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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

FT mums, do you feel the same?

63 replies

Soupforoneplease · 21/05/2021 12:50

I have an unexpected day off today. I dropped my DS at preschool and then went home. The whole day to myself... it felt so strange. Nearly all my annual leave is booked to look after the DC's and usually we would go on holiday.
I can't believe this is life for some people. Going home, pottering around, exercise! Even doing the washing up whilst listening to a podcast uninterrupted! DD even has a play date after school so I have until 6pm to myself.
How many days like this do you have per year and how do you spend them?

OP posts:

Tk5787338 · 21/05/2021 14:14

I think I’ve had one day like this in the last 4 years and I was heavily pregnant with a cold so didn’t even get to enjoy it. Normally my annual leave is to fit around DD and on the rare occasion it’s not then it’s been for things like appointments or a hen do

SoupDragon · 21/05/2021 14:16

well what do you do if both children are out the house for a large part of the day?

Whatever the fuck I like 😂😂

fluffythedragonslayer · 21/05/2021 14:18

I work term time only so never get days like that! I have been WFH a lot recently so I do have the house to myself but obviously have to work.

I'd give up work in a heartbeat if I won the lottery and spend my days lunching and going to the gym and gardening and making my house perfect. And drink wine and watch tv.

SparklyLeprechaun · 21/05/2021 14:30

My kids don't get all the bank holidays off school (they get the big ones like Christmas and Easter but not the ones in May, for example). It's awesome, but it does feel surreal. I get to watch whatever I want on the telly, exercise, go shopping by myself. I'm toying with the idea of dropping a day off work just to get more time like this.

OwlBeThere · 21/05/2021 14:33

None when my kids were small, it was so bad that when I had to go to hospital for cancer surgery I was chuffed at thought of time without children

alabaster11 · 21/05/2021 14:33

@SoupDragon

well what do you do if both children are out the house for a large part of the day?

Whatever the fuck I like 😂😂

🤣

EasterEggBelly · 21/05/2021 14:35

Brilliant, another thread ‘in disguise’ about how boring it must be to be a stay at home parent... yes yes we know your brain would turn to mush. What on earth would you do all day? Etc etc.

The teacher bashing during the height of the pandemic has obviously been replaced now by SAH parent bashing. This is about the third thread in as many days.

I’m not a stay at home parent but I was. I did all the things that you would do on a day off. Chores. Laundry. Admin. Yes some exercise. Yes some meeting friends for coffee. No, I didn’t spend the days napping. Surprisingly.

namechangemarch21 · 21/05/2021 14:37

I'm going back to 4 days a week soon (not really a choice, financial needs of the business)

We have no choice but to pay for full time childcare, I will mostly not send her in Fridays but I will have some days 'off' where she goes in because, say, there's a birthday and she doesn't want to miss the cake. I could SO easily have that be my life, with no difficulties. My parents are retired, and when I spent days with them on mat leave I did sometimes marvel at how little it took to fill a day up - so, they'd go to the supermarket, and that would be their one outing. If they needed to do something else, it would be done on another day.

I love getting errands done, like haircuts, and shopping, on working days. Shops are usually quieter, its more efficient. I never get as much done as I think. I drink lots of teas...its absolute bliss.

DH and I booked a day like that off for my birthday, and will do a few more this year. Its totally worth it.

Missushbb · 21/05/2021 14:38

@bitheby

What's a FT mum? Are there PT mums?

i know, i hate this. i didnt realise there was a flexi option! i wasn't offered part time parenting! 😂

trilbydoll · 21/05/2021 14:38

I have Fridays off. The day is unexpectedly short and I don't get anywhere near as much done as I thought I would when dd2 started school! Today I've tidied up, gone into town for a few bits and now I'm watching ¿Quien Mato Sara? on Netflix and telling myself it'll improve my Spanish

butwhatcanwedo · 21/05/2021 14:42

There aren’t that many hours while they are at school...and only 38 weeks of the year. Then there is the illness and self isolation...

I work but I think having a sahp is a great idea too. There is always stuff to do, I have so much family and life admin and chores, which I just do a bad job of because of work but I think there is value in doing the domestic stuff well. And sahps have some free time but in return may have zero freedom outside school hours if the other parent works long hours etc.

