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To refuse to move out of the area?

11 replies

Greenmire · 19/05/2021 15:19

Am I being too closed minded? We are probably looking to move at some point in the next few years.

DH would prefer to move to a different area of the same town. He says he wants to be closer to his friends, but his friends are dotted around all over the place. We currently live close to one of his friends - we could move closer to a different one but there's no location that is close to all his friends. He also thinks that our area is more expensive than other areas, which yes it is, but in my opinion it's more expensive because it has a lot going for it and is a lovely place to live. Because it is very sought after it is likely to take quite a wait to find somewhere suitable to move to and it would be quicker and easier if we considered other areas. But I don't think we're in any particular hurry - we have 2 children and currently live in a fairly small 3-bed ground floor flat with a shared garden and 1 bathroom. The kids are 5 and 3. It would be nice in the future to have a bit more living space, a spare bedroom, an extra bathroom, our own garden, but it's not like these are things that we NEED and we definitely don't need them urgently.

What I love about our area is:

  • it's very close to our workplaces (a 10 minute cycle) and other things that mean we rarely have to drive, which is a lifestyle that I really enjoy
  • it's a suburb but also quite close to the town centre
  • the primary school is very good and right next to the sports club, swimming pool, music school etc, which means very little ferrying of children
  • it's an area with a lot of natural beauty, right by the sea, and I have easy access to lovely paths for walking and cycling which are my favourite pastimes
  • we've lived here for 5 years and I like the community and the connections we have
  • in my opinion, it's the perfect balance between suburb and town

Things that aren't so good:
  • Yes, it is relatively expensive and we could get more for our money elsewhere
  • We'll have to be quite patient if we want to move within this area
  • It's on the far side of town, next to the sea, which means it takes a bit longer to get anywhere if you need to go in the other direction, which we do to get to most family and friends

I don't want to be a little bit closer to places we go occasionally for the pay off of introducing a lot more hassle into our daily lives. We used to live on the other side of the town centre and the traffic can be dreadful that way. Because we're one of the only bits on this side and then it's the sea, most people are going in the other direction to us at peak hours now. He's talking about a suburb way on the other side where his sister lives that would mean a driving commute again and we'd probably need a second car to deal with the children pick ups and different working times, even though our workplaces are very close. Yes, it would be nice to be a little bit closer to his sister. But I don't want to have to sit in traffic jams again, it feels like a huge step back in terms of quality of daily life. I was so happy when we moved here and I feel like we are so lucky. I know people value different things in life, though, and I am trying to see his side. What is the best way to approach this?
OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2021 15:23

Moving to the area your husband wants to live in sounds like a lot of added expense and stress. You already live in the same town as his friends and sister, you don't have to live on top of them, fgs. I would not want to move if I were you. Your current location sounds really perfect for your life right now.

Hoppinggreen · 19/05/2021 15:26

He lives in the same town as his friends, he doesn’t need to live next door to them. Plus his wife and family are more important and it sounds like where you live now is better for you and them

HeddaGarbled · 19/05/2021 15:27

I think all your points make a lot of sense.

I think being open-minded would be agreeing to look at properties that he finds that he’s interested in. You never know, you might fall in love with one enough to change your mind. Or you might not find anywhere else that you like as much as where you currently live, in which case, you stay where you are.

superduster · 19/05/2021 15:40

You may not get much choice when you ready to move - unless you are in rented you just have to buy whatever is available once you have sold. We knew which areas of town we wanted to move to, ended up somewhere completely different as we weren't prepared to wait and potentially lose our buyer. I would consider all areas and just see what comes up that meets your needs at the time.

Bluntness100 · 19/05/2021 15:44

I think maybe your post is balanced. All you’ve done is point out the positives of where you now live, and the negatives of moving, and said he’s basically being daft to want to move closer to folks and you don’t need anywhere bigger.

As such the answers will also be skewed in your favour. If your husband wrote this I suspect the slant would be very different.

Greenmire · 19/05/2021 15:52

Oh, is it usually the way that you sell your property and then buy another one, then? This is our first property that we have owned so we've never moved up the property ladder before. I thought we could find somewhere to buy and THEN sell ours, is that not how it works?

I know that might be risky in a situation where you aren't sure if your property will sell quickly, but I am certain that ours would be snapped up immediately. As I said, it's a very sought after area where demand far outstrips supply - annoying as buyers but you would get the benefit as sellers as well. We had to move really quickly to buy our flat and competition was fierce.

Bluntness Yes, that is a fair comment. Of course it's written from my perspective and maybe I haven't been reasonable enough in my presentation of his concerns, although I did try.

I definitely think that ideally we do need something bigger at some point - I just don't think it's urgent to the level that we need to start making decisions based on what's on the market right this second. I think we can allow ourselves to bide our time a little when the kids are still so young, that's all.

OP posts:
ShippingNews · 20/05/2021 00:12

It's never sensible to move to be near a friend, relative etc. That person could decide to move, then you are back to square one. I'd stay where you are, it sounds perfect.

katy1213 · 20/05/2021 00:31

Dig your heels in. A grown man doesn't need to live on top of his mates. Or his sister.

Greenmire · 20/05/2021 11:31

It's things like when he and his friends are going somewhere it's annoying for him to carpool because we are all the way over on this side. Or it's a longer way to go the next day if he drives round to their houses and leaves the car there. The geography of the town is such that the 'centre' isn't actually in the centre, it's the sea, us, then the centre, then the sprawl of everything else. Most people have been drifting out to the suburbs as a natural progression and most of the suburbs are on the other side, so he thinks we should get over to that side as well and join the traffic jams of all the other people trying to get in and out of the centre.

I also have friends, of course, and they are similarly dotted around, but for me I'd prefer to be within easy reach of the town centre so we can meet there - we do have different patterns of socialising when we see our friends. He tends to go for board game nights or similar and I usually meet friends in a café or a bar.

I don't think he's strongly opposed to staying in the area if we did find the right property here, but he's frustrated that I said I don't want to look in other areas because I love this one so much and perhaps IABU. I just feel that he is thinking about the things that are annoying here and not thinking about how much more annoying it would be to have a PITA commute twice every day and be having to take our children here, there and everywhere because other places don't have the amenities all grouped together in one place like we do. All the parents I've spoken to who've lived here and elsewhere and have older children say it's so nice to be free of the taxiing. I really feel like we won the jackpot in living here but he's clearly not in love with it the same way that I am.

OP posts:
Snowfalling · 22/05/2021 11:42

I actually would refuse to move. You are considering the entire family's needs, whereas your dh is only thinking of his own. He wants the upheaval, stress and expense of moving, for what? So he can be closer to a friend/sibling, people he can see on a weekend anyway?

Greenmire · 22/05/2021 13:58

We will move in the next few years either way as I can foresee the single bathroom becoming an annoyance as the children grow older and we all need more privacy from each other. Also DS' room is tiny and a spare bedroom would be very useful as well. It's not really the moving itself, just the area.

Though staying in the area would mean no school and nursery changes for the children, which is obviously nicer for them even though I'm sure they'd make new friends quickly.

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