Parent trying to control DC friendships- AIBU

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parent of DS’s friend has contacted me before to say they are not getting on, being unkind to each other and my DS needed to apologise. He did, although seemed one child was being held much more responsible than the other for a mutual issue.
Parent has now complained to the teacher that my son isn’t playing with hers enough, but my son says her son is mean to him so he doesn’t want to play with him.
AIBU to think this is fair enough and they should be left to it instead of trying to control the children’s friendships?
Teacher also says it seems like standard tit for tat but I’m concerned parent will continue to meddle abd it’s definitely making it worse.

It really is and it has been completely counterproductive as one boy now thinks the answer to any disagreement is to tell an adult rather than sort himself, and the other now wants to make zero effort because he resents that he’s the only one being told on.

If your son doesn’t want to pay with this child, I’d say respect that.

I second the safeguarding concern. It is a form of bullying and not acceptable. The other child should be moved to another class away from your child to safeguard your child next year. Does the other parent pick up there child from school? If so ensure the School know to watch for them approaching your child to.

Make it clear to the school that they do not under any circumstances discuss your child with this parent as it's a GPDR breach and your child feels harrased and bullied as do you. Keep a diary and if you have to call the police. Parents like this tend to get worse the older the child gets and the less they can control them and other kids not better in my experience.

The other mum is very unreasonable simply for whining to you about it instead of talking to school.

At nearly 10, they need to be sorting out tit for tat stuff themselves unless there’s any additional needs on either side in which case support from school is definitely helpful.

Presumably your son has wisely decided he can do without all the hassle of this “friendship” and if it was my child I’d definitely back them up on this.

@Fundays12

I second the safeguarding concern. It is a form of bullying and not acceptable. The other child should be moved to another class away from your child to safeguard your child next year. Does the other parent pick up there child from school? If so ensure the School know to watch for them approaching your child to.

Make it clear to the school that they do not under any circumstances discuss your child with this parent as it's a GPDR breach and your child feels harrased and bullied as do you. Keep a diary and if you have to call the police. Parents like this tend to get worse the older the child gets and the less they can control them and other kids not better in my experience.

Is this not a bit over the top at this stage?

Surely if everyone did this teachers would spend most of their days sorting out this stuff?

I agree with informing the teacher if needed, but is this a bit ott?

I’d have a word with the teacher and say you’re not happy with the parent trying to push your child into this friendship. That you’re not expecting the teacher to do anything different, but if they see your child looking uncomfortable to keep it in mind.

Watermelon it depends on how the other parent is behaving. If it's something that can be dealt with easily it's absolutely overkill but the OP is saying she feels harrased which is not ok. If she feels harrased I do wonder how her child feels stuck everyday being bullied into being friends with another child by adults?

Having been through a situation that caused my family 9 months of hell and left my then 8 year old to terrified to leave the house as he was being bullied by another parent who then harrased us I would say nobody has to put up with bullying. My situation started the same way as OPs. Granted the parent is barking mad but it was still terrifying and took the police and a solicitor to get her to leave my son alone and stop abusing us. It is a safeguarding concern if an adult is making a child feel bullied. If it's not that serious (which I hope it's not) then a quick call to the School should stop it.

I feel a bit harassed by it and no doubt DS does too. They haven’t been back to school long and this happens, it last happened before lockdown so in terms of school weeks its been a relatively short time before it has ramped up.

OP your first port of call might be best to be the school. Speak to them and explain what's happening and how it's making you feel and you are concerned how ds is feeling. They can then deal with it better once they are aware of the impact on him.

Tell the other parent you are not getting involved and you will support your son's rights to be friends with who he wants then block the other parent from messaging you. Don't engage with the other parent, make it clear to your son if he doesn't want to be friends with this child that's fine and if he is being forced to in school let both you and his teacher know. Some parents as I found out have no boundaries so therefore there kids never learn any so you must set your own and stick to them.