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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I absolutely hate the people I work with

23 replies

Anon6513 · 20/05/2021 17:18

I don’t want to leave my job I just need to vent! I don’t work Wednesdays and when I come back into work on Thursdays a particular colleague stresses me out. I’ve spoken about him before under a different name in regards to his boundary issues and contacting me at home. I have blocked him so don’t get any messages anymore.

Today I walked in very positive and determined this Thursday will be different and I won’t let him or anyone stress me! He corners me literally as I walk in and starts asking if I’ve done “x, y, z” as someone coming around to check this! I obviously had no idea what he’s talking about as I don’t attend the trainings on Wednesday so I asked others but at this point I was frantic and panicked by him. The other colleagues told me to just quickly google and add it on. I was panicking and I could see they were kind of taking the piss out of me. I was moaning that I shouldn’t be expected to work like this with intense pressure all the time. I had one person say to me “well go full time then!” Firstly it’s not my choice as job was advertised for part time and secondly I have young kids and need to work part time. Another colleague says it’s “entertaining” when I have a panic attack.

In the end no one came to check and it didn’t matter if I did the thing or not. I spoke to manager who laughed and said well of course you’re not expected to get x,y,z done as you weren’t here!

I’m really pissed off at the colleague who does this. I’m sure he’s trying to be helpful but often he adds stress to me and if I hadn’t known about that thing nothing would have been different but by him telling me I was panicked the whole day incase someone comes to talk to me.

How shall I tackle this? I don’t want to give too many details but my job is not affected by x,y,z task that had to be done today, it had no impact think of it as little activities they get asked to do after a training session. The sessions are not really relevant to me as I’ve done this job for years and I catch up with what was missed during my lunch on Thursday so if anything important was discussed in training meeting I find out later on in the day. I absolutely hate this colleague who stresses me our every Thursday morning and I hate the others who laugh at my panic. Seriously if tables were turned I would say “of course you’re not expected to get that activity done as you weren’t here!”

I can’t cope with this. I’m sat here now really upset and embarrassed that people probably think I’m crazy as I was running like a headless chicken asking everyone what that task was as I was made to feel I had to do it even though I didn’t know about it. I can’t carry in like this anymore I should mentally be here and present with my little kids (all under 5 years old)

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 20/05/2021 17:20

In future, go straight to your manager for clarification.

TylluanBach · 20/05/2021 17:23

Call him out on it.In front of everybody.

PermanentTemporary · 20/05/2021 17:23

Breathe...

Do you trust your line manager?

Don't worry about anything you haven't been asked to do by your line manager. If somebody mentions something to you, get going on your day and read your messages. If it's not mentioned, then it's probably not needed. Trust your manager to update you on what they need you to do.

I have a colleague I find really difficult. It gets to me and I am careful around her: over a year or so I've managed to change my work location so that I don't work directly on the same site. This is really helping me. The comments about part time etc sound really upsetting and you can keep a diary of them if you like, as they may be creating a discriminatory environment, but you actually don't have to respond to them. They may think they are being funny. The less you respond, the better.

RampantIvy · 20/05/2021 17:23

I'm so sorry that you work with some awful people.

I agree that you need to talk to your line manager, and you definitely need to tell them about the colleague who finds your panic attacks "entertaining"

I hope tomorrow is better for you Flowers

Flowers500 · 20/05/2021 17:25

You know this colleague is a worrier so just ignore their crap. You can’t ignore what other people say to you but you can verify and just do you job.

Your colleagues are laughing because both you and your colleague are being ridiculous.

Dishwashersaurous · 20/05/2021 17:25

Schedule ten minutes with your manager at the start of Thursday so that you can catch up on what you missed.

Flowers500 · 20/05/2021 17:26

If you’re at the point of having panic attacks I work something has gone majorly wrong here.

Janaih · 20/05/2021 17:32

As the saying goes, you can't change your colleague(s), you can only change your reaction to them.
Keep your interaction with them to the absolute bare minimum.
This sort of thing used to really piss me off when I was part time. Frequently reminded colleagues I got part time pay for my part time hours.

mumonthehill · 20/05/2021 17:34

The minute he starts, you say very calmly that you have just arrived, you are going to take 10 minutes to log on and check your emails and you will come and see him when you are ready. You do not panic or worry and you say this every time he tries to do this to you. You then highlight to your manager that if there are urgent tasks that need completing you need to be told in a professional manner.

DogsSausages · 20/05/2021 17:42

Your manager needs to deal with this, you should not feel afraid of going into work or feel stressed or ridiculed. Good advice to schedule 10mins every Thursday for a catch up with your manager. Perhaps he could go to so the manager can witness his behaviour. How long have you worked there. Is Mr Twit a manager or a colleague, why is he allowed to tell you what to do.

