DD is 6, year 2 (she’ll be 7 in July).
After Easter a new girl started in DDs class. She is the next door neighbour of the girl DD sat next to, I’ll call the new girl A and the other girl B. A had previously been at a different local school but transferred to ours.
B has never liked DD ever. DD has some additional needs and has 1-1 for part of the day due to this. There are no behaviour issues bar the odd talking while the teacher does which I know B plus other girls in the class also do (basically trying to say it’s normal behaviour) and the 1-1 would help B if DD was on task and not in need of help but B just never liked DD, it was fine DD was friends with two others in the class who she’d play with – I’ve added this as I think it’s relevant.
When A started B moved places to sit next to A and was basically her buddy. This worked as DD was starting to struggle with particular parts of school so her TA sat next to her at the table rather than to the side of her. TA has switched focus onto just DD now, and DD still sits alone but has a table with two other children on it (these aren’t her friends but she talks to them if needed).
A’s mum invited all the children in the class over in small groups for garden parties to get to know them, DD was invited with the two girls she usually plays with at playtimes. The 4 girls hit it off really well and have basically been inseparable ever since. A and DD in particular are close. I know friendships at this age are very fluid so I still encourage DD to play with others in the class but she always seems to gravitate back to A and the other 2. They play together most playtimes and lunchtimes.
A and B are still friends outside of school due to living next door to each other but don’t talk in school much.
B is clearly not happy about this and has started targeting DD, it’s just low level stuff at the moment like moving her work or ripping it so DD has to do it again, walking over the area of the playground the girls are playing in, they made a “nest” out of cut grass and B stamped on it and then threw it shouting she didn’t care about it. She cries for A and tries to get A to play with her and her group of friends but A always says she wants to stay with DD.
Teacher says she’s talked to Bs mum and I know this to be true as B’s mum has sent me messages privately via whatsapp (at least she kept it off the class chat) asking me to keep DD away from A because A is Bs friend. I ignored the messages and Bs mum shouted at me in front of the headteacher last week claiming that my DD is awful, badly behaved and a bully and I need to keep her out of the school if she can’t leave other peoples friends alone. She was quite verbal and threatening and I thought she’d hit me at one point.
If it’s relevant DD has a communication disorder, joint condition and is suspected to have Dyslexia and/or Dyspraxia. She’s well managed in school and school have said she’s behind but not due to lack of ability, she tires quickly and also gets “brain fog” so struggles to tell you or write down what she’s been told. She can remember verbal facts but just can’t always put them in the correct order/with the correct item/object/animal etc. She is also physically much smaller than the other children. We’re currently going through the EHCP process for a diagnosis for DD and to fund the TA full time.
For even more context I left DDs dad in 2017 due to his violence and I get very worried when someones threatening me.
I have since had a call from the headteacher who has assured me DD is welcome in school, is well liked by staff and pupils (including both the cook and the caretaker apparently), is happy and the teacher feels she’s making expected progress for her (not based on what the government expects). I’ve also been assured that it is completely A’s choice who she plays with a playtimes and they’ve asked her several times since she started who she wants to play with an most of the time DDs name is mentioned. I’ve done the same with DD and she always says she likes playing with A and the other 2 girls. But I am still terrified that it’s going to escalate further and DDs going to end up hurt.
So AIBU to ask DD not to play with A to avoid her being hurt? I know they have a lovely friendship but I am so scared for DD. I was terribly bullied all through school and I think this is clouding me.