To be really struggling with everyone getting married and having babies and just wanting this part of my life over with?

[lastcrimbo]

I'm 29 year old single mum. I had my son at 21. I have a nice life, I am very happy and content most of the time. I have a nice home, a couple of amazing friends, family support, a great relationship with my son and no money worries.

I have always been content with having one child, I had bad pnd and really struggled to bond with my son, I hated the baby/toddler stage so much and couldn't do it again so always counted myself lucky to have the one child.

I have been single for 4 years and have also been very content with that, I've had one night stands/dated a few guys in that time but nothing serious. I love my own space and company and I genuinely don't think sex is all it's cracked up to be. I get really overwhelmed being in anyone's company for a long period of time and to be honest I just can't be bothered putting in any energy to get to know someone and the thought of ever living with anyone again...well I just wouldn't. I feel like I get my 'emotional needs' met by my friends.

However, recently there have been so many people getting pregnant/engaged and it's really getting me down. This is necessarily good friends but more acquaintances/friends of friends that i message with once in a while and see at social gatherings. For some reason seeing it all on social media is really upsetting me, I can't place my finger on why.

Last week my friend told me that she had been asked to be a bridesmaid for our other friend (were not very close but we used to be, she is lovely and message every so often) and after I heard that I just had this pit in my stomach. It's almost as if I feel like her life is perfect, baby and getting married, but I don't understand why as none of those things are what I want.

I really feel miserable tonight, I keep seeing all these posts of people I went to school with, marrying, announcing their pregnancy and instead of feeling happy for them I feel like I could burst out crying. I just don't understand such a strong reaction.

I wish I could fall asleep for 6 years and get most of this out of the way so I didn't have to witness it.

Is this natural? AIBU?

I'm also due my period so aware that might be making me extra crazy tonight.

You sound really miserable op so I don't think that's great. Is this a form of envy, not about the babies or engagements but about life changes? Do you dread change? Or maybe fear being left behind?

Maybe give social media a bit of a break until you feel better? Or hide certain threats/updates for a while?

Everything looks perfect on social media. You don't know what's behind the facade. It's probably not as 'perfect' as you think.

My friend is in a similar position and whilst super happy with her son and life she dies mourn a little for the status quo. I think we can always think the grass is a little greener.

Ps avoid social media

It’s the pang of feeling left behind. I felt like this in my late twenties. I was a bit of wreak, nowhere near as sorted as you are and even though I felt so happy for my friends I really felt like they were moving on, growing up and getting better and I was stuck in house shares, dead end jobs and loser boyfriends. It will pass-but it is shit while you live through it. I found that the thing that helped most was getting off Facebook for a bit and realising that I had made every single decision that had lead to the point of feeling hopeless-that gave me much more control over my feelings-I might not have liked where I was, but at least it was my choice. This helped me dig out of the hole I was in to make myself happier. Good luck OP.

Mainly remember social media is bullshit. Also, you know the reality of having a baby and toddler, it's different from the fairytale. Same for marriage. I think that time in your life where people are doing these seeming fairytale things is difficult, if you feel out of step in a way. But it'll change later on. Focus on making your life exactly how you want it and don't go on social media as much.

Envy is a perfectly normal emotion, and it's healthy in small doses.

We deny ourselves feeling envy and processing it properly because attached to the envy is the feeling that we are responsible for our misfortune. And attached to that responsibility is shame for not doing/being better

Contrary to all the bullshit we read about controlling your destiny, sometimes life is just plain unfair and our negative situations are not completely our fault. Some people are just more/less fortunate than others.

And it's not contradictory to be happy for the good in your life like your ds and friends while at the same time being sad about not having a partner and a second income etc.

And get off SM

I'm also 29 and I know what you mean. This week I deactivated a social platform and am spending hardly any time on another. I feel much better already.

But yes, I feel you. It can be hard.

YANBU

I was one of these "smug marrieds" and even I hated that part of my life, it's all just a bit urghh!

I agree with avoiding social media, and don't feel you have to attend hen weekends, weddings etc if you don't want to.

Look after yourself OP

Its difficult when friends are at different stages and you seem out of sync. I remember feeling a bit left behind when the babies started arriving, even though I didn't want one at that time! But there is no happily ever after the fairytale wedding. People still have their ups and downs, illness, heartaches and problems to contend with.

Hey,

I’ve never been happier since I gave up social media. People put across that their life is perfect but trust me it’s all fake made in part I feel to make others envious. Don’t believe everything people out out there! Xx

Please don't wish your life away. You won't get another one. Let yourself feel how you feel and be kind to yourself so the emotions can work their way out of your system.