A new start?

[bethmc93]

Hi everyone. I posted recently regarding my abusive partner and after admitting to myself that he is abusive I have started taking steps to rebuild my life. We exist parallel together so I am virtually free to do what I want. I’ve began to start taking better care of myself. I am a student nurse however deferred after I gave birth and I’m ready to get back down to it this year.

I am making plans to leave and finally be set free. My only issue is I want to completely leave my old life behind, move to a new city, new house, new everything. I am aware this is somewhat erratic thinking which I never usually have, has anyone who’s left an abusive person, be it partner, family or friend, had the urge to do this? Or even actually done it?

Thank you xxx

Congratulations on your determination to get away from him and start afresh, op.

I haven't been in your position but a friend of mine had the same desire as you when she left her abusive partner. I think its quite a normal reaction tbh.

I'd take it one step at a time and do it sensibly, so that you're not starting again in a vulnerable position. Don't cut ties completely with your friends, if for no other reason then I think this could leave you vulnerable to falling for another abuser.

Make sure that you retain your support and friendship circle, so that you are embracing the new in your life rather than running away from the old, which is a surefire way to repeat old patterns.

I left a mentally abusive relationship and did move away from where we lived but I moved closer to friends.

I hated where he lived and was so happy to leave and on the plus side I felt sure I wouldn't bump into him.

I did find having friends close by helped with setting up my life again and having support.

This isn't for everyone but I couldn't afford a flat so went into a house share and the two other girls had just left partners so it was so nice to live with people who were all single. Especially as most of my friends were married/having babies.

So a brand new start is great but a support network is important

I did it 19 months ago, new house (rented), new area, new job. Started from nothing. Love my little town, real community spirit, made a few friends both through work and community. Cut myself free from my previous life completely. The first few months are hard, but essentially you are in recovery mode. Took about a year to feel 'settled'.