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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Travelling nanny SEN ?

47 replies

Rabbitheadlights · 20/05/2021 09:04

Posting for traffic.

Anybody used one? How did it go?

We have 1 DC with additional needs and 6 NT. Holidays are usually more stressful than relaxing and I want to make the next one better for us all. We would like to be able to attend some of the evening entertainment with our NT DC but it's just too overwhelming for DS he absolutely cannot cope so we usually just skip it but it's really not fair on the others so am exploring the idea of a nanny to be able to look after DS on a few evenings so that we can spend some time in loud/lively environments with the others.

Thoughts???

OP posts:
Pinkylemons · 20/05/2021 09:06

Sounds like a great idea. We have an SN son and other kids. We stopped going anywhere years ago because it’s just too difficult/impossible which means the other kids have never had a proper holiday or even days out.

It’s definitely something worth exploring.

Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 20/05/2021 09:09

This is it @pinkylemons I'd love the other kids to be able to just let loose for once, but is it cruel to exclude DS and almost send him away? Either way I feel like I will be doing wrong by either DS or the others?

OP posts:
alrightfella · 20/05/2021 09:11

I think it's fair to all but maybe alternate. One night the nanny takes DS off to do his own thing so you can enjoy yourself with the other kids. The next night you take DS off for some 1:1 with him and the nanny has the others.

Pinkylemons · 20/05/2021 09:23

@Rabbitheadlights - yep you’ll feel guilty either way. Whenever we have managed to do something with the others we always feel like someone is missing but know we wouldn’t be doing it if he was there. It’s not like it’s going to be all the time. We’ve had to separate as a family many times with one of us staying with our son while the other dies something with the kids. It’s just a crap situation really!

Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 20/05/2021 09:25

@alrightfella it absolutely wouldn't be an every night thing I'm thinking maybe 4 out of 10 nights, the rest of the time the nanny would be free to do as she/he wished

OP posts:
saraclara · 20/05/2021 09:27

If the child with additional needs would hate it, then he's not missing out so it's not unfair, surely? Does he have favourite things that the nanny could do with him, or would he just enjoy the peace and quiet away from all his siblings that he probably doesn't often get?!

NautaOcts · 20/05/2021 09:31

I’m just 😳 at the idea of going on holiday with 7 children!
Are the oldest not nearly old enough to go and do things in the evening/supervise the younger ones?

But if you can afford a helper on holiday I think that sounds like a great idea, even just to help with the overall adult:child ratio and give you all more options.

Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 20/05/2021 10:20

@NautaOcts honestly they probably could to some extent but I chose to have a large family so I make a conscious effort not to ask the older ones to "look after" their siblings as I've seen the resentment that can cause.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 20/05/2021 10:22

@saraclara he's very much in his own world and i doubt he would care one hot, selfishly it's more about wether I would be able to relax and enjoy time with the other DC or if the guilt I feel at separating them spoils it.

OP posts:
Homemadearmy · 20/05/2021 10:27

I think it's a great idea and something nthe other children would get a lot out of

RestingPandaFace · 20/05/2021 10:32

Fair to everyone means meeting their individual needs and TBH this sounds like a lovely way to do it.

Your DC with SN gets a nice chilled evening with the Nanny a few times whist you minidisco and get gently sloshed on cocktails and then swap a few nights so SN DC gets mummy and daddy chill time whilst the Nanny gets Agadoo and the Macarena. sounds excellent!

Singalongasong · 20/05/2021 10:33

It's a great idea with the provisos that it would cost a fortune for the nanny - no matter how many days off you give them, it's not really a holiday for them so you'll need to pay accordingly. Also you'll need to pay for enough of the nanny:s time to get your child to settle with them.

If you are a 2 parent family it would be vastly cheaper to divide up and just one parent take the other DC, but that's probably what you're used to doing and desperate to avoid.

5zeds · 20/05/2021 10:39

I wouldn’t but I can see the attraction. We don’t go on holidays that only some can participate because that’s not what holidays are for us. We do split up and dh or I take a subset to an activity. Part of what I like about holidays is we have the time to adapt things to suit us and to support the less able to join in. We don’t use kids clubs etc on holiday either though as for us it really is family time.

FelicityPike · 20/05/2021 10:50

This is going to sound awful, I don’t mean anything by it, but if your wee boy is in his own world, would you/ have you considered putting him with respite carers and going on holiday without him?
I know you’d feel super guilty and I don’t know that I could do it in your position either, but it’s an option (of sorts).

Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 20/05/2021 10:58

@FelicityPike thankyou I know it's an option, but I just couldn't, I've never left him ... Ever for more than an hour or two with DP

OP posts:
Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 20/05/2021 11:00

@singalongasong I would fully expect to pay all costs and wage on top.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 20/05/2021 11:02

@5zeds I know you are right 😢 I just want the other DC to have some fun and for DP and I to actually share in that with them, together.

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 20/05/2021 11:10

[quote Rabbitheadlights]@FelicityPike thankyou I know it's an option, but I just couldn't, I've never left him ... Ever for more than an hour or two with DP[/quote]
I can understand (well, sympathise).
Hope you find a solution.

Mumdiva99 · 20/05/2021 11:12

Is this your regular nanny? If so go ahead. If you are thinking of finding a local solution would your son be happy with this? Would he settle?

I regularly split my family on holiday. I take a couple of kids off to entertainment and the one that doesn't want to go stays with dad who is happy not to go. We have other fun together during the day that we all enjoy.

user1471457751 · 20/05/2021 11:15

@5zeds i don't get how what you do (take a subset to an activity) is any different to what the OP is proposing (taking a subset to an activity).

HOkieCOkie · 20/05/2021 11:16

You sound lovely and I think a Nanny would be very happy to accompany you on holiday. Try tinnies childcare or holiday nannys.

Moonshine11 · 20/05/2021 11:18

Sounds a great idea, you all benefit from it.

Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 20/05/2021 11:21

@mumdiva99 no we don't have a regular nanny.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 20/05/2021 11:22

Thanks @HOkieCOkie

I would love to hear from anyone who has used such a service?

OP posts:
minipie · 20/05/2021 11:24

There are plenty of holiday destinations where you can hire a nanny or babysitter locally via the hotel or a local agency - this would work out a lot cheaper than bringing someone with you and also means you don’t have the person around the whole time.

Of course there is the question of whether you and DS would like the person, but you can ask to do a Facetime before hiring them to get a good idea.

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