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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to speak to my mother anymore?

16 replies

MsSparkler · 16/11/2007 21:37

It's a difficult subject really. I know my mother has had a tough life bringing up me and my sister on her own and has struggled with money but without sounding ungrateful that's not my fault.

Over the last 18 months my mother has turned into a different person, theiving, lying and just being sly and sneaky in general. The first time i suspected she had stolen from me was when i was pregnant with dd. She was round my house that day and i had left my handbag on the stairs and i think she took my purse out and went upstairs to go to the 'toilet' and took out £10. I noticed it had gone when i went to pay for something and swore i had £10 and i put it down to me just going crazy.

But every time she came round i noticed money would go missing and one time she went upstairs to the toilet and i could hear her up in the front bedroom. When she came down i went up to find £20 had gone from my maternity pay packet that i know was in there.

Then my sister told me she thought our mum had taken a few quid from her house too. Me and my sister spoke about it but how do you say something to our mum, especially with no real proof.

Then this came about and she has shown no remorse whatsoever. Then if i say anything nasty to her about what she has done my sister starts saying i shouldn't be so nasty to our mum. My sister loses interest in things if they haven't happened in the last 5 minutes so to her it's "you still going on about that" kind of attitude.

I am so tempted to just not speak to my mother anymore, i wouldn't stop her seeing my dd but i think she is not a very nice person anymore. She has become such a negative person.

OP posts:

Tortington · 16/11/2007 21:41

my family can have the last of anything i have - but should they steal it from me - i wouldnt be seeing them again - thats for sure. I wouldnt want themseeing my children either

Original poster

MsSparkler · 16/11/2007 21:44

It's really made my trust for people go down. If you can't trust your own mother then who can you trust?

OP posts:

EffiePerine · 16/11/2007 21:48

Sounds like there's something more than stealing going on here. Sorry to suugest it, but could she have a problem with drink or drugs?

Original poster

MsSparkler · 16/11/2007 21:50

No, not drink or drugs. She had a gambling problem though- bingo and the slots at the bingo hall. She used to go 5 nights a week and some afternoons. She doesn't go as much now though.

OP posts:

EffiePerine · 16/11/2007 21:52

Could she be gambling online? It's just that the personality change rings alarm bells.

WinkyWinkola · 16/11/2007 22:20

Meanwhile, horrible as it sounds, don't give her the opportunity to steal. Make sure you hide your purse and all money and jewellery away when she visits. You've got to make sure you're not left short.

If you hear her in your bedroom, go up and ask her what she's doing in there. Maybe this would prompt a chat over what's going on in her life to make her need to take money? Or perhaps that would be too confrontational.

I really hope she gets the help she needs and that you can start to have a proper relationship with your mum. You must feel very low about it.

NorthernLurker · 16/11/2007 22:23

This is horrible for you - how old is your mum? I don't want to upset you but is it possible that she might be suffering a degenerative disorder which is causing personality changes and strange behaviour?

pastilla · 16/11/2007 22:34

just what i was going to suggest northern
could you have a word with her gp just in case?

Original poster

MsSparkler · 17/11/2007 13:36

She is 57. She wouldn't be gambling on line as she does not own a computer and wouldn't know the first thing about how to use one.

OP posts:

helenhismadwife · 17/11/2007 14:53

sorry harsh though it sounds I would report them to the police, it is theft no nice way to put it. I also would not be having anything more to do with this person unless they apologised to me.

I have had a similar thing with a family member and a credit card that I didnt use that was taken from my house, I started getting emails saying I had ordered Playstations, phones etc etc I reported it to the police it wasnt very nice but then nor is the abuse of trust and attempted (in my case) theft from family because the transactions were online,the person was a minor and the transactions were not succesful in my case the police just spoke to them.

bubblepop · 17/11/2007 15:42

hiya, your mum sounds like she has turned into a very sad person indeed. i would'nt cut her off completely but supervise her visits more, do not give her the opportunity to rifle thru your stuff, just as you perhaps would'nt trust a workman in the house.
i would definately talk to her, ask her if she is short of money and why she feels the need to take yours without asking. perhaps you could work out a way that she could get more money for herself? does she have a job of some sort and is she claiming everything she is entitled to? is she well mentally? explain to her that you love her but it is not acceptable to treat you like this. if she gets upset and falls out with you, well thats her problem but atleast you tried to address the issues in a nice helpful way. it would be a shame to fall out with your mum but depending on what your relationship is like with her anyway,perhaps it would be a relief to you? good luck

Hekete · 17/11/2007 16:18

I'd leave a note in my purse saying MOTHER, STOP STEALING MY MONEY, YOU COW.

She can hardly say anything to you about it, can she?

beeper · 17/11/2007 16:30

hekete....just what I was thinking...or just put monopoly money in your purse.

NorthernLurker · 17/11/2007 16:49

57 would certainly mean early onset dementia could be a possibility - is her behaviour different in any other ways? Of course developing a gambling adddiction explains it as well

Original poster

MsSparkler · 17/11/2007 19:27

I know she is short of money. She borrowed £600 from my dp 2 years ago, payed the first £300 by £10 per week then just didn't metion it again. He got the following £300 a year and a half later after she had a big win at bingo.

She lives on benefits and has a couple of morning cleaning jobs. I know she is not exactly rich but that is no excuse for her stealing from me. I have tried talking to her many times and she just goes all secretive and starts saying things that contrdict eachother.

OP posts:

MrsTittleMouse · 18/11/2007 10:57

Sounds like it could be a gambling addiction. Thank goodness she doesn't have access to the internet. Maybe Gamblers Anonymous could help - ? here
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. To steal from your own daughter when she's pregnant. She must either be an awful person, or have a serious problem.

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