To think this is wrong

[dazzlerdo]

My sister has a 15 year old son, he's got a girlfriend the same age, they've been together about 6 months.
She thinks it's ok for him to stay round at her house in the same bed. Also her parents go camping most weekends, about 20 mins drive away from where they live. She also lets him stay over Friday to Sunday when the parents are away.

We've had a little argument about this, well disagreement. I've told her I don't think she should be letting this happen at 15 year old, she thinks it's fine and I need to "get a grip and chill out".

Just after other people's opinions. What do you think, am I right or is she?

@Smileyaxolotl1

Yanbu at all. They are both underage, unfortunately lots of idiotic parents love being the cool person who is down with the kids. Like someone I knew who used to bring her daughter and whichever kid she was shagging tea in bed when they were 14. No surprise she was the first in the year to get pregnant. Having said that there isn’t much you can do and if you comment your sister will most likely dig her heels in

Exactly this! She said to me I don't want to say no because o don't want to embarrass him and think I'm a boring mum!

@osbertthesyrianhamster sorry if I come across defensive. Please tell me why I do??

No, I wouldn’t. And all those saying that they’d just find another place, don’t want them freezing down a back alley etc, well actually yes, I’d rather not make it easy. Plenty of time to enjoy sex with all associated comforts when you hit adulthood (or even sixteen if you’re keen on enabling your teenagers). Faced with sex not in a nice bed plenty of teens wouldn’t bother, or would wait a bit. In my experience, providing this kind of domesticity can lead to girls, especially, feeling under pressure to have sex before they’re ready. It’s not always a bad thing to have nowhere to go and have to sleep in your own bed alone.

I might just ask her if she’s considered how to be a supportive parent if he becomes a father before he’s even an adult.

You're one of those posters who just want validation for your indignation; nothing anyone points out to you will do anything other than give you fodder to round on them and pick an argument. It's tedious in the extreme.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

You're one of those posters who just want validation for your indignation; nothing anyone points out to you will do anything other than give you fodder to round on them and pick an argument. It's tedious in the extreme.

Isn’t that what AIBU is for?

@osbertthesyrianhamster

You're one of those posters who just want validation for your indignation; nothing anyone points out to you will do anything other than give you fodder to round on them and pick an argument. It's tedious in the extreme.

Not picking an argument with anyone. Asking for an opinion.

I replied to those saying they would, why.
Also replies to those saying none of my business. No defence at all

@osbertthesyrianhamster

You're one of those posters who just want validation for your indignation; nothing anyone points out to you will do anything other than give you fodder to round on them and pick an argument. It's tedious in the extreme.

If its so tedious why are you even here

Why are you? To get some cheerleaders, it seems, prove how shit your sister is? Whatever.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Why are you? To get some cheerleaders, it seems, prove how shit your sister is? Whatever.

Shit the f**k up. Me and my sister are best friends and the closest sisters ever.

Not trying to get one up on her at all, we never argue so wanted an opinion for this one!

@dazzlerdo

Yes I agree with you all, it is none of my business but when she's coming to me asking my opinion because she doesn't think it should happen and she's worried, then when I tell her my opinion I get told to chill out. Can't win!!

Yet she's the first to judge anyone and their kids.
Was just wanting to know from others if this is something they would agree to.

They'd do it anyway, so it's better they are safe in her house than in a park or somewhere, and it's better to keep the lines of communication open.

My kids were/are too socially awkward to have this opportunity eyes cast askance at 16yr old DS who always needs a shower. So it hasn't been my problem.

My take on the situation is:

The parents know where the kids are
which is a safe place
The kids aren't sneaking around or shagging in weird unsafe places
The DSIS has a good relationship with the kids & they trust her & would bring their problems to her.
This may extend to frank conversations about birth control, STIs, consent, emotional boundaries, mutual respect
Both kids feel supported by their parents
The kids may have a healthy safe mutually supportive relationship
Teens badly need social think

I dunno what I think, but it's definitely not a disaster story. tbh.

How far away from turning 16 are they, OP?

*Teens need a social life....

@lljkk

My kids were/are too socially awkward to have this opportunity eyes cast askance at 16yr old DS who always needs a shower. So it hasn't been my problem.

My take on the situation is:

The parents know where the kids are
which is a safe place
The kids aren't sneaking around or shagging in weird unsafe places
The DSIS has a good relationship with the kids & they trust her & would bring their problems to her.
This may extend to frank conversations about birth control, STIs, consent, emotional boundaries, mutual respect
Both kids feel supported by their parents
The kids may have a healthy safe mutually supportive relationship
Teens badly need social think

I dunno what I think, but it's definitely not a disaster story. tbh.

How far away from turning 16 are they, OP?

Oh yeah. I have a 16 year old ds who needs a shower twice a day!!

They have both only just turned 15, nephew mid April and GF next month

@3Britnee "They'd do it anyway, so it's better they are safe in her house than in a park or somewhere, and it's better to keep the lines of communication open."

While I think there's some wisdom in this, I think it's also the case that when you make it okay in this way you massively increase the number of times they will actually have sex and that significantly increases the chances of, in particular, pregnancy. I think it's better not to be condemning, to keep lines of communication open, but not to provide routine opportunity.

@BoomBoomsCousin it also would increase the chance of using protection and having a more respectful and safe approach to sex. I wouldn't agree with letting them stay everywhere but they've been together 6 months and both parents are on board. A lot of kids have a horrendous experience with first times, but at least they have the chance to have a better relationship. It's not ideal obviously but there's no better way for teenagers dating.
The poster with a 15ywar old and a 14 year old girl fiend that's a definite no, 15 is borderline but 14 not a chance.

She asked for your opinion so you had every right to give it (but you should have put that in your original post!). I agree with you, it's not right and I wouldn't and don't allow it. I think your sister has a duty of care to the girl and wouldn't allow it under my roof.

why not use the thread title to give an indication of what the thread is about?

If she doesn’t think it should happen then she should stop it happening, but she doesn’t so asking your opinion is a waste of time.

[quote Asherline]@BoomBoomsCousin it also would increase the chance of using protection and having a more respectful and safe approach to sex. I wouldn't agree with letting them stay everywhere but they've been together 6 months and both parents are on board. A lot of kids have a horrendous experience with first times, but at least they have the chance to have a better relationship. It's not ideal obviously but there's no better way for teenagers dating.
The poster with a 15ywar old and a 14 year old girl fiend that's a definite no, 15 is borderline but 14 not a chance.
[/quote]
Yes. I think it’s a difficult decision. The pregnancy issue is complicated - earlier sexual experiences appear to be causal of lower condom and contraceptive use not just at the time but through early adulthood, increasing risk of unplanned pregnancy and STIs. Whether that risk is countered by allowing that early access in these circumstances is not clear.

It guess my borderline is higher than yours.

@BoomBoomsCousin
I don't think it's a specific age thing it's weighing the options with each situation. There's no perfect way just judge it the best you can at the time. Might work for one 15 year old but not another.