When did life become a matter of just getting through the days?

[Brookeslassy]

It has dawned on me that my life now is just a constant cycle of work, work, work and I spend 75% of my time wishing the week away desperately waiting for Friday.

Friday comes and I have the respite of 1-1.5 days to do what I want before the Sunday blues set in and I'm no good to anyone again.

Is this all there is to life??? I know the answer to that is no but I can't seem to shake myself out of this rut.

When I think back to my teenage years (not THAT long ago, believe it or not) I never remember this overwhelming sense of wishing my life away. I used to get up at 6am every day, leave for school at 7:30am, hour on the bus each way, a full day of school finishing at 4:30pm followed by the after school tea, then whatever EC activity I was into at the time - drama, netball etc - , bus home again, homework dinner, TV and bed. I literally barely had time to breathe but I never remember feeling low, depressed or even tired out by all the constant running around.

Weekends were even better - sleep in until 10:30am and then friends would come over and we'd get ready together to meet whichever spotty-faced young lothario we were into at the ice-rink or cinema in the afternoon, probably hang out at someone's house in the evening drinking WKD's or Bacardi Breezers listening to music. We'd already have planned out our entire outfits at school that week and created a timetable of exactly how long we would need to get ready.

God I took it all for granted! That feeling of being excited by life, always having something to look forward to, the sense of anticipation.

What I wouldn't give now to be that deliriously happy at the thought of a simple trip to the cinema again!

I feel like I'm wasting years of my life just getting through the working day only to find myself completely lacking energy or drive in the evening to do anything of value. TV, internet, cleaning, walk the dog....is this it?

Should we have designed some kind of compulsory extra-curricular evening schedule for adults that continues after school-age, as some of us clearly can't be trusted to do anything of real value with our free time?

I don’t know but I’ll happily join your club if I’m allowed?

It’s not so much work for me, but other things that mean life feels a bit ‘meh’ without much chance of those things changing any time soon. The past year has really not helped!

Find something to do that excites you!!!!!

I could have written this post. The other problem with ‘extra curricular’ after work is I’m just too tired and it becomes another chore. Nothing excites me apart from holidays which are at most 3/4 weeks a year!

I’m not sure what the answer is - is this it until retirement?!

This is so true

You need a hobby that you love. Once you make the commitment to something, you get the drive to continue it!

If you want excitement you have to lok for it.

Affairs, tinder, am dram, night classes, things outside of your family.

I think we had a sense of our 'village' in our teens. We knew eachother, the spaces, had structure keeping us all together and we listened to the same music and enjoyed our closeness without social media or even the internet sapping away the freedom and contentment of life. Things change. I yearn for that village feeling of familiarity but it dissipated twenty years ago. I don't know what the answer is. Settle and grow in a new setting, build roots with the locality, let the every day become exciting again because of new cherished links. I've been too busy to work on it too, but want to make a concerted effort now.

Chihuahuacat this is exactly it, if anyone tried to tell me I had to do a sports class and study after a full day of work now with a view to enjoying it now I'd tell them to get out! Anything else tagged onto the end of the day absolutely feels like a chore.

CreamOrange never thought of it like that but you make a good point. I like the idea of making the little things exciting again. We definitely don't have any real sense of our community here - no local friends or connections, no social calendar, no pals to pop in and out of eachother's houses with.

Without social media I suppose in many ways my world was smaller then than it is now and yet it never felt empty. I never felt disconnected in the same way that I do now, I felt completely anchored.

You choose your life to a large degree. Now you have noticed something is wrong/missing, make a plan to change it!

Agree, I think the option of popping in to a friends house is one of the biggest things I miss!

@lughnasadh

If you want excitement you have to lok for it.

Affairs, tinder, am dram, night classes, things outside of your family.

You're advocating affairs?

@Diggingaholeformyself

Mumsnet constantly tell everyone to "LTB" so they can have some drama in their lives, so why the heck not!

Stitched I'm just too lazy to have a affair no matter how challenging a relationship is.

