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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get the police involved? (Neighbour dispute)

64 replies

Sienna7657 · 20/05/2021 22:09

Hi All,
I need serious advice.
I have been living in this property (upstairs converted flat) for almost 3 years and my tenancy comes to an end in 2 months time so I will be leaving.
Throughout my entire stay here, my neighbour has been harassing us every couple of months, now even more than before.
I have 2 kids a 2 year old and 1 year old. When my 2 year old initially started to walk, she wrote a letter, stating that her ceiling feels like it's going to come off.
She then stated that I cannot Hoover after a certain time, no washing to be done after the evenings and no banging doors.
A couple of months after that she started complaining that my kids were making too much playing banging noises during the day- stating that it was disrupting her work.
2 months after that she made a formal complaint to my agency. She stated that after 9pm, no noises should be made from the kids as they should be sleeping. My kids sleep before 10pm. This lady has no children, in her 40s and lives alone.
Recently my second child leant how to walk. As soon as he starts walking past 9pm she started banging on our floors for a few mins to get us to be quiet and not walk.
She also banged on our floors in the past during the day as well when my kids were too noisy and playing.
She also bangs her doors multiple times a day- particularly when the kids have been playing noisily during the day.
I'm genuinely scared. AIBU to get the police involved for harassment?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sienna7657 · 20/05/2021 23:11

She has already contacted environmental health. They said they can't do anything about children's noises

OP posts:
terrapintrouble · 20/05/2021 23:14

Love all these people telling you what time your kids should go to bed ! Mine is up early , has a long nap in day else cranky and won't sleep at night and goes to bed at 9pm , 2 years old ! Absolutely no chance will go to sleep at 7 pm as when it has happened they were up all night restless and out of sync and being a parent that has to deal with the broken sleep alone means we don't all stick to these stupid rules of what times kids went to bed in Victorian times !

Notashandyta · 20/05/2021 23:17

Does everything have to end in judging people's parenting???

She needs to not live in a downstairs flat if she can't put up with a bit of noise.

Sorry, cause its hard having two tiny ones, without having to worry about noise. Hang in there, nearly done.

I'd be tempted to do a fair old bit of banging the last couple of nights I was there...

Notashandyta · 20/05/2021 23:18

Contacted environmental noise people Grin

JustWonderingIfYou · 20/05/2021 23:22

Your kids need more sleep. 1&2year old should be sleeping 12-14 hours a day. 7-7 with a 2 hour nap is probably the average. Single mum to two toddlers, why don't you want nice peaceful evenings? Put them to bed earlier, stop disturbing your neighbour.

CrazyCatsAndKittens · 20/05/2021 23:24

I’ve lived in flats before and you have to expect daily living noise. She’s being completely unreasonable. Personally, I would just bang back when she bangs. If you want to discuss it with the police and see what they say, you are within your rights but I doubt she will escalate. Good luck with your move. I bet you can’t wait!

BigHeadBertha · 20/05/2021 23:24

We’ve been both the upstairs people and the downstairs people and I think they build the apartment buildings too damn cheap and it’s not your fault or hers but the builders. It should be illegal to force people to live inder those conditions just so the builder can save a little money. When we lived in a two story house with our kids bedrooms and play atea upstairs, we didn’t have any noise problems because the house was built as it should have been.

CrazyCatsAndKittens · 20/05/2021 23:25

@JustWonderingIfYou

Your kids need more sleep. 1&2year old should be sleeping 12-14 hours a day. 7-7 with a 2 hour nap is probably the average. Single mum to two toddlers, why don't you want nice peaceful evenings? Put them to bed earlier, stop disturbing your neighbour.
Confused

I doubt the OP is forcing her kids to stay awake for the sake of it. Some kids need less sleep. Mine never went to bed at 7pm.

Summerfun54321 · 20/05/2021 23:54

Shock horror some children don’t need the textbook 12 hours! To comment on the OP’s children’s bedtimes is totally irrelevant. Of course anyone (baby or adult) can walk around after 9pm. Surely when she moved into a ground floor flat she’d think about noise from upstairs. What a silly woman. Doubt I’d bother calling the police though if you’re moving out.

LongTimeMammaBear · 21/05/2021 08:25

Unfortunately, living in converted flats often come with noise issues due to poor sound proofing. The noise may well be very loud for your neighbour and being the children are walking around more than say an adult would, will result in more noise. But that is life living in the flat where you are.

You’re moving in 8 weeks. Just stick it out. Ignore her as best you can, particularly as (hopefully) better weather is in the way and you can spend time with your DC outside which in turn gives your neighbour a break from the noise.

Now you’re forewarned about noise from children in flats. Are you looking at ground floor flats or making enquiries about noise insulation where you’re going?

Years ago, we lived in a converted flat. We had a lot of noise complaints from neighbour below - every day noise. Also had requests about hoovering, washing machine and the noise of our DS. As we could hear the guy below peeing early morning, we understood. Didn’t help he was a baker and had hugely different hours to us. We added a runner over the hall carpet, area rug in the living room over the carpet and I put my washing on before I left for work rather than in the evening when I came home from work but told the man nothing I could do about the hoovering as with young child and working full time, I had to clean when needed and that was after work and weekends. When we moved, we did not have an upstairs flat again.

drpet49 · 21/05/2021 08:31

** Why are people passing judgement on the OP regarding her kids bed time.
That is neither here nor there.

Also children walking around or even running around is reasonable noise.**

^This. OP you feel scared and threatened. I would make a report with the police.

