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AIBU?

AIBU To Stop Asking If He Is Ok

16 replies

SeasideMeeside · 19/05/2021 18:39

My son is 25, 18 months ago he tried to end his life. He went on antidepressants shortly afterwards and after a couple of months was back to his old, happy self.
He decided to come off the AD, so on drs approval went to half a tablet.
He's now been on half dose for 2 months and is back in depression.
I've always been there for him, holding him while he cried, listened to him talk etc etc
He's just so angry with everyone right now.

Has anyone been through this? He's shouting at me if I ask what's wrong and if
ask if hes ok.
Do I leave him for a few days, just provide meals but not try to engage?
He lives with me and his dad and currently comes home, eats and goes to his room until the morning.
I usually pop in before I go to bed and have a chat but I'm thinking maybe it's too much for him?
Any advice welcomed.
He is usually loud, happy and the life and soul🥺

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OldEvilOwl · 19/05/2021 18:48

I would try and get him to go back to the GP asap

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Rocksteadycreww · 19/05/2021 18:49

I’m sorry I have no advice but that must be so heartbreaking sorry you’re all going through this

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CassandraTrotter · 19/05/2021 18:50

@OldEvilOwl

I would try and get him to go back to the GP asap

This, op.

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SeasideMeeside · 19/05/2021 18:51

He is refusing to see anyone but I rang the GP myself (it's also my gp) they said they would call him. They also said he should go back onto the full dose he was on previously.

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OldEvilOwl · 19/05/2021 18:53

Has he upped his meds again since being told? It will take a while to work. Sounds like he dropped his meds too soon

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Lollypop701 · 19/05/2021 18:54

Sounds like gp and acceptance of sn ongoing illness. If he broke his leg he’d accept he might need physio, pain meds it’s just harder to think of well-being drugs and treatment in the same way. Is he getting talk therapy too? Would probably help.

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IEat · 19/05/2021 18:57

You doing the right thing in calling the Dr , with your son be careful with what you say and how you say it. He could think your smothering him and he’s getting annoyed by it (although it’s done in caring way from a good place) try to find some else to talk about . It’s hard I know

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HollowTalk · 19/05/2021 18:59

I'd continue to go in to chat to him, but would try to avoid asking how he is. Judge how he is by the way he talks, how well he's taking care of himself, and what he's doing in his room.

Were there any reasons why he got so low last time? Are the causes of his depression something that can be resolved, or are they part of his personality?

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SeasideMeeside · 19/05/2021 18:59

I'm going to.suggest that he goes back to the full dose. Hopefully he will agree.
He say a psychotherapist 18 months ago and was discharged, at the time he admitted it was helpful. He won't hear of going there again tho.

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Aprilx · 19/05/2021 19:03

He should go back to his full dose. And if he hasn’t already, he needs to maybe get his thinking around the fact that it is ok to take medicine for mental health and there is no need to aim to wean himself off. I require daily meds for a physical condition and there is no question that I should be trying to reduce my dose, should be the same. Apologies if he is already thinking like this, there is still such a taboo with mental health.

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SeasideMeeside · 19/05/2021 19:08

He hated the idea of antidepressants at first, it took him a month before he took them. He likes a drink at weekends so thats another reason he didn't want them.
They definitely helped tho.
Stresses of work were/are a factor we think.

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ConfusedAdultFemale · 19/05/2021 19:14

When you’re depressed sometimes there’s nothing worse than continuously being asked if you’re ok, or if there’s something wrong, especially when the person asking knows you’re not ok.

I know it comes from a place of love and a desire to help, but please stop asking. He’s not ok, he’s told you he’s depressed, you asking continuously can feel a lot like he should be better or over it by now. I hope he’s ok

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XenoBitch · 19/05/2021 19:18

@ConfusedAdultFemale

When you’re depressed sometimes there’s nothing worse than continuously being asked if you’re ok, or if there’s something wrong, especially when the person asking knows you’re not ok.

I know it comes from a place of love and a desire to help, but please stop asking. He’s not ok, he’s told you he’s depressed, you asking continuously can feel a lot like he should be better or over it by now. I hope he’s ok

This.

Lashing out is also a sign that he is not sure how to word things too.... and being asked for an answer to questions about how he is doing when he doesn't know himself can cause a reaction like his.

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SeasideMeeside · 19/05/2021 19:26

@ConfusedAdultFemale @XenoBitch
Thanks, i will back down abit. Supply tea and biscuits.
I'm not sure he will tell me if the GP has rung him, but I won't ask for now.

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Robin233 · 19/05/2021 22:08

Can he change his job if this is causing the underlying problem?
Use techniques to relive the stress - meditate , exercise, breathing exercises, CBT. Cut out the alcohol. ?
Antidepressants may have their place short term. But untimely the underlying cause needs addressing.
.

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SeasideMeeside · 19/05/2021 23:13

I would love him to cut out the alcohol!! All through lockdown he didn't drink at all, but it's just what the guys do at the weekend, sadly.
Changing jobs isn't really an option, he runs his own business. I did ask him if he would rather work for someone and he said no.

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