Childcare arrangements over summer with other half

[whatkatydid2013]

I think my husband is being an arse but he thinks I'm being unreasonable and that I think his job is unimportant and is in a horrendous mood over a falling out earlier this morning.

I asked husband for a list of all the dates he is not able to do the kid's school pick up as he's out at clients so I can sort wrap around. He gave me a list of dates in June and then added he's also booked in 7 days over 2 weeks in the school holidays and can't do pick up or drop off. I then said but those are the exact weeks the kids are booked into a club and we agreed I do drop off (at 10) & you do pick up (at 3). Could you not have booked the appointments in another week or checked with me first? He's now had a massive rant about how it's only 12 days out of the whole year he can't do pick up and I travelled all over with my job and he just had to sort it out and I don't respect his job and think it should all just fit around me. I've said I think he's being wholly unreasonable and that the two are really not comparable as when I travelled the kids were in childcare 8am-6pm two days, 9am-whenever he got back to dinner cooked by my parents two days and 9am-3pm on a Friday, when he was only working a half day Friday. I always said if there was a week he couldn't manage I could discuss booking additional hours of childcare and expensing or ultimately not go. By comparison he's agreed with me at start of April the kids would go to these clubs and we would manage by one of us doing drop off and the other pick up. Either he already had these clients booked in when he agreed this and he's made a mistake or within 6 weeks of making the agreement he's booked in clients over the same dates and left me to do both, which I can't without taking half days.

I appreciate he's been really flexible in managing the kids on his own multiple times when I've had to travel with work and that I was away a lot in the 18 months preceding the pandemic. I honestly don't see why that makes it ok for him to arrange something that means I can't work a full day without having to agree to do evenings or similar without discussing it with me first. I don't expect him to change it at this point but am I being unreasonable to think he should acknowledge he ought to have checked with me first and say he's sorry he didn't (or admit he forgot those were the weeks we had booked the club)? I'm mainly just venting but he was so adamant I've done something wrong by being irritated and saying he should have asked first that I'm almost doubting myself. I hate how irritable being stuck working at home for so long has made me.

He has booked in the meetings with clients so he sorts out the childcare issues.

You had an arrangement made since April. He has now organised client meetings that clash with his pick up times. Therefore you tell him that he has to sort it. Don't even suggest that you take time off. It's his issue to sort now.

I have no objection to being flexible. I really really don't. I have always said in term time if he has to book a client meeting to just let me know and I can work around it but in term time kids are always in 8-3 so I just need to get up early and work 5:30-7 or get them in afternoon wrap around. I object to being told I'm unreasonable & don't respect his job because I'm irritated with him for booking in those two specific weeks when we have such limited childcare options in the school holidays. If those are the only weeks his client can do we will have to work around it somehow as regardless of the fact I agree he should sort it out but realistically he can't do anything except ask me to do it unless he cancels or reschedules. The options for holiday clubs are limited locally and only available some weeks & we can't use my parents as they are already helping other weeks. Hence in part why I'm so irritated as if he'd booked the audits in weeks 2 & 4 then the kids were due to stay over at my parents Monday-Tuesday and Thursday-Friday and I'm due to be off on the Wednesdays. He's taking time off week 5 & we are away on holiday week 6.

Oh no, the woman bot is malfunctioning! Don’t you know that this is your job, and he’s being massively, massively amazing to ever take on any of the pick ups and drop offs of his own children? He’s helped you already when most men wouldn’t, yet you’re not grateful?

Honestly OP, women don’t get a pat on the back for dropping off their own children when their husband is working away, it’s just expected. It’s no different for him.

Agree with PP that if this is the agreement made then he really should have had this sorted, or at least had a sit down to arrange a new arrangement that suits you both.

He should have it in mind, or marked in a calendar, when the tricky times are, ans appreciate the logistics himself.

I guess thats “wife work”….

Sorry I had to vote YABU as your arrangements, current and historic, are so convoluted...