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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For wanting more kids after two?

27 replies

Imcrc · 21/05/2021 09:00

So I put this on here mainly for more interaction.
I want to know, what made you decide you were done having children? How many did you have?

I have two lovely daughters. I am content and if I never had anymore I know my life would be full and happy. Also I am thinking and financial and environmental reasons not to have more. Buuuuuuut why cant I stop thinking about having more!! Will I regret it? I think my partner wants a boy but I think I'm physically unable to produce boys and I would love a little netball team lol! Does it can harder after two? I think I love the idea of it more than I would like it in practice. We both said definitely no more after two but I think we are both secretly wanting more.

OP posts:

Threelittlebirds1 · 21/05/2021 09:11

No advice but I feel exactly the same as you op. I have 2 (dd 5, ds3) and up until a year ago I was certain we wouldn't have any more, for the past year having another is all I can think about. The rational part of me knows it's a bad idea - environmental, financial, stressful, spreading myself to thin...but it's hard to accept that I'll never have another baby and I love the idea of 3 as they get older too. DH would like another but is has said no for practical reasons. Like you, I'm worried I will regret not having another but that doesn't seem like a very good reason really! I'm trying to make peace with having no more and focusing on the things we can do as a family of 4 without another child making it difficult/financially not viable!

GreyEyedWitch · 21/05/2021 09:17

No advice, but it's down to your DH's sperm to decide the sex, not you!

1stTimeMama · 21/05/2021 09:20

We always said 2 or 4, number 3 was a surprise, and now we have 5 because I didn't feel done after number 4!
We would still have more now, but age is a factor now.

Original poster

Imcrc · 21/05/2021 11:08

@threelittlebirds1 I could of written what you said word for word! That's exactly how I feel! Ugh I'm so conflicted Haha!

OP posts:

Original poster

Imcrc · 21/05/2021 11:09

@greyeyedwitch I know Haha it's just a joke but I know we would try for a boy and get twin girls Haha! Sods law!

OP posts:

DinosaurDiana · 21/05/2021 11:11

@GreyEyedWitch

No advice, but it's down to your DH's sperm to decide the sex, not you!

Exactly.

Original poster

Imcrc · 21/05/2021 11:12

@1sttimemama we are only 25 so we have time! But I dont know if I want a massive age gap? Like the beauty of having lods so young is that at 40 I will have a 20 year old and a 17 year old! I'll be like cya!! Haha I'm joking but I dont know if I want to spread it out so much? I just so know!! I love the idea of a big brood

OP posts:

DinosaurDiana · 21/05/2021 11:12

I wanted another child but DH said no. So his no trumps my yes.
I’m too old for another now.

Original poster

Imcrc · 24/05/2021 21:57

Bump

OP posts:

BakewellGin1 · 24/05/2021 22:07

If I could realistically afford and have space for a third I would possibly do it... I've loved being a Mammy more so the second time round (as in found it easier not loved second child more), however I am also extremely aware that I would have to go for an elective section due to previous birth injuries.... So I am happy with my two boys but if everything was right I would easily have a third... But I think we have to be done and I can live with that...

If you both want it then I say go for it

OwlinaTree · 24/05/2021 22:13

I sometimes like the idea of a third. I'd love to have another baby/child but don't want another pregnancy!

I don't want to roll the dice tbh. I have two healthy children who are doing really well, although the oldest has a few health issues. I've had two sections after a very traumatic first birth. We are both over 40. So too many chances of another child impacting on the life of the ones I've already got.

HairyToity · 24/05/2021 22:15

Some days we don't cope with the two we've got, so I know we're done.

HaNNaHC92 · 24/05/2021 22:16

I'm 29 and have DS 3 years, DD 21 months and a beautiful DS who is 10 days old. For as long as I remember, since my teen years I've always said I'd like 3 children and then I'd be done. After having DS a few days ago I just thought I'd get that "feeling" in my body and just know I'm done. But, it never came. I know it's early days but I can't bare to think of not being pregnant again in the future and getting to bring a little one into the world again.

NameChange30 · 24/05/2021 22:20

I have always wanted two children, no more. That's what I have and I'm definitely stopping.
So many reasons! I feel it's best for the parents not to be outnumbered by the children From a societal/environmental pov I don't think we should have more than two. From a personal pov, I prefer to focus my resources (time, energy, emotional and financial resources) on the two children I have - I already feel split in two a lot of the time and don't want to spread myself any more thinly.

I did get emotional when I was sorting through the baby clothes to give away. But I think that's normal. Doesn't mean I want another baby.

I will be happy when other people have babies that I can cuddle and give back

NameChange30 · 24/05/2021 22:21

Oh and I HATED pregnancy. Childbirth not particularly fun. And not a fan of sleep deprivation either.