Meowchickameowmeow · 20/05/2021 17:45

The sessions are not really relevant to me as I’ve done this job for years and I catch up with what was missed during my lunch on Thursday so if anything important was discussed in training meeting I find out later on in the day

Why can't you just say this to him? Why are you panicking and so stressed out by a job you've done for years? Go to HR if he's continually making you feel this bad.

PastaLaVistaBBY · 20/05/2021 18:27

@VettiyaIruken

In future, go straight to your manager for clarification.
Exactly this
cabingirl · 20/05/2021 18:44

Is he a peer colleague or a line manager?

You need a stronger boundary with your colleagues - and a little more self-contained presence of mind.

Practice saying: "Thank you for letting me know" and then ignoring them. If they try to raise a panic out of you - just smile and shrug.

"Thank you for letting me know. I'll check with [line manager] in a moment as soon as I have logged in"

"Thank you for letting me know. I'll take a look in a moment"

"Interesting. I can't wait to read my emails to see if applies to me too"

Also - separately, work on your own reactions to external stressors, you shouldn't be having a panic attack on a regular basis in work.

Have you ever tried the Decatastrophizing - What If technique?

Take yourself quickly through the scenario.

  • What if I don't do x,y, z straight away?
  • Someone comes to check and sees it isn't done - what will they do?
  • They might yell at me, criticize me
  • What if they do?
  • It will make me feel bad.
  • What if you immediately explain that you don't work on Wednesday so haven't had the training yet?
  • They will get me the training info, and or tell me it doesn't matter.

The idea is that you get to the worst-case scenario and realise you can deal with it.

Notaroadrunner · 20/05/2021 18:54

Arrive into the office on your phone until you sit down (pretend you're on a call to anyone). Once you are seated, go about your business - log on, open an email, whatever it is you do for work. If he comes near you once you're seated you can more or less ignore him as you are now starting your days work. Just say you need to get on with a,b,c and haven't time for a chat. He has no right to corner you and make you feel uncomfortable. Unless he's a superior and you are answerable to him, just brush him off.

DamnShesaSexyChick · 20/05/2021 19:12

Why did you panic? You and him both need to work on your comprehension skills to realise that of course this did not apply to you.

DeusEx · 20/05/2021 19:15

@mumonthehill

The minute he starts, you say very calmly that you have just arrived, you are going to take 10 minutes to log on and check your emails and you will come and see him when you are ready. You do not panic or worry and you say this every time he tries to do this to you. You then highlight to your manager that if there are urgent tasks that need completing you need to be told in a professional manner.
This is really good advice
Whattodo121 · 20/05/2021 19:22

I was moaning that I shouldn’t be expected to work like this with intense pressure all the time.

It all sounds extremely dramatic, with panicking and stress and moaning about things. What kind of job do you do?

Oblomov21 · 20/05/2021 19:22

Why are you letting him give you a panic attack. Sort that first, don't let him unnerve you in this way.

Voomster953 · 20/05/2021 19:47

I don’t think I really understand what has happened. But your flappy colleague has form, right? So if you’ve been there years you know your job, surely? Also I think you need to work on calming down a bit and getting a handle on things. Running around and having a panic attack over something a colleague said is not very healthy or usual.

MinnieJackson · 20/05/2021 20:38

That's horrible. Panic attacks are awful and can come on from the smallest things. If you suffer a lot of them at work, just being in the place can be triggering in my experience. Saying your obvious distress is 'entertaining ' is just cruel. I agree with the what if technique, it does really help me. Is he your manager?

SisterAgatha · 20/05/2021 20:42

If it matters - “Give me a moment to find out for you”

If it doesn’t - “we don’t need to have this conversation, I’m quite busy so please let me get on”

If you don’t know if it matters - no1

Brefugee · 20/05/2021 21:07

You have to behave like a grown-here and say "look, I've just arrived, I'm going to check my mails and if i have any questions I'll ask"

and to anything else he or anyone else says until you're ready to work, just tell them to leave you alone.

Mireena · 06/09/2024 17:29

Just found this thread and OML. So I work in a warehouse. Im the only woman working on the floor the rest are in the office. But I actually get on with 99.9 percent of my coworkers. They are pretty chill and just want to get done and go home. But there is this one guy...this one fucking guy. He hates me and I have no idea why, from the first day I didnt really speak to him because he walks around with a sour puss face and has zero concepts of boundaries or common courtesy. Hes an all-around impolote cunt that is so rude even to the supervisor. The guy makes me so uncomfortable and nervous that I tend to make mistakes around him. Nothing major but if im not doing everything perfectly all of the time he will groan or try to boss me around. I am close to choking the fucker out but i dont feel like going to prison right now.

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