I could have written this a few months ago. In fact I had a proper nervous breakdown a year ago. I was just overwhelmed with how mundane and repetitive life was. Working with two young children. It was all so overwhelmingly boring and negative.

The two things that have literally changed/saved my life, getting my dog (i see you have a dog and find it a chore to walk so this is just my example) walking my dog, meeting friends on dog walks, making games for my dog etc is my hobby and I love it. Just been for a 2 hour rainy walk while dh put the kids to bed. Bliss.

And changing jobs I sat and thought really hard what can I do with my degree/qualifications that will feed my soul (I was working as a child protection sw before). Started a new job recently and have never felt this way about any job in my whole life, I genuinely enjoy Mondays and getting up for work. It excites me. I'm off today and I'm actually looking forward to going back.

As a consequence of those 2 things I now how the energy to reconnect with friends and visit family more. I have made a conscious effort now I feel good to make calls and texts and arrange activities with people. It helps that restrictions are easing.

If your job is not feeding your soul and you are waiting each day to leave at 5pm, start there and change it....the rest will follow. No point in spending 40 hours a week miserable.

I did include paragraphs but they disappeared sorry

Your post really resonates with me and my life now seems to be work, home and repeat.
I look forward to the weekends and think I will do x, y,and z, but in fact I rarely end up doing anything. Partly of course due to the pandemic but also partly due to lack of motivation when the weekend actually comes around.
My teenage life and beyond sounds very much like yours, always with friends and just getting on with life and enjoying myself without actually giving time or the future much though.
Perhaps it is an energy or and age thing or even overthinking...., but I rarely have any get up and go or spur of the moment thing going on.

Same here. Unfortunately I have no advise. Rest assured there are others in the same boat.
Finding something you love obviously should help improve your mood - but to achieve that you need time and motivation to get up and actually do it.
Sadly i am lacking both 😪 so i will be stuck in this negative shit for a while.
I hope you find a way out and focus on yourself xx

I know it is hard when you feel tired, but there really is a lot of truth in the thinking that the more you do, the more energy you gain from it.

I know there is some medical backing to that when it is a sport or some exercise (which would be great, but isn't for everyone), but when you find your "thing" - hobby, volunteering, club, group, whatever - then it really does give you a buzz.

I think that is why this last year has been so hard - with everything transferring on line, you move from looking at the laptop for work, to looking at the laptop for whatever your hobby was and looking at the laptop for your social life, and there isn't enough difference.

Remember, a change is a good as a rest. You just have to find your 'thing'

It's just lockdown year. Life has flattened. It will return.

I agree with Octopus. It's the lockdown. Prior to that l worked full time , raised 3 dc, ran around to their activities, raced to the gym, visited family, met friends, went browsing in shops, went to night activities, volunteered etc etc. Now l barely make it to work, home to sit on couch for the evening barely managing a walk sometimes. I do not know where l got the energy before and couldn't imagine ever doing it all again. But it's the momentum that keeps you going. Once l stopped due to lockdown l have lost that and actually decided to retire as felt l cannot just work and feel so exhausted..l am that age but had no intention of retiring as l love my job. Its the fall out from lockdown and its not nice.
I do wonder will l ever take up doing things again and it frightens me a bit for retirement.

Lockdown and this weather isn’t helping! But I do think being more active helps, getting a hobby and also being physically more active because you do build up more energy rather than finishing work, sorting dinner then slumping. I think what you said about anything being tacked into the end of the day feeling like a chore gets towards the heart of it. You didn’t see it that way as a teen. So why not connect with some activities and see it as something fun to try rather than a chore?

Obviously not as easy with things being closed but there are a lot of online clubs or classes or activities you could try - why not set yourself a challenge to try a couple of new things a month and see if any excite you? As for studying I think looking at it like it’s studying is also giving it a negative value - surely there are things you’re interested in? Philosophy, history, how the first men got up to the moon? Anything that sparks interest really - you can get podcasts or audiobooks or documentaries - really with the internet the choice is yours.