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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to meet strangers/potential new friends for lunch?

40 replies

NotMeItsYou · 20/05/2021 12:20

I want to expand my social circle and joined a (women only) app for meeting new people in my area. It's a bit like Tinder how you swipe and chat, and you can also arrange get togethers. I joined a week ago and a woman has arranged a casual lunch at a local cafe for the weekend, and two others have said they're going. I want to push myself out of my comfort zone and go along and meet new people, but the introvert part of me wants to stay indoors and be content with the tiny friendship group I already have Grin. I think WFH for a year means I've lost all face to face social skills and I feel boring, plus now seem to overthink any social situation to within an inch of its life Hmm

Any tips/advice? Should I go or not go? HELP!
YABU - Don't go - this sounds terribly cringe
YANBU - Get your ass out there

OP posts:
FishintheStream · 20/05/2021 12:22

Worst case scenario it's a bit awkward and you have to stick it out for the minimum socially acceptable time then leave. Best case, you meet some lovely new friends!

Sally872 · 20/05/2021 12:22

Good for you. Go and enjoy it. If they aren't your kind of people don't see them again. Chances are you will have a nice time.

TheQueef · 20/05/2021 12:22

Go on.
What's the worst that can happen?

ShirleyPhallus · 20/05/2021 12:22

Go. Absolutely go. The worst that happens is that you don’t have much in common with them and never have to see them again.

Maybe think of a few things to talk about in advance if you’re nervous though. Questions about them - background, what do they do for work, hobbies, holidays etc etc

mightbealittlebitmad · 20/05/2021 12:33

I used an app similar and had a lot of mum dates. They were all lovely but we just didn't quite click but I kept going and found my absolute soulmate of a friend and can't imagine not knowing her now. We are practically the same person and can tell each other anthing without fear of judgement.

I met another good friend on there too who happens to have a child in my son's year at the same school. She's become a good friend over the years and I'm glad I found her.

It is daunting doing friend dates, I found 1:1 easier than groups but I went on a couple of slightly bigger outings which ended up being fun and a good way to spend some time.

ScottishNewbie · 20/05/2021 12:39

Ooh, are you allowed to mention the app?
I am a really big introvert and don't have any friends at all in the UK. I know I need to push myself to meet people for my mental health...but it causes me so much anxiety.
I feel like id rather stay home with the cats lol

EnidPrunehat · 20/05/2021 12:42

Go. I decided, somewhere between the lockdowns, that I'd be a great deal better about actually going out to meet new people outside my smaller social circle. Only I've always found it really easy, as something of an introverted extrovert, to overthink my involvement in what are basically simple social outings. So I'd go. If the company doesn't really suit you then you've lost nothing.

FizzyPink · 20/05/2021 12:42

I used to use MeetUp to do this. Yes there were a couple of occasions where they just weren’t my kind of people but I also met my closest group of girlfriends through it so I say go for it.

coodawoodashooda · 20/05/2021 12:44

I need something like that in my life. I'm good at pretending to be an extrovert but it does sound a bit scary.

squee123 · 20/05/2021 12:46

I did something similar four years ago and one of the women I met is now one of my best friends. Do it!

Summertime21 · 20/05/2021 12:59

Go, you may enjoy it if not you don't see them again. I would like to try something like this I didn't know friendship apps were a thing

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/05/2021 13:01

I did this with some people I met on MN and they are now really really good friends.

Terrazzo · 20/05/2021 13:01

Ooh which app? Need it!

VeganVeal · 20/05/2021 13:02

Unless you are both introvert, in which you can sit and look at each other for an hour

emmathedilemma · 20/05/2021 13:02

Go! If there's food involved and a menu to choose from that's always a good ice breaker for conversation.

Palavah · 20/05/2021 13:04

Go.

We are all out of practice. Maybe take 5 minutes to remind yourself of how you like to behave when you meet new people. Sounds incredibly basic but if you were eg going to play tennis or play the piano after a long hiatus you'd practice a bit beforehand.

Have fun.

RoseDelatour · 20/05/2021 13:07

I’ve made a few really lovely real life friends through Mumsnet. Definitely go to the lunch. You may not click and want to follow up after, but there’s also a chance you’ll find shared interest and have a good time

problembottom · 20/05/2021 13:17

I think push yourself and go. Just remember people will be too busy thinking and worrying about themselves to analyse you in any great detail. Asking questions is always good, most people love talking about themselves.

I moved to a new area and knew no-one apart from DP. Made friends in very random ways looking back. You do have to put yourself out there a bit. Good luck!

Didicat · 20/05/2021 13:19

I too would love to know what this app is

Dizzywizz · 20/05/2021 13:32

I didn’t know this was a thing! I should push myself and do this too, but it does sound a bit scary. Let us know how it goes!!

Original poster
NotMeItsYou · 20/05/2021 13:34

It’s called ‘Hey! Vina’ and it’s free to have a basic profile and to swipe/chat/arrange meet-ups.

Thanks for all the comments encouraging me to go! I’m still bricking it but swaying more to actually going along now.

OP posts:
DinoHat · 20/05/2021 13:34

I used an app like this when I moved to a new city for work.

It was a good idea. The only thing I would say is I was targeted by an MLM rep who spent months reeling me in and faking a friendship before asking me to “help with her business venture”!

Overdueanamechange · 20/05/2021 13:40

Its a brilliant idea - go!
A single lady I know (mum of a friend, quite shy) joined a local Facebook which was set up by a lady who had recently moved here from Poland. She knew no one and posted on our local community group asking about making friends, joining clubs etc. Lots of respondents were in the same boat (locals, newcomers alike) so they set up a friendship page. My friend then complained that her mother was never in, either meeting new friends at the cinema, for coffee, meals out. It was fabulous pre covid, so I hope for them they start up again.

Moiraroseswigs · 20/05/2021 13:44

Go for it! I met two of my close friends through something similar over 10 years ago. Also met some other nice people that I was friendly with for a while and lost touch with, but two really stuck. I'm quite introverted and on my way to the first meet up was wondering what the hell I was doing and nearly backed out. I'm so glad I didn't.

The first few minutes were a bit awkward but fine after that and I met one of my now friends at the first meet up. That one have me a bit of courage so I went to a few more and met my other friend. There were other people I didn't really click with but that's to be expected.

Best of luck!

Lipz · 20/05/2021 14:00

Definitely go. I understand being nervous but there will be a few of you there so the conversation won't go quiet, there'll always be someone speaking and if you feel you don't have anything to say about something it won't look weird sitting there nodding. I find when meeting new people when I just say I'm feeling nervous, out of practice etc, it breaks the ice and 9 times out of 10 they are feeling the exact same. Go, enjoy.