Annoyed at friend

13 replies

Pinky1952 · 19/05/2021 20:54

AIBU to be annoyed at my friend. We have known each other for 10 years through work and confided a lot to each other. She gave up work because of ill health and I retired 4 years ago. We ring each other nearly every week and me and have visited her and her hubby a few times but she is getting a bit annoying for arranging for us to visit her then cancelling at the last minute. She hasn't been to ours as she can't manage the stairs to our flat. She never rings to cancel but sends a text to say she isn't well. I don't want to lose her friendship but I'm getting a bit fed up with her.

OP posts:

XenoBitch · 19/05/2021 21:01

YANBU
I would be annoyed too.

OwlTwitterings · 19/05/2021 21:02

I would carry on with the phone calls but the next time she invited you just say no and keep on refusing to go. You could always suggest a Zoom instead.

MagicMatilda · 19/05/2021 21:06

YANBU this is really tricky as my knee jerk reaction would tell you to step back from the friendship however 10 years is a long time. You need to be true to yourself and ask yourself is she a good friend? Bar this, is she there for you? What is she offering you? The way she is acting comes across like she values her own time more than she does yours, it’s very selfish behaviour but unfortunately very common. Could her health be playing a part?

JackANackAnoreeee · 19/05/2021 21:08

Well if she's genuinely unwell I don't see how she's unreasonable. Even if it's not her physical health do you think she's anxious? Cancelling repeatedly lastminute is a bit odd otherwise. IF you think she's just getting better offers at the last minute and using her health as an excuse then yes that's very annoying. If you enjoy chatting with her could you just keep it at that rather than setting yourself up for disapointment with these planned visits?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/05/2021 21:12

If she’s ill, she’s ill. Do you disbelieve her?

MinnieJackson · 19/05/2021 21:17

Maybe she's lost a bit of confidence. It sounds like her mobility isn't the best. Maybe just have chats for a while so you're still there for her, and wait for her to offer meeting up? I have terrible mental health issues and so many times I've said I'm poorly because I can't face going out. Obviously this is just assumptions though. Does she see any other friends? YANBU for feeling let down though x

TheVeryHungryTortoise · 19/05/2021 21:20

My gut reaction to reading this is that she's anxious for some reason. Could you start a gentle conversation about it, over the phone or in person instead of text so that communication is less difficult.

Original poster

Pinky1952 · 19/05/2021 21:39

Thanks for your comments. She does have a lot of health issues so I do try to take that into account. I know she has done this with other people who weren't so accommodating as me. I know I need to take a step back.

OP posts:

MinnieJackson · 19/05/2021 22:04

It does sound like she needs a friend. I'd just stay in touch and let her take the lead now.

Rexasaurus · 19/05/2021 22:08

Yeah. I think she’s struggling.
Look up spoon theory. I think that was based on a person with a long term illness.

gah2teenagers · 19/05/2021 22:25

Try and take her lead and continue the friendship would be my advice. I think we jump to take offence too quickly and yes she probably is struggling. In other words yes, be kind.

lanthanum · 19/05/2021 23:28

Keep to the phone calls, but please don't give up on her. It may be covid anxiety, it might be more general anxiety, it could well be the "spoon theory" problem. If she's unwell, it may just be that meeting up is too much for the moment, but that doesn't mean you can't still be friends.

TheyCallMeMellowYellow1 · 19/05/2021 23:30

@JackANackAnoreeee

This.

Another option would be maybe to not meet at yours, now things are open again? Cafe? Pub?

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