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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel confused by his contact

17 replies

Milkandhoniee · 19/05/2021 18:29

I was with someone for five months after being friends for just 3 months we clicked. . Great communicator. We had started falling in love But he was just not ready for a relationship possibly due to his ex and they split after quite a long time. he tried to make out he was commited to long term stuff but he was just allover the place. He went through a low stage with his depression and that was the week we fell out and broke up.

For 9 weeks we've been apart and I've only just started feeling better the last few weeks. I've missed him. He used to be so funny but also we chatted alot and i had to get used to not having those chats and having his company sometimes. We did just click so quickly.

I was sat in bed the other night. My phoned pinged. I was shocked to see his name on the screen. He sent me a Facebook request and messaged to see how I was. After confirming we were both ok he went quiet. So last night I asked what he had been up to and told him and wanting to understand why he had returned I asked him if he feels like he was truly in love with me before as we seemed so happy. He didn't reply until this morning. He had fallen asleep and he asked me how my kids were. I asked him how work was and asked a couple of things about stuff to catch up with stuff that was going on in his life before we split. He was really chatty and responding to me but asked me absolutely nothing all day. No interest in how my day was. What I was doing. Just talked about himself and answered questions.

I said to him an hour ago id leave him to enjoy his night and he said ok take care. x

He told me earlier he was working away for three months from June too.

Overall just confused why he's back. Why he unblocked me. Why he wanted to know how I was but is only talking about himself.

Do you think he's playing hard to get? Not interested? Worried about things?

I just don't understand him returning like this. Don't get me wrong I'm happy to be just mates and I'm not sat here thinking maybe we will go back to how we were. But I'll be honest I felt like I didn't mean anything to him due to the way he left.

I can't read his language at all.

OP posts:
OldEvilOwl · 19/05/2021 18:51

I would not engage any further. If he is interested he will contact you

Frazzledfranny · 19/05/2021 18:54

Honestly ?

Because he was bored.

AnxiousFTMFriendlyAdvicePlease · 19/05/2021 18:55

I think he is demonstrating his attitude by dangling you on a string sadly. Don’t engage any further. It seems he wants things his way and I don’t see it changing any time in the future.

ThatIsMyPotato · 19/05/2021 18:56

Sounds like he was just bored and knew you'd listen

cupsofcoffee · 19/05/2021 18:57

I agree with a PP that he was bored and just wanted someone to talk to.

MadMadMadamMim · 19/05/2021 18:58

But I'll be honest I felt like I didn't mean anything to him due to the way he left.

This. He was bored and at a loose end and is happy to have you boost his ego, asking him questions about himself.

Block him so he can't mess with your head. You were just starting to feel better and he's fucked that up again now.

Aprilx · 19/05/2021 18:59

He was bored or perhaps he had had a couple of glasses of wine. I wouldn’t look for more meaning to be honest.

MatildaTheCat · 19/05/2021 19:09

He’s just messing you around unfortunately. Let him go and block further contact unless you want to be having this same dilemma at regular intervals going forward.

BakedTattie · 19/05/2021 19:11

Sounds like he just wanted to clear his conscience over blocking you etc. Now he knows you’re ok he can get on with his life. His messages don’t read like he’s interested

Notaroadrunner · 19/05/2021 19:15

Stop wondering why he made contact. Just block him and get on with your life.

1FootInTheRave · 19/05/2021 19:16

When dh first asked me on a date, I refused. I was not long out of a long term relationship and was no where near ready. Had we started dating then, I would've messed him around.

When we did date months later. I was more than ready and we really blossomed from there. That was nearly 20 years ago.

Sometimes, it isn't the person. It's the timing.

Taliskerskye · 19/05/2021 19:35

He’s confusing you for a reason. It’s a mind fuck. Doesn’t matter if he’s doing it consciously or subconsciously. It’s still a mind fuck.

Walk away, even from the friendship. Because it’s not really a friendship any more and it won’t ever be. Trust me. From someone who only just got off this rollercoaster

suspiria777 · 19/05/2021 19:46

Don't get me wrong I'm happy to be just mates and I'm not sat here thinking maybe we will go back to how we were.

Sorry OP but from the way you've written the whole post I just can't believe this part. Even if this really, truly is true, it's still unlikely you'll be "just mates".

billy1966 · 19/05/2021 20:07

He was bored.
He was killing time.

Block him and move on.

Flowers
LittlestBoho · 19/05/2021 20:20

He was just pulling the string to see if you were still on the end of it. He will never be the relationship you want, so best to block him and get on with your life.

1Morewineplease · 19/05/2021 20:27

The fact that he blocked you speaks volumes.
Move on.

Rmka · 19/05/2021 21:16

He wants nothing good. He contacted you:

  • to clear his conscience
  • to boost his ego
  • or because he was bored or drunk
Don't waste another second with him. Block and move on. You deserve a man who wants to be with you.
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