FortniteBoysMum · 24/05/2021 22:26

My youngest is 11 I still want another have done for the past decade but dp doesn't want more. Says we don't have a big enough house. We have 2 boys and technically they could share but dp says they should have own room. It drives me crazy as would love one more but its not even up for discussion. Seems I don't get a say but I'm the one stuck popping a pill daily for the past decade despite the side effects like mood swings. Funny when they don't want more but we are the ones taking the precautions.

Pinetreesfall · 24/05/2021 22:38

No not unreasonable. I have three but big age gap between 1 and 2 and then tiny age gap between numbers 2 and 3.
I am so done with pregnancy, babies and no sleep. Youngest is now 2.5 and life is slowly slowly getting easier.
I know I can't get pregnant but the thought of accidentally becoming pregnant gives me the fear as going through another pregnancy and birth gives me the fear!

Sceptre86 · 24/05/2021 23:11

Dh wanted 3 always, I had difficult births and shut shop after 2. His cousin then had a baby girl and she made me so ridiculously broody, I agreed to try once more. We are now having a 3rd but there will be no more after this baby. I'm 34 so would still have time but I don't want to put myself through it all again. I already feel like I'm pushing my luck.

Countrycode · 24/05/2021 23:50

From a personal pov, I prefer to focus my resources (time, energy, emotional and financial resources) on the two children I have - I already feel split in two a lot of the time and don't want to spread myself any more thinly.

This is what swung it for me too. I have two DDs (3.5 and almost 5). The first couple of years were chaotic what with having them so close together, yet I still couldn't shake the third baby thing. I came from a family of three and had always wanted three.

The reality is different to the fantasy though. My sister and my best friend have three and looking at their lives made me realise it can be pretty hellish! They're spread so thin, never get a break, no one wants to look after three children. It's just too much, well for me it would be anyway. Once my youngest hit three my life seemed to become easier overnight. They now play together, finally sleep well, both at preschool, both do the same activities and I find it easy to manage the both of them in my own in any circumstances (which is necessary as their dad works a LOT). This coincided with the desire for a third dissipating. I think it would be madness to upset the balance now when things are finally quite lovely and enjoyable (I was not a fan of the baby stage).

I do have the occasional "awh" looking at their baby photos but then I remind myself how miserable I found those years and how the cute newborn grows into a toddler!

Sillawithans · 25/05/2021 00:08

When i had my second child 10 months after my first I thought I was done but then I fell pregnant again when she was 6 months old.

fairyannie · 25/05/2021 00:19

I have three children and the thing that stopped us having a fourth was the car!

My husband said that he wouldn't be seen dead driving a people carrier. He hates them.

He went for a vasectomy approximately when our third child was 8 weeks old. I would have happily had more children.

My daughter has three children and has said that's enough - even though they have 2 seven seat cars 😳 Hers are 4yrs, 16 months and 6 months.

MuchTooTired · 25/05/2021 00:30

I’ve got two. I wanted more desperately when my babies were little, but since they turned 2 I’m done. They’re now 3 and a bit, it’s not got any easier and I am still very much done!

I do still wistfully wonder about the two embryos we’ve got in the freezer, and sometimes think of having them transferred, but then the DTs have a fight and I go back to I’M DONE! I worry about what to do with the embryos, and worry I’ll regret not trying for more (I always wanted 4 kids) but don’t think I could cope with having more. I can give my two a better life by not having more.

I get proper emotional when sorting out the outgrown baby things, I had horrible pnd and feel I missed out on so much. In reality I was there 24/7 so didn’t miss a thing, and I just don’t think any more is a good idea for my family.

Sorry for the rambling, it’s a bit more emotive for me than I realised!

andivfmakes3 · 25/05/2021 00:50

I've got 3 including 4 month old twins. I always said I wanted 3. Now I have 3 I can't stop thinking about having one more 🙈 . I can't have children naturally as I lost both tubes to ectopics but I have 2 blastocysts frozen from 5 rounds of IVF. I think because I know they are already "made" and paid for and just in a freezer down the road it's harder to say for definite that I won't ever want to transfer them. At the time I agonised and stressed over having enough blastocysts and now I sort of wish my twins were the last ones as then I'd be at peace with not having any more children....but as it is these 2 final embryos are calling for me to transfer them and give them a chance!

BoomBoomsCousin · 25/05/2021 01:12

I have two. I do think they'd have less good lives if I had more. I was also put off when my two were little watching friends with 3 struggle. They seemed to enjoy their children less, though I think the DC3 were pretty much all unplanned, so that may have made a difference.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/05/2021 01:32

Have another if you want one.
Europeans have done well decreasing birth rates which would be great for the environment if we weren't breeding domesticated pets at an alarming rate, for that reason I'd say go for it I'd rather the longterm benefits of an adult human.
I knew I was done after 2 DC. My 2nd was a difficult DC I did mourn the whole new baby expectations I missed but I've accepted it now.

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