3scape · 21/05/2021 14:46

And I get shouted down on MN when I refer to my barely EOW ex as a part time parent

Pinkblueberry · 21/05/2021 14:53

Before I had children I worked full-time so it wasn't my life before children.

All day every day?? I worked a very demanding full time job before I had kids but I still managed to have days where I could do as I pleased.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 21/05/2021 14:53

I have 4 hours a day like you describe.I work term time in a very part time job.I love my alone time.

Oilpyii · 21/05/2021 15:04

I worked full time until the last few years and I can say I’ve never ever had trouble occupying myself on the rare days I got!
I’d do anything from reading a good book, a trip somewhere I’ve never been or trying a craft.
I’ve never felt the need to work in order to occupy myself, and for the first time I’m now not working (home educating). Having a blast, I’m slimmer and healthier than I’ve been in a decade, I’ve shed my anxiety and my relationship is happier without the ‘I’m tired’ one upmanship of tried people with multiple kids.
I used to be out 7:30-6:30 daily, I feel lucky to be able to take a break to spend time with my younger 3 children. Each to their own, but I’m totally happy not working and I put some effort into financially making this possible thanks to my career opportunities.

Oilpyii · 21/05/2021 15:08

Amen @SoupDragon 😂

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 21/05/2021 15:12

I am a SAHM of a school age child. My house and life are very organised and evenings and weekends are family time with no worry about chores. Oh also have middle of the day sex which is fab.

At the moment we are in the process of moving house so quite a lot of stuff to do with that. Once we move and Covid restrictions are over I intend to exercise more and volunteer.

OrangeRug · 21/05/2021 15:13

I use nearly all of annual leave for "me" days or days with my partner bar the one week a year my Mum goes on holiday. I'm very lucky that she still looks after my DD if I take a day off. It helps keep me sane plus I only work part time anyway so I'm with DD four days a week.

ncgy · 21/05/2021 15:14

I'm so jealous of people who have days like this every week. Their houses must be so clean! Their lives so organised! They're probably much fitter, healthier and slimmer than me too and their weekends are freed up for nice things.

I work p/t & dc in school. If it helps I'm not particularly organised, my house is generally messy & I put on weight as eat more on days off.
I like to just veg & not do much, find it very restorative.

ncgy · 21/05/2021 15:17

Today i binged watched motherland

ncgy · 21/05/2021 15:17

dc back soon, comes round way to quick! 🤣

ZenNudist · 21/05/2021 15:25

I have Monday off. It's quite a busy day. Drop dc at the walking to school point then go for a run, back for 9, eat breakfast, shopping delivered, put it away, clean fridge, maybe start cooking, or do a list of admin chores and laundry until swimming at 12, get back shower and have lunch with dh, sit in an exhausted heap, go out and get dc from school, from there its either park or friends house for coffee, then home in time to make tea, football practice, tidy house in advance of cleaner coming the next day, finally get to watch some tv at about 10pm.

My days at work are much more relaxing!!!

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 21/05/2021 15:31

well what do you do if both children are out the house for a large part of the day? That's a genuine question?

Ah and there it is, it is usually asked with a head tilt and a look of incredulity at how someone could do this every day.

All the stuff you/your partner do in the evenings and weekends which includes all the boring dull shit housework, shopping, laundry plus all the great stuff like watching films, reading books, listening to podcasts and fucking off out the house for whatever I want, meeting friends, lounging in coffee shops etc. Dh takes every family member birthday and anniversary off so we do lots together as well whilst the children are in school.

I say children, one of them is now 18 and just finishing sixth form. I have had the best time and Dh has hardly had to lift a finger so it has worked well for him too.

ncgy · 21/05/2021 15:39

Ah and there it is, it is usually asked with a head tilt and a look of incredulity at how someone could do this every day.

DH was off work for 3 months (recovery from op). He didn't do any more housework then usual so mainly spent the time relaxing. Even he was surprised at how "easy" it was to fill the day as before he imagined if he had that amount of free time he would do loads so the question may be innocent.

Ventiicedcoffee · 21/05/2021 15:52

@Manteo

Before I had children I worked full-time so it wasn't my life before children.

What you never had a day off?

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