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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Best Friend fall out 😢

13 replies

JulesMummyof3 · 18/05/2021 17:27

Hi There

I need to know if I'm being unreasonable or right to feel hurt! I'm already suffering with anxiety and had post natal depression after my last baby. So please be kind ❤️

I met my best friend when our girls (mine E and hers P) became friends in primary school, back in 2016. I knew nobody at the school so this Mum took me under her wing.

The girls became best friends. So we ended up at each others houses a lot, bbqs as families together. Days out in the kids holidays. Shopping without the children concerts etc.

She suffers with mental health like I do. We both helped each other, through lots. I suffered 3 miscarriages in 2017 which she was very supportive with. She helped collect the children from school if I was at hospital/midwife.

I fell pregnant with my youngest in December 2017 and had lots of bleeds and scares. Plus had awful morning sickness.
She again helped a lot and I was so greatful. I was her maid of honour and sang at her wedding in 2018

She through me a baby shower, we were very close.

It started to go wrong when she called to to tell me. She'd bumped into a ex school Mum (who I didn't know) who stood and slagged me off for 10 minutes outside a supermarket. I must say I was in hospital on a drip trying to stop pre term labour at the time. When asked if she'd said anything in return to this ex school Mum she said no she froze!

After youngest was born. We went out for the day to see her daughter who'd just had a baby. On the way home, she sat slaghing off a new Mum at school. My baby was screaming and I asked her to stop it, I didn't want to hear it. I think she thought it was out of jealousy as this Mum was trying to befriend her. But I'd actually said to stop, as I hate hearing anybody talking nastily about someone else. I think if their talking like that to me about someone else, what are they saying about me.

She's let me down over and over again. Promised I'll come over after lunch, I'd spend ages cleaning and buy cakes. She never came. I can't tell you how many times she's done that. I didn't know what had gone wrong, what I'd done and just wanted someone to have a cup of tea with.

She's now stopping our daughters E&P meeting up outside of school. Saying it's because of covid, but allowing her to go to other friends houses for playdates. My daughter E knows this and is getting very upset.

I did message to ask if her daughter P was OK as she'd not wanted to play with my E all week and had been playing alone at breaktime. I'm her god mother and genuinely care about her. I was told she was fine.

I tried to organise a meet up last week for lunch. To try chat about what's going on. Which she agreed to then, messaged the evening before say something came up.

Unfortunately I've had enough! I no longer want to speak to her and have been avoiding her.

Am I being unreasonable?

I must say I have other friends I've made that do seem to be there. So I'm not totally alone ❤️

Mummy of 3 🌈 🌈🌈

OP posts:
Horst · 18/05/2021 17:30

Just don’t bother anymore then.

She’s clearly not interested for whatever reason.

AnxiousFTMFriendlyAdvicePlease · 18/05/2021 17:32

You are better off without her, she is no friend. It will be hard for you because you have been hurt but you will feel better in time. Invest your time in kind caring friendships. Flowers

MatildaTheCat · 18/05/2021 17:38

Focus on making new friends or investing in some new friendships. She’s not being kind or even polite.

It’s really tough to realise you are unimportant to someone you considered a good friend but better than hanging on and hoping. If you have 3 DC there must be other people you meet who’d be possible friends. It doesn’t have to be intense ‘best friends’, a chat, coffee, odd drink is enough and sometimes that develops to a closer friendship

MatildaTheCat · 18/05/2021 17:39

Sorry, I didn’t read the last paragraph properly, just focus on the other friends.

BlueSuffragette · 18/05/2021 17:39

Her loss OP not yours. She sounds really hard work.

JulesMummyof3 · 18/05/2021 17:39

@AnxiousFTMFriendlyAdvicePlease

Thank you. It's all been since my youngest was born, she's her godmother and has only spent time with her 8 times in almost 3 years.

I just can't believe she'd involve our eldest girls in it. I'm so disappointed in her tbh ♥️

But yes definitely investing in more caring friendships ❤️

OP posts:
mainsfed · 18/05/2021 17:40

I'm glad you've had enough. Given she was slagging off the new mum, it's possible that she joined in slagging you off to the ex school mum as well.

You're well rid. Help dd with her other friendships and let this 'friend'.

notanothertakeaway · 18/05/2021 17:43

When she kept letting you down & not showing up, that should have told you that you weren't a priority. My advice is always to focus on the people who make you feel good about yourself

Your children can play at school if they want, but your friendship with the mum has gone, I think

Take the moral high ground, be polite and friendly, but she is not your friend. And that's ok. You can still have happy memories of when it was different

pabloescobarselasticband · 18/05/2021 17:45

Shes a drama vampire! Always there when you need help so she can be the hero. You have had a lucky escape she sounds like a bit of a bitch.

lydia2021 · 18/05/2021 17:48

I feel sad for you, I have recently dropped someone who told lies about me. I changed my number and never want to see her or her fucked family again. When I think of everything I did for her and her family over the years it hurts. Sometimes you just have to walk away and leave them to it. Karma will hit at some point.

BigHeadBertha · 18/05/2021 17:55

It sounds to me like it was a good friendship at one time but, unfortunately, now its run its course.

It is sad but probably happens more often than not. People change and grow in different ways, with changing outlooks and interests (and attitudes) and well, I'm sure you know. Endings can get a bit messy.

Sure, it hurts. But letting it go sounds like the thing to do now. But who knows, maybe at some later date you'll both be at a different place and reconnect again.

Summercocktailsinthesnow · 18/05/2021 18:00

I am going to go against the grain and say I think you should call her or go to her house and ask her directly what is wrong. Her MH might be terrible or there may be something she hasn't told you.

I would honestly give her a chance to talk to you, before closing the chapter on your friendship. It sounds like a solid and decent friendship so it is a shame to throw it all away when you don't know the reason.

If it turns out to be nothing, then maybe the friendship has run its course (her dd could be wanting new friends as well, and doesn't have to see your dd all of the time, so I wouldn't pay much attention to that)

JulesMummyof3 · 18/05/2021 18:20

Thanks everyone. Lots of food for thought ♥️

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