StatisticallyChallenged · 21/05/2021 08:31

My 2 year old never goes to bed early. She still naps most days but even when she skips it she isn't ready to sleep until 9 at least. Up at 6.30ish.

Her big sister was a 7-7 baby from about 6 weeks old.

If I tried to put her down at 6.30 the neighbours would know all about noise as she'd scream the house down.

Sunbird24 · 21/05/2021 08:44

Why are you scared she might do something dangerous? If she’s only banged on your ceiling a few times and given you unwanted comments about your DC, that doesn’t immediately shout possible violent neighbour.
Does she know you’re moving out? If not I’d tell her, maybe she’d be more tolerant if she knew whatever is bugging her had an end date? Of course whoever replaces you could be way louder but that’s not your problem!

KidneyBeans · 21/05/2021 08:46

@JustWonderingIfYou

Your kids need more sleep. 1&2year old should be sleeping 12-14 hours a day. 7-7 with a 2 hour nap is probably the average. Single mum to two toddlers, why don't you want nice peaceful evenings? Put them to bed earlier, stop disturbing your neighbour.
You either aren't very good at maths or don't understand averages. How can 14 hours be average when it's the top of your recommended range?
JocastaNu · 21/05/2021 08:56

@JustWonderingIfYou

Your kids need more sleep. 1&2year old should be sleeping 12-14 hours a day. 7-7 with a 2 hour nap is probably the average. Single mum to two toddlers, why don't you want nice peaceful evenings? Put them to bed earlier, stop disturbing your neighbour.
Hahahaha could you explain that to my eldest please? Nearly 9 and he has NEVER adhered to the recommended amount of sleep for his age.

You realise that an AVERAGE means that there will be some children who require a lot less and some children who require a lot more right? That's kind of what makes it "average."

OP: Start keeping a diary and if things do then escalate you can contact the police with your records.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 21/05/2021 09:14

It doesn’t sound as though any of the noise you’re making is unreasonable and definitely doesn’t warrant a complaint to the council. She needs to find a detached house in the middle of nowhere by the sounds of it, she clearly just dislikes having neighbours and a flat is most definitely not for her. The council aren’t interested in any noise from small children because it’s to be expected, likewise washing machines and vacuum cleaners.

Tossblanket · 21/05/2021 09:17

Please don't waste the police's time with this.

It's not a police matter.

LaBellina · 21/05/2021 09:22

Going against the grain here but this lady sounds like the type of neighbor that would make anyone’s life hell, no matter who lives there and regardless of how little noise they’d make, she would find something. I mean how much noise can a 1 year old make who’s just learning to walk Confused.

I would definitely report her to the police for harassment (in fact, you should have done this a long time ago I think) to protect the next tenant. I have had such neighbor in the past, the people who lived before me in my flat did not tell me and I only found out after she started harassing me too and my sweet next door neighbor told me that she did that to everyone that she had fallen out with every neighbor and I shouldn’t take it personally.

Guavaf1sh · 21/05/2021 09:26

I also think getting the police involved would send a message to her that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable and she is in the wrong. It will help the next tenants after you too to have had the troll under the bridge dealt with

0hforfoxsake · 21/05/2021 09:31

I would absolutely ignore her.

You’re moving soon.

She sounds like a pain in the arse. Be civil, be kind. Maybe drop a bunch of flowers in with a ‘sorry if my family disturb you, it isn’t intentional’ note.

And completely ignore her moaning.

JorisBonson · 21/05/2021 09:37

@Tossblanket

Please don't waste the police's time with this.

It's not a police matter.

100% this.

Also, it doesn't matter if she has children or not, childfree people enjoy quiet too.

MizMoonshine · 21/05/2021 09:52

PPs... Sorry do the kids have a job to go to? If they're up at 7, have a nap and go to sleep at 10 they're getting around 10 hours sleep. Not every child sleeps on the same schedule.

I don't think you have any reason to be scared, OP. But you do need to have a conversation with your neighbour. Explain that what she's doing as harassment. Tell her you've made note of all of her actions and you will go to the police if she doesn't stop.

RB68 · 21/05/2021 09:58

buy the kids tap shoes...you only have two months to go

OrangeRug · 21/05/2021 10:00

You're leaving soon - just ride it out. I can sympathise with both sides here - I know how frustrating it can be having neighbours with noisy kids but from your point of view you must have a really hard time with three young kids and it's not always easy getting them to sleep.

Flowerlane · 21/05/2021 10:04

@JustWonderingIfYou

Your kids need more sleep. 1&2year old should be sleeping 12-14 hours a day. 7-7 with a 2 hour nap is probably the average. Single mum to two toddlers, why don't you want nice peaceful evenings? Put them to bed earlier, stop disturbing your neighbour.
What a ridiculous post!

Idiot!

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