Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel like a taxi since I passed my test

26 replies

Youaremysunshine09 · 19/05/2021 22:23

I will start of by saying I am a kind person and would help anyone anytime.

Passed my driving test 2 months ago and ever since I feel like a personal taxi to my uncle. He needs supermarket trips 2/3 times a week, on the days when he needs shopping it's 2/3 different shops. I also drop in bread milk whenever needed.

He does buy me stuff at the shops although I insist I am paying on my own. For example if we are in shop I will pick up unnecessary stuff while I am there and then put it on the belt separate from his stuff but he always ends up insisting to pay. Not being rude but I don't need him to pay for my shopping all the time, he has enough money to not be skint but doesn't mean he needs to buy my shopping. (I know I sound ungrateful, I'm really not meaning it like this)

I just feel a bit annoyed by it as if him buying me stuff etc is so I will continue to take him shopping 2/3 times a week and run around picking stuff up for him and dropping it off etc.

It's at the stage now where I actually dread it, he takes ages in every shop, makes sly remarks on other people in the shop etc when none of it is any of his bloody business!!

He is not lonely, he has a partner and has several friends and the rest of the family.

Aibu? Am I being crabbit?

Or is he starting to take the p*as a bit?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 19/05/2021 22:24

Oh come on, you must be daft! How did he shop beforehand? Just say you can't do it. That's not why you learned to drive, so that you can take this bloke everywhere!

Tuckedinbelly · 19/05/2021 22:26

'Sorry I can't, I'm busy.' it's not difficult

Cherrysoup · 19/05/2021 22:34

‘I’m busy, I’m meeting Elaine for coffee, here’s how to order online, just no, I am not your bloody taxi service”. Be firm, grow a backbone!

Original poster
Youaremysunshine09 · 19/05/2021 22:50

I know I need to be firm I just feel bad if I don't take him. He makes several excuses and I feel bad for not taking him so I do it. He is good to me and would help me out if I was stuck etc but it's just a bit much & it drains me at times lol

OP posts:
Newestname001 · 19/05/2021 23:30

You do need to say no, politely, firmly and with conviction, @Youaremysunshine09 otherwise people will just walk all over you. It's already started.

Online shopping is hardly new, plus there is public transport and there are taxis he could use rather than taking advantage of you. The solution lies with you. 🌹

AlCalavicci · 19/05/2021 23:40

Why does he need to go shopping so offten ? Most of us only go once a week.

Can you compromise and just take him once a week .
And get him to get a bus there if he is able / it's practical then pick him up so you don't need to go round the shop with him .

It's nice to be able to help people out but it shouldn't be running your life

Sumerisicumenin · 19/05/2021 23:54

Nothing will change unless you dump the guilt and decide where your boundaries are. And stick to them.
Or you’ll be here in a decade’s time, still grumbling and stressed.

PanamaPattie · 19/05/2021 23:59

Say no. Stop being a doormat. Next.

DifferentHair · 20/05/2021 00:07

How do you have so much spare time?!?

Obviously you can say no outright but if you feel you're not ready for that:

Tell him you're getting busier, you're only available Tuesday's at 10-11am to help him or similar.

Don't pick up you're own groceries during that time, remove this awkward him paying for you business from the equation.

Are you struggling with other things OP? How did you find yourself in this situation

backtowasteanotherhour · 20/05/2021 00:13

Two to three times a week is outrageous. He views it as an outing and enjoys it, so he's unlikely to volunteer to go less often.

If you don't mind taking him sometimes, you could tell him you're too busy to go that often, but you'll take him once a week or every other week, pick up a few necessities for him, etc. However, if that's still too much, you can limit it even further. He somehow managed before you passed your test.

katy1213 · 20/05/2021 00:13

You open your mouth and the word 'No' comes out. It's as easy as that.

mainsfed · 20/05/2021 01:55

Just say no! Be busy

Gothichouse40 · 20/05/2021 02:14

Tell him sorry I'm busy/taking someone to an appointment/working. Other than this you need to talk to him and say you can only take him shopping once a month, or whatever timescale suits you.

DifferentHair · 20/05/2021 03:36

People always write things like 'just say no!' 'It's so simple- no!' Etc on these threads.

I think it demonstrates a poor understanding of what other people go through. There are people with anxiety for instance, for whom 'just saying no' is terrifying to the point of impossibility. There are power dynamics in relationships that mean one can't 'just say no!' without paying a price. There are cultural reasons that people can't imagine 'just saying no' to an older or male relative.

If you have been protected and empowered throughout your life to a point where you get to 'just say no!' when you wish- please recognise how fortunate you are and turn your minds to what life is like for so many other women around you.

Bogeyes · 20/05/2021 04:05

This will be your job from now on and when you stop doing it he won't be happy with you. You need to break this cycle ASAP.

Notapheasantplucker · 20/05/2021 04:11

No, no and no
Like pp said, break the cycle now or you'll be doing it forever.

Ginuwine · 20/05/2021 04:28

How many people are going to come on here and tell the OP to "just say NO" in so many ways? Chastising her might be fun for you but come on.. Clearly it's not only the OP's potential lack of experience around assertiveness that is the issue here. Saying it 50 times to her isn't going to be the difference.

@Youaremysunshine09 can I ask a question? When you passed your test, did you immediately offer to help your uncle straight away? Or did he ask "can you take me shopping" - how did it start?

Secondly, do you like being needed?

That's not said in a horrible way, it's more a question - do you think part of this is also that you like to be needed even though you don't like the inconvenience?

As many other PPs have said, you can easily be busy. He can make his own arrangements. Yet you are available for him always so why is he incentivised to?

Can you visualise a situation where you only do it occasionally and it becomes more of a catch-up and "I'm free to help" scenario rather than "oh no my uncle needs to shop and that means me".

Penners99 · 20/05/2021 05:30

No, is a complete sentence.

Brokensharted · 20/05/2021 06:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThinWomansBrain · 20/05/2021 06:55

sounds as if he wants company more than the shopping trips.
Make it clear you only have time to take him once a week?

Fourstonesmash · 20/05/2021 06:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fishandhips · 20/05/2021 06:59

Why not just say you're happy to take him shopping once a week (if you are okay to), and then no to the rest.

TroysMammy · 20/05/2021 07:05

My exH's family didn't/wouldn't drive and we'd always have phone calls "can you do me a favour?" . It was my car not my exh's and it annoyed us so much I bought a small 2 seater. They were large people so also had difficulty getting in especially when my exMIL took the bloody dog. The phone calls for favours soon stopped.

pasturesgreen · 20/05/2021 07:41

I am a kind person and would help anyone anytime

OP, obviously that's all very well, but unfortunately there are people who won't hesitate to take advantage of your good nature.

I understand wanting to help family, but taking your uncle shopping 2 or 3 times a week is frankly excessive and a huge demand on your time. Your uncle presumably managed to somehow get his shopping done, before you got your licence. He can go back to what he used to do, it's honestly not your problem.

If you want to help him out once in a while, that's very kind of you, but please don't tie yourself to a regular arrangement or you'll never extricate yourself. Be busy when he asks.

Darbs76 · 20/05/2021 07:53

Let him know that you only have time to go to one shop, he’s being unreasonable going to 2/3 shops. Don’t put stuff on the belt if you don’t really want it

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread