Opinions please - bit long, but need some reasurance that I'm not over-reacting

[Joash]

Three weeks ago, I had a 'surprise' visit from the most annoying woman in the world (for those who remember the thread - My stalker - the one with the hubby with the dodgy PhD) anyway, I have long suspect that her daughter is a bully and have had comments from other mums who have seen the girl (and even witnessed her mother) bullying other kids). Yet, as we were all in the house, I made the mistake of allowing her and GS to play in the other room. Within 5 mins, I could hear strange noises, so went to investigate. GS was blue and couldn't breath. Managed to get him to calm down and get his breathing under control. He said that the girl had jumped on him. I asked her what had happened and she sneered "I wanted to sit next to him and he wouldn't sit still, so I stood on the footstool and jumped on his chest to stop him moving - that'll make him do what I say".
GS went to the hospital and it turns oout that she had bruised his ribs, but luckily not broken them. They explained how painful this was (apparently not much difference between bruising and breaking in terms of pain).
I told the girls mother and she made two snappy comments "Oh I've had that he'll be okay in a week" followed a day later by "I've told her (daughter) that she can't do that to GS again and to not jump so hard on children who are a bit smaller than her".
A week ago, GS said that the mother had told him that he could go to their house for tea next saturday. I didnt take much notice until she rang yesterday and said to DH that her daughter was looking forward to GS going to their house and she was planning what they were going to do. TO which my DH replied (remarkably tactful considering how angry we both are) that he wasnt happy about GS going to their house considering what had happened. He explained that it wasn't so much that GS had got hurt, it was more to do with the fact that her daughter admitted to doing it deliberatly and very calculated and that the mother not only thought that it didnt even warrant an apology, but that she had virtually given her daughter licence to do the same thing to other children. But that if GS still wanted to see her daughter, he was quite happy to let her come to play here as long as they were supervised.
She started texting me, asking if I was going to let my DH tell me what to do. To which I explained that I fully agree with what he had said to her and that I also thought it was irresponsible to make arrangements with a four year old and not with his parents/carers anyway.
She's still bloody texting me, apparently she's been to the house today, whilst I was out and accused DS of lying when he told her I was out.

Is it just us that feels this way or are we over-reacting to what she claims was just kids playing?

I stopped answering the phone when she called, so she started to withhold her number. I had call blocking put on, so she called from her hubbies phone, the call box near her house, the local pub and even changed her sim card to get a new number. So now I screen all calls where I dont know the number, and I've got a new Sim for my phone coming.

God no you are not over-reacting.

I might just say very brutally to ehr "listen, I find your insistence on not taking a hint a bit mad, and I find your behaviour stalkerish. I just want you to know that I don't want any more contact with you, and if you continue to stalk me I will report your behaviour to the police."

She sounds like the sort of woman who would take your GS without your permission tbh. I know most schools/ youth clubs etc. don't allow this anymore, but sometimes peopel slip through the net when people are busy. She really sounds like someone to be avoided.

Hide your rabbits. This woman is seriously off-balance

I would have a word with the police. You have enough evidence for them to act. But I don't think that will stop her to be honest. Speak to Police and maybe a lawyer because she is not going to stop of her own accord.

SOrry about that - got distracted as I've just burned the dinner. The kitchen smells lovely now LOL.
Thanks everyone for the support. I have to get off to Aqu Aerobics now, but will let you know if she does turn up. She NEVER, goes on a Friday night, but I've been ignoring her texts so have a feeling that she'll be there.
Thanks again.

absolutly NOT overreacting !

Bloody hell how traumatic for your and your poor DS !

If i were you i'd tell her that if she contacts you again you will be in contact with the police to say she is harassing you and if she carrys on then do it. the police will warn her and if she does it after the warning she can be arrested.

I certainly wouldnt let my child in her house, it might be worth speaking to the school aswell just incase she's likely to be alone with any small children.

You are not over-reacting in the slightest.

Horseplay and play fighting between kids and someone accidentally gets hurt is one thing, deliberately and seriously hurting another child is entirely another. I am actually quite impressed at you and your husband's calm and considered response to the situation. Mine would probably have been to tell her to get the feck out of my house and take her daughter with her and never, ever come back.

Tell her to FUCK OFF and leave you alone, the woman is a freak and it sounds like she has passed her freakiness on to her daughter.

your not over reacting she sounds mad

this woman is mad.

DELETE THE TEXT MESSEGES/or reply and politely tell her to GO TO HELL.

there.

YADNBU!

This woman does sound disturbed and her behaviour is not normal, no wonder you're feeling so upset. And your poor little DS! Glad he's OK.

On a personal level, if this woman doesn't leave you alone, as others have suggested, tell her to leave you alone or you will contact the police. And be prepared to follow it through.

I have dealt with someone like this before and sometimes you have to be very upfront, for your own peace of mind.

Good luck dealing with it all.

Additionally, I would say - don't even bother being polite. Sorry if that sounds awful but she doesn't deserve it.

YANBU, the woman is a complete nutter (without reading your other thread)

I was absolutely at her telling her DD "to not jump so hard on children who are a bit smaller than her". So it ok to jump on children, just not hard or on children smaller than her ??

Fruitcake!

You should definately stop all contact, if need be get in touch with the police for advice.

It must be affecting your whole life if you are constantly screening calls and worrying it might be her when the door bell rings.

