To ask why no one takes me seriously?

[RobynRedhead]

I'm a 40 year old woman who feels like no one takes me seriously.

For example:

I can say something -ignored and dismissed, if my husband says it - it's believed and everyone falls over themselves to do something about it/agree with him

I also have quite a lot of knowledge in a specific area. I often respond to posts on an internet group when questions in this area arise, but find I am frequently ignored. However when a male or two come along and respond, even if they say the same thing I did, everyone takes on board their advice instantly and thanks them

Is this just a male/female unconscious bias thing? Or is it the way I'm putting myself across?

It happens in RL too.

Probably bias but difficult to know without a little more detail?

Change your spelling to Robinred. Though I happen to love your username as is.

• I mean to test the idea out sorry. Pressed send too soon

Male/female definitely at work. However you could at least online say "my experience over X years in Y field is..." You may get some idiots objecting that a mere female dares to claim expertise, but fuck 'em.

Well, does your online username on the board you're talking about indicate your sex, so people know you're female?

And when you say your husband can repeat the same thing you've been ignored on and he'll be thanked and heeded -- who are you both talking to here? Family? Friends?

Does it happen in the workplace?

I work in a predominantly female environment so no I don't get it there.

Husband/me is usually in meetings with schools/professionals

Yes it is clear I am female. Maybe I will change my name and see if I notice a difference!

Definitely change your online name to something that codes male or neutral and see if responses change. And assuming you're not actually throwing yourself around and saying 'I'm mad, me!!!' at meetings with the school or professionals, it is likely to be gender bias. Next time, tell your husband not to say anything, so that you're the one talking.

www.vox.com/first-person/2017/3/17/14950296/sexism-name-switch-tweets

Change your online name to a male one and you'll find a whole new world opens up.
The link above is about a male worker who switched email sign offs with a female co worker and found that the clients treated him like shit which explained why the female worker was apparently underperforming. She however breezed through her work using a male name on her client email interactions.

@OhRene Thanks, I’ve been looking for that.

It’s really common for men to (maybe unconsciously) need confirmation from a man when a woman tells them anything, however expert the woman is. I’ve had this my whole working life. Sometimes they seem not to hear us at all. It’s probably not you, though some women do seem to break through this better than others.

And this is one reason why having to put our bloody pronouns on emails does women no good at all.

"Change your online name to a male one and you'll find a whole new world opens up."

I'm quite torn on this. On the one hand, for goodness sake, it's 2021! We shouldn't have to resort to these tricks to get respect.

On the other: it's 2021 and this ridiculous shit still goes on.

We can only navigate the waters we are in - not the waters we would choose.

(sigh)