To feel like I’ll never get married or have a committed relationship?

[Gonebirdwatching]

I’m 31, soon to be 32 and I’ve had various relationships over the years, I’ve had three serious ones. I’ve had two engagements and I have a child from one of them. But none have worked out. I feel as though no one really wants to commit to me long term.
To be honest, most of the break ups were mutual, although looking back at the time, they could probably all be worked on, if we were both willing. I really regret the first one, as looking back it was perfect, we were together for 6 years and he had a very well paid job, we would have been very comfortable. I feel like I regret my decision everyday.

I just don’t know what to do now, every relationship I have seems to fall apart. I feel like it must be me as I’m the common denominator in all of them.

I feel as though I’ll be on my own long term.

If you were with someone for 6 years then you have had a committed relationship you just weren't married

I really regret the first one, as looking back it was perfect, we were together for 6 years and he had a very well paid job, we would have been very comfortable. I feel like I regret my decision everyday

So it's not love you're looking for then?

I really regret the first one, as looking back it was perfect, we were together for 6 years and he had a very well paid job, we would have been very comfortable. I feel like I regret my decision everyday.

If the only thing worth commenting on was their good job then it wasn’t perfect. Living comfortably is nice, but really good relationships need more than that.

There’s a reason your past relationships haven’t worked, but it doesn’t mean there is a problem with you or that you won’t find happiness with someone in the future.

Thanks for all the responses. To be honest I felt at this point that I’d be settled down and happy either married or in a serious relationship. I always had an idea in my head of how I thought things would be, right down to the layout of my ideal house.
I just feel like time is ticking away and I’m going to be alone forever or in and out of a series of ‘non serious’ relationships. It just makes me quite sad.

I mean this very very gently, but are you perhaps giving off that "I am in a rush to get to my dream life so get on board fast" vibe to new people rather than enjoying the first, lighthearted, fun stages of a new relationship? That might be off-putting to new partners.

You obviously are capable of a long term relationship, but I'd stop putting that pressure on any new relationships. Life doesn't work out how we expected - you haven't failed, but by thinking you have you're dooming anything new that comes along by sizing it up against this imaginary dream house and husband you thought you had because it's not there yet. Let new relationships develop at their own pace instead of trying trying make them fit a mould.

Is there anything you learned from previous relationships you can work on (in yourself) or look out for (in someone else) in future?

What do you enjoying giving to a relationship? What do you enjoy putting into it? What are the most valuable and fun aspects of being with someone for you? What are the core shared values you seek?

I think once you know what you have to give and how you want to live your life you attract more like-minded people.

You are still young, and you've been engaged twice, so of course there is a good chance of being married. What sort of man are you looking for? This is what you need to know.

You’re only 31! My sister didn’t meet her partner until her late 30s, 20+ years ago, has two grown up kids and a happy life.

@masterbeth that does make me feel better, thank you.

I think it is always tempting to look back at past RL with some heavy form of Rose tinted specs! You were very young the first time round and it didnt work out .No biggie. We still seem to hang onto this dream of meeting a nice guy comfortably off and so on .Its the 21st C now ,and even if you didnt marry so what? That said I am sure you will meet someone in time .My Cousin married at 44! Try not to come over too eager and let RL develop in due course though.

I really regret the first one, as looking back it was perfect, we were together for 6 years and he had a very well paid job, we would have been very comfortable. I feel like I regret my decision everyday.
How much do you earn? If you're only seeking a partner based on their finances then unless you can hold your own in that regard, you're unlikely to find someone tbh.

DS has only recently met the woman I think will be his life partner. He is 33 and she is 32. He had many dates and short relationships and we were thinking he might not meet the right one. They met online and have been together 10 months, both very happy and joyful to have found each other. Honestly, you are still young! Someone is out there for you.

Hi @Gonebirdwatching I know how you feel, I split with Ex DP in March after 6 years together, he ended things but actually I'm so pleased he did now, our relationship should've ended around 2yrs prior then it actually did.

I'm 34, no kids and really sad about that (although it's slightly more complicated) not sure if I'll ever meet "the one" was engaged when I was 21 but that didn't work out after 5yrs however 30's is still young and whilst I don't actually want anyone else at the moment there is still time, especially for you as you're younger then me