to be mean.

I would advise teaching your dd some resilience in the face of nasty remarks, perhaps arm her with a couple of phrases to reply with? (That's an unkind thing to say, or I don't care what you think)
It's likely this was a one off comment but if it continues then it's bullying behaviour and needs to be dealt with by the teacher.

Please don't use this a stick to beat yourself with. It's almost impossible to lose weight if your self esteem is low.
Clearly this has touched a nerve with you. You have gained a lot in a relatively short period through comfort eating. We've had a hideous year with the pandemic and its fall out so a lot of people are in the same position. Forgive yourself that but don't put your head in the sand. It's possible to change your habits.

Try to treat yourself kindly. Your weight is a completely separate issue to you being a good mum.

There’s a hell of a lot worse things you can be than fat. Rude for example! Nasty people will always fine something to be cruel about. If it wasn’t your weight it would be something else.