to not want to take poorly son to a party???

[glaskham]

right....today ds, very nearly 3, has got a very bad cough...have given him buttercup but after his tea he had a bad coughing fit and was sick....

just text my friend to say he had a cough and if he was still bad with it tomorrow evening then we'd not be going to her dd's 3rd birthday on sunday, well she's replied saying its cost her £16 for my two kids to go which she's had to pay upfront and why dont i just bring him and then if he's up to it he can play....

i know ds will want to go and play but what i worry about is him passing the cough on to other kids....obviously she isn't bothered if her dd gets it, but if others got it then i'd hate to be the cause of it.....

we had a playdate with 2 of his other friends this morning who are going to be at this party aswell, and when we got home and he was ill i phoned them straight away to appologise if he'd passed it on but i hadn't known he was ill then, just thought he had a tickly cough he couldn't get rid of.....they were fine and said it happens....not everyone who will be at this party will be so understanding will they?...i know people will say i shouldn't have brought him if he was ill, but dd is all fine and well and will be sad to miss a good play at a party!!....have no-one i can leave ds with so i can just take dd....

so what do i do???

oh want to add, i am happy to take them to the party so they can both have a good time and play but mainly worried about him passing on the cough....

You can't stay in for a cough but I do think it was a bit cheeky of your friend to mention cost!

Are all your friends really so considerate? I know mine aren't! If he looks brighter take him but be prepared to bring them home early. Make sure he doesn't share cups etc and it will be fine.

well the two i met up with today are fab....we get on fantastically and are best of friends, and all our kids get on fab too.....but the friend who's dd's birthday it will be isn't as considerate.....wouldn't think twice about dragging her poorly child out so she doesn't let someone down....i think i may just see how he is tomorrow and if she kicks up so much fuss if i have to cancel i'll just make a point of offering to pay the £16 they cost her...aswell as still giving her daughter the pressie's we've bought!!!

I'd be miffed with any "friend" who would comment on the money in the way yours did. That would get my back up enough not to take dcs to party and would send her a cheque for £16- but that's me and am feeling particularly grumpy tonight!!

I tend not to take dcs out if they are not that well, but alot of people do - half the kids at school seem to have coughs/colds from October to March so there will plenty of germs about with or without your ds's!

well ds still has a bad cough but is still very exited for the party tomorrow.....so i'll take him but if anyone asks why i've brought him out ill i'll say that the 'devoted host' didn't ant to loose out on her money for them not to turn up!!!

oh come on are you really worried about passing it on this time of year there are coughs and colds everwhere..its not the bloody plague ..sounds like you don't want to go IMHO!

Do other mums actually comment about bringing a child out with a cough?

If you kept children in with coughs this time of the year the streets would be empty....

Glaskam, I would not so much worry about giving a common ole cough to others...it can't be avoided...however, your consideration and concer, in the end, should, of ocurse be for your ds, so, I would say to your friend that you will have to wait and see till the Party to see if your ds is up for it, or if costs are such a big thing for her, I would tell her to try to get some other Kids to come to the party in your dc's place....

I send dd to school with a cough as long as she is otherwise well. She can cough so hard she throws up (hang over from reflux) but be perfectly well. Agree the hostess should n't put undue pressure on you by mentioning finances though, it is your call not hers.

Actuelly, I think coughing, if strongly, can always activate the gag reflec anyway, and can make you puke....it certainly can do that to me!

so we went to the party i did have one or two mums i didn't know before today ask how long he'd had his cold and then quietly said 'i hope he doesn't pass it on to mine'.....thats the sort of comments i didn't want, he enjoyed himself, my other friends who were there were fine about him being a bit chesty.....

i did really want to go to see my friends, i dont often get to see them since i moved a 30min drive away, and apart from the odd trip xmas and birthdays are the only time i see them and their children now!!

The 'friend' who's little girls party it was was ok with me today too- i was worried she'd still be bothered i'd said i might not have gone....but she was ok- and DH was furious with how she said about how much it had cost her, he said the same as me....if we didn't go pay her the £16 and send the present in the post......she is always bragging about how much she's spent on this and that and we're a little strapped for cash this time of year with our ds's birthday and xmas with a very large family....but we would have paid the money just to shut her up!! haha....

well all done and dusted now....till the next one about 2 weeks away!!!

glaskham I have 3 kids who have been invited to dozens of parties over the years and on occasion been unable to attend due to illness and I have NEVER had a mum complain to me about the cost - I think I'd probably be speechless if they did, but like you, would send them a cheque and the present.