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AIBU?

DSS exposed to covid, do we still have him here today?

21 replies

Whattodo34 · 19/05/2021 11:57

Its our day to have DSC, but their mum has just text saying she's had to pick DSS2 up early as there's a case of covid in his class and has given us the option to decide what we want to do.

No idea how this has come about mid way through the school day, OH is going to call her and find out.

But what do we do? Would you have him or not?

I'm second trimester pregnant and not vaccinated.

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GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 19/05/2021 12:00

Erm no he needs to self isolate for 10 days just like the last 14 months of this pandemic.

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Savoretti · 19/05/2021 12:02

Of course not, he needs to isolate

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Horst · 19/05/2021 12:06

He needs to go wherever he can isolate for 10 days.

It will of come about because one child will of been off awaiting results. The results come though randomly and once the school are told by the parent then they can send children home.

So even if the nhs informed the parent at 8am the parent of the child might not of got around to informing or even noticing the email/text till lunch time more so if working from home so trying to get their stuff done.

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Missmonkeypenny · 19/05/2021 12:10

He has to isolate for 10 days.

I personally wouldn't risk it being pregnant

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44PumpLane · 19/05/2021 12:13

He needs to isolate for 10 days and I wouldn't like to take the chance given you're pregnant.
If you have a reasonable relationship perhaps your husband could ask his ex to keep their son for the isolation period then offer to have him for x extra days to make up for it.

If I was in this situation I would understand but would appreciate the offer of "making up" the missed visiting time.

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Whattodo34 · 19/05/2021 12:13

Thanks for the replies.

I didn't want to be the one to say no, but it did worry me.

DH has reiterated what was said here, DSS needs to isolate.

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Singalongasong · 19/05/2021 12:13

I remember a previous thread where the RP needed to work while child was isolating like this, and most posters thought the child should go to the dad's. The child belongs to both households.

However there's a massive difference between needs and wants. If his mum is ok to keep him home, absolutely do that. But step in and help if she needs you to. The risks to your family are very low, which is why his mum is still allowed out to work. Just be prudent where you can.

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Whattodo34 · 19/05/2021 12:17

His mum is a stay at home parent so fortunately she doesn't have to worry about missing work or urgently trying to find childcare. She's able to have him for the 10 days without it causing her any problems, it's just shit for everyone isn't it.

I'm sure she'd like a break and we really wanted to see him.

Have suggested DH offers to have him for extra days after his isolation ends.

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KihoBebiluPute · 19/05/2021 12:21

Children whose parents have separated count as a full member of both households. All Covid precautions are about reducing the risks, not eliminating them, and it is more damaging for a child to have their normal contact with both parents disrupted than can be justified for the sake of following rules strictly. To you, the child is DSS but to your partner he is his own son - if the child lived with you full time they wouldn't be sent away to isolate elsewhere, the household would isolate together and hope for the best. Therefore I would say that contact arrangements should carry on unaffected. The overwhelming likelihood is that the child isn't infected anyway, so you are talking about disrupting his contact with his dad because of a slim chance there might be a risk, but it is more likely that nothing will happen and refusing to let him come sends a very clear message to the child that they aren't considered really part of their dad's family any more and that's a much worse outcome.

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Whattodo34 · 19/05/2021 12:25

The overwhelming likelihood is that the child isn't infected anyway, so you are talking about disrupting his contact with his dad because of a slim chance there might be a risk

DH was the one with reservations, I didn't indicate to him what I thought was best to do. I posted here for your POV's as I am concerned, but I didn't say that to him.

If DH was happy to risk it I couldn't object.

Its his call and his exes overall.

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ThatIsMyPotato · 19/05/2021 12:30

If she has raised it then it suggests the relationship with the ex is fairly amicable and she has asked to give your DH the option, which is nice of her. I would personally say DSC should stay in once place until the isolation period is over if possible, but DH should offer to make up the time missed at a time suitable for mum, even if that means taking time off work.

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Whattodo34 · 19/05/2021 12:34

We're all amicable yes, no issues on that front. I appreciate her giving DH the option as not everybody would.

It would be very problematic for us if we had to isolate, DH's employer has been awfully intolerant of colleagues needing to isolate throughout the pandemic as a result of exposure.

He has decided not to go ahead today but is going to offer to have him for extra days when his isolation period ends.

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Embroideredstars · 19/05/2021 12:42

Sounds like the best plan. Yes theoretically yours and Ds's household are one but as you're pregnant and Ds's mum is at home it seems daft for you to risk it. Just give Ds's mum a break and have him longer after isolation ends.

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Bubby2997 · 19/05/2021 13:02

He needs to isolate where he lives most of the time - I'm assuming from what you've explained at his mums! No point putting his dad and you at risk of catching it.

I have a DS with with my ex and I wouldn't send him if it was me.

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Singalongasong · 19/05/2021 13:10

Having him for extra days afterwards is a really good idea. Glad you've resolved it. Maybe DH could ask if she needs any food etc dropped off and add some treats in - shopping could be a problem for her if DSS is too young to leave home alone.

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ThatIsMyPotato · 19/05/2021 13:16

@Singalongasong

Having him for extra days afterwards is a really good idea. Glad you've resolved it. Maybe DH could ask if she needs any food etc dropped off and add some treats in - shopping could be a problem for her if DSS is too young to leave home alone.

This sounds a good idea. If they are all isolating they might need help with getting food in.

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ThatIsMyPotato · 19/05/2021 13:17

And that way he can say hello from a distance

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JulianBaggins · 19/05/2021 13:22

The overwhelming likelihood is that the child isn't infected anyway

Utter rubbish. This exact same scenario happened to us. Case in class, DS picked up, had a bit of a headache but nothing else, took him for a test and it was positive. Not even a close friend in his class so yes it absolutely does happen and its not 'overwhelmingly likely' that it won't at all.

He needs to stay with Mum and isolate OP. I was pregnant too at the time and understand the worry (no one else in the house caught it thankfully).

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Whattodo34 · 19/05/2021 13:24

Offering to get shopping and some treats for tbe kids is a great idea

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Bibidy · 19/05/2021 13:26

@KihoBebiluPute

Children whose parents have separated count as a full member of both households. All Covid precautions are about reducing the risks, not eliminating them, and it is more damaging for a child to have their normal contact with both parents disrupted than can be justified for the sake of following rules strictly. To you, the child is DSS but to your partner he is his own son - if the child lived with you full time they wouldn't be sent away to isolate elsewhere, the household would isolate together and hope for the best. Therefore I would say that contact arrangements should carry on unaffected. The overwhelming likelihood is that the child isn't infected anyway, so you are talking about disrupting his contact with his dad because of a slim chance there might be a risk, but it is more likely that nothing will happen and refusing to let him come sends a very clear message to the child that they aren't considered really part of their dad's family any more and that's a much worse outcome.

This is mad, so just because he has separated parents he should be permitted to potentially infect more people than is necessary - including a pregnant woman - if he does end up testing positive?

It's just over a week he'd need to stay home with his mum instead of going back and forth, hardly 'damaging'. His dad can speak to him every day via phone or video for that short time. I'm sure he's probably been on holiday and away from one parent for a similar amount of time!

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TheGumption · 19/05/2021 13:40

You sound so nice and reasonable OP. It's nice to read a step parent thread like this!
Dropping some treats off sounds like a lovely idea.

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