AIBU?
To ask him to consider altering his will
Mamamamasaurus · 18/05/2021 19:07
My Grandad is in his 80s but his health has taken a massive hit with Covid, although he didn't catch it. He's getting more frail by the day, won't accept help from the local authority, nor any assisted living facility etc.
In his will he's named 2 executors, my and my aunt. This in and of itself is fine, though in his words "you'll be doing most of the legwork"
Said aunt, IMO, is money orientated and I think she'll dive straight in when the day comes, clear the flat and sell what she can. The will states everything left after settling 'the estate', to be split evenly but I suspect that this won't be the case.
I use 'the estate' loosely - there is no property, no cars and nothing of much value.
Examples - aunt did some shopping for DGF and bought a HUGE box of Teabags, in a brand she drinks (DGF doesn't like this brand) . DGF ended up giving her 70% of them because he'd never be able to use them all and accepted that he'll just have to use the rest to avoid waste
He's just spent an extortionate amount of money on a piece of furniture, he can afford it but what will happen to that when the time comes? I know what I suspect will happen to it. I also know that the style, shape and colour happens to be Aunt's favourite.
This may sound silly but DGF has a pet that isn't used to children or other pets and I've had a conversation with him re care of the animal when that time comes. I've made it clear that I would do everything in my power to ensure it has a good home, as close to what it has now. Aunt would not consider this important but I know how much the animal means to DGF. Aunt would have pound signs in her eyes as the animal is pedigree.
My AIBU - would I be reasonable to ask DGF to consider altering the will to reflect just one executor?. This isn't about me having more power, and certainly isn't about me getting everything (as there isn't much anyway) but I would like him to consider having just the one person dealing with it all to save a LOT of hassle, and potentially his wishes not being adhered to. I wouldn't be asking him to name only me as executor but if two of us are doing this, I strongly suspect it would lead to a family rift and potentially a huge headache.
Mamamamasaurus · 18/05/2021 19:47
@TwoAndAnOnion
I think you're unreasonable to try and push her out.
The will states everything left after settling 'the estate', to be split evenly but I suspect that this won't be the case.
so you want to be the only executor?I feel that it needs one - not two.
If aunt does everything, I don't think DGF's wishes will be adhered to, particularly with regards to the pet, that's his main concern.
If I do it all, I KNOW that his requests will be carried out.
If I'm not involved, that's fine, I'm not asking for me to be the only executor, just that one person only is named. He could pick aunt and that's fine, I can't control what she does or doesn't implement.
ItsDinah · 18/05/2021 19:58
The important thing is your granddad's welfare in life. He took the decisions about teabags and furniture. For someone in their latter days on this earth, these are petty,although I understand why you are upset. Your granddad probably just wants to keep the peace. Old people are usually very philosophic about their children and grandchildren's failings. You say your granddad really doesn't have an estate apart from the dog and household contents. That being the case, it will all have to be sold to put towards the funeral. Even if sold, it's not going to fetch very much. Your granddad won't be hurt by failure to honour his wishes when he is dead. He can be hurt if you start harassing him about his Will. Concentrate on what you can do to give your granddad comfort and peace now.That is the most important thing. It's normal to get angry when a loved one is failing,please don't let it eat you up by directing this at your aunt and becoming obsessed with it. This is a very hard time for you.Take care.
Ostara212 · 18/05/2021 20:00
@GertiMJN
You aren't happy with how your aunt would act as a joint executor, but would be happy for her to be a sole executor?
I understand.
That way OP is not left arguing with someone over moral issues.
Clearly he wants his daughter (?) involved so why not ask to hand it over to her? It doesn't affect the beneficiaries.
I can't believe she was mean enough to buy the wrong tea!
I had one friend distance herself from a will. The grandson had the lady's engagement ring off her when she was dying, for "safekeeping". We found it listed at Sotheby's while she was still alive. It was antique Art Deco emerald, very rare. I understand he didn't want to pay the tax but he clearly didn't want to share with the others named as beneficiaries.
Ostara212 · 18/05/2021 20:21
@starfishmummy
A solicitor won't help in the sensitive rehoming of pets though?
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