HI joash You really cant be polite with this woman anymore! The only way that you can protect ds, yourself and dh, is by being straight with this looney. Your being too nice, and from what i've read her dd dosent even do nice so what on earth is she like? Just tell her to go away and leave you and your family alone, ds must be petrified that your going to send him to her house so that this monster can do it again. Let us know if she turns up!

Do NOT delete the texts, keep them as proof, and I would seriously consider speaking to the police. She is unstable.

Bloody hell - you are certainly not being unreasonable!

Cease all contact. She (and her child) clearly have no idea of what is reasonable behaviour. Not worth the risk.

YANBU but hopefully by now you know that, if it was me I would be very very blunt and rude and say that you dont want anything to do with her and that if she does not respect your wishes to stop contacting you and keep away from you and your family you will put in a complaint with the police and do it.

I would consider going to the police and having
a word off the record and getting some advice from them.

Hope GS is ok now, and did she turn up last night?

Joash, firstly i think you're right to keep GS from playing at this woman's house.

but more than that, i'm wondering what benefit there is for you in sustaining this relationship. it sounds harsh, but you say this woman is the most annoying in the world, and her daughter is obviously someone who can't play alongside other children without endangering their health. why not just cut them out? Be busy, be out, just say no?

cos it seems to be making you miserable. personally i'm quite nice, my daughter is a sweetheart and yet people seem to cut me out without a second thought, so i think that by comparison you have more than enough justification to do so in this instance.

sounds like a very sad and crazy lady. I would start recording everything down. I would tell her in no terms is she to call, write and or come over.
Also wondering if she turned up at swimming pool and if you havent answered as she has held you there all night
You must be a lovely lady for this woman to be so obsessed with you

Did she turn up at aqua aerobics? what is her dh like? can you or your dh not have a word with him about her behaviour? surely he must know she is unbalanced and may know the reason behind it and how to deal with her.

ok I agree with op that you should NOT delete your texts. On the contrary keep them as the woman sounds very worrying. I would also keep a close eye on your children all the time. She seems a bit peculiar to not get the message from you that you are no longer intrested in her friendship but also to condone the actions of her dd.It worries me somewhat that if you hadnt come into the room when you did, how far would it have gone? Also the fact that her dd felt that she had to be so manipulative (physically) to get what she wanted. The words lack of impulse control spring to mind.

Clearly the other lady does not have any/ does not understand social and personal boundaries and sadly she is passing this onto her dd.
I would tread very carefully and keep a diary of all events related to her. Remember whilst you are being wholeheartedly sensible about this, some other person might not be so.

Be careful

Sorry I didnt get back on Friday evening - this is the first chance I've had. Lots of reponses;
squimlet - have saved all texts. I started doing this when I began to notice her occasionally odd behaviour. Some months ago, I had a conversation with her about her lack of understanding as far as social and personal boundaries go and as I expected - she didnt understand. Ad I have already a log of 'events' which I started after my last thread about this woman.

LuckyUnderpants - NO she didnt actually turn up at aqua aerobics - but she was sat in the car park when we came out (there is a small group of us who go). We just ignored her and left. Her DH is peculiar - nothing that I can quite put my finger on, but I have only met him a couple of times and I really dont want to have any contact with him at all

lisad123 - I have been extremely blunt with her about not being welcome either in person or by phone, text etc - doesn't make an ounce of difference. And thanks for the compliment (even if it was tongue-in-cheek)I am definately not a lovely lady - just a bit soft in the head I think LOL.

Squeakybrushes - there is no benefit at all for me from this relationship. In hindsight, there was something odd about her from day one, but I felt sorry for her as she was forever saying that she had no friends and her kids had no-one to play with. At that time, I was fairly new to the area and was in a similar situation with GS (& 350 miles away from family & friends), However, she has pushed for some sort of friendship whilst I was trying to keep it as more of a 'play-date' thing for GS. However, the more I attempt to put some distance between us, the worse she gets.
I have cut her out three times now. Once by doing the 'busy, be out, just say no' thing. The second time by being perhaps a bit too honest, explaining the situation as 'having nothing in common, being totally different people, the age difference (I lied and said I prefer friends my own age), etc,etc. And the third time by being extremely blunt, even nasty - nothing works. She leaves things for a few days, then starts again.

helenhismadwife - as I said, I have done the blunt thing. I was at a point where I was going to contact the police and like an idiot, as I didn't hear from her for a while, I thought she had given up. Then she turned up with her bloody daughter, saying that she udnerstood that she'd been a bit full on and got posessive, but wanted to apologise and hoped we could be friends. God know why, as I am not a gullible person - but I fell for it, hence letting her in for a chat and her daughter jumping on GS.

leya - I have not been polite to the woman for some months, she is oblivious. She does not understand "NO, go away, stop calling, do not call uninvited, do not phone, do not speak to me even if you see me in the street, fuck off and leave me and my family alone, etc, etc"

worzsel - in a way, because of the situation with GS, We are very lucky that they will not let anyone take GS from school unless it's me, DH or DS. My daughter was visiting and went to school with DS to collect GS - they wouldnt let him go, even with DS there and they wouldnt take our word over the phone - DH had to go to the school.

Anyone else who I've missed or whatever, Thanks for the advice. This time I am not going to fal for her fake contrition - I will contact the police and have a quiet word.
Thanks again.

You dont sound guilible at all just a nice person who gives others the benefit of the doubt and a few chances. I hope she leaves you and your family alone if not police sounds like the only